I don’t know how to go back, to when my heart was wild and free.
Now I’m locked in a cage, bound tight by what no eye can see.
I am not like what I use to be, became nothing of what I dreamed I’d be,
Held tight by strictures of my own making.
I remember a time when I could breathe,
Not held back by fears unseen.
Now I long to run, being carried by the wind,
Free to roam to find the true me again.
I don’t want to look back to see what might have been,
But maybe catch a glimpse of that smile that has grown dim.
I want to find the way I lost, the road I wandered from;
Find myself, come back home, being a prodigal no more, find no reason to run.
My Lord, my Beloved, put me back in my wilderness of peace;
Under the open sky, walking with You with a soul that’s been released.
Find me again encompassed in You, loosing this shell I hold onto
Destroy the mask I try to wear, make me into the image of You
Bring Your light into this dark night
Save from the demons I try to fight
Make me understand You’re my hiding place
As You cover me with Your grace
Open my eyes help me to see the beauty of Your majesty
Living a life in You is the key to my serenity
You long to save me from myself and what I make of me
A life of sadness doesn’t have to be my way, You long for me to be free
Soon the day will come when I find my way out of this valley
Into the resting arms of You is where I long to be finally
You long to free me from this bondage of grief
And show me now that You are my relief
I don’t have to let these strictures of pain control my life
I don’t have to live everyday in a perpetual turmoil of strife.
Piercing away the pain doesn’t have to be my release
When His piercing can bring me eternal peace
The time is coming soon when I will awake and finally see
I’ve been freed from my fears and the tears have ceased
Yes a day is coming when every day I won’t relive my past
And maybe then I will find a joy that will last
Contentment can be mine if I will unlock the chains
That holds me tight with nothing to gain
Within my grasp I hold the key
Of unlocking the things that keep destroying me
When will this end, how long will it last
When will I leave the past in the past
I crawl to You, completely broken, on bended knee
Wrap me in Your love and set my fettered heart free.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
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I don't know how you write these poems so well, it seems to just flow from you. Another deeply moving post. I too have so many struggles with my past. I was doing a study of Rahab and all kinds of garbage was coming up for me. I sometimes just have to declare how I am washed clean before him. I like the scripture in Hebrews, our hearts sprinkled clean of a guilty conscience and our bodies washed with pure water (Hebrews 10:22) for a great website with cross references on this see http://bible.cc/hebrews/10-22.htm. I don't know if you're a reader but Elizabeth George has a wonderful book called "Loving God with all your Mind" that really helped me with "putting past things in the past". Hope that helps.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'll look that up. I love Beth Moore and Kay Author, both deeply devoted to God. As for the poems, there are times my fingers fly on the keyboard and the words are out before I even thought of them. This poem took me about 20 minutes to write. I didn't know how it was going to go, or how it would end. I've come to a peace of being me. It took me a long time to get there with a past such as mine. It took a long time (and sometimes I wonder if I'm truly there yet) of feeling clean before Him. It's a struggle that I continually fight. I just have to constantly remind myself that I am not held accountable or tainted because of someone else's sins. I always wanted to be the pure bride of Christ and again I still struggle with that, but I know deep down it's true. Thanks for your encouraging words, they are really appreciated!
ReplyDeleteThat is truly of the Lord and how beautifully he works through you in writing. It's amazing, here I just started blogging, and I found your site and felt immediate kinship with you based on some of what you shared that I can really relate to. Now God's prompting me in the middle of the day with things to share with you. Here's one - I was listening to "At the Foot of the Cross" by Kathryn Scott and she sang a line, trade these ashes in for beauty...and that part made me thing of you. Like that's the process that you are in as you are cleansed God redeems your past, he's taking the ashes of the past trading them in for beauty, in your heart, in your soul, radiating outward kind of beauty. I have that song on the playlist on my blog if you want to listen.
ReplyDeleteHow do you get music on your blog? I feel like my is rustic because there is a lack of what everyone else has. Anyway, thank you about the writing comments. He moves me to write and I do. I wish there was something more poetic about my writing but it's just me opening myself up. I bare myself to a rawness so that there is nothing He can't take and use for His glory. My past isn't pretty due to the sins of another, but I let God use that to His glory too. It's not easy to open yourself up that way, but I think it brings about the most amount of healing...
ReplyDeleteI just found this comment (I too wish there was some way they'd let you know when a comment comes in!). For the music, I went to www.playlist.com and created an account. Then I searched for songs & artists I wanted to add and once I had my list done I went to the top and clicked "Share My Playlist" then I followed the prompts and when done selected "get code" and a picture of blogger came up and I clicked that and went from there. I hope it works for you!
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