El Roi

I’m going to try and keep today’s blog short and sweet because I’ve been on the computer almost all day!  I’ve gotten a lot accomplished in this heart of mine, but the house is suffering from neglect.  I’ve got to get busy on the house, especially with me finding out this week if I’m going to have surgery on my shoulder or not.  I don’t see how it’s not torn, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m praying hard core for it not to be.  Of course, I don’t think I know of anyone that would just willingly sign up for a painful surgery, but there are some different people out there (just glad I’m not one of them lol!).

I started off my morning by going to see Anita, my counselor.  We have been knocking around the idea of me going to bi-monthly appointments rather than weekly appointments.  I had a setback last week going to that party where my childhood abuser was.  But I think my reaction could’ve been worse.  Although, being totally honest my reaction could’ve been a lot better too.  She (Anita) said she would leave the decision up to me and reminded me that she could always schedule me in if I needed to be seen sooner than two weeks.  I think I would like to try it and see how I do.  I told her I think this blogging is very therapeutic and brings healing that I didn’t even realize I needed.  I finally have an outlet to pour myself into and not fear criticism I might receive.  Here I can be all that is me and not fear I have let someone down.  It feels liberating to have a place, yes space, where you can totally let your guard down and be free to be all of who you really are.  I never dreamed this blog would turn into what it has become, but I’m content with it right now.

After I left Anita’s I went and had lunch with Ciara.  I miss her so much when she goes with her dad!  The house just isn’t the same without her here.  I bought us some Taco Bueno burritos and we went over their upcoming school dance on Friday.  At 12 years old, this will be her first dance!  It makes me want to cry!  Where have the years gone?  I’m excited to see the wonderful young lady she’s becoming, but I miss my baby girl.  The one thing I’m still incredibly blessed by is she still loves to cuddle!  I hope she never grows out of that!  Anyway, we talked about the dance rules and how I expected her to behave while she was there.  My main concern is that she is civil to this one boy in her class that gives her the creeps.  He is a little strange and stalkerish in a way (yes I know stalkerish isn’t in the actual dictionary, but I have these words my husband likes to call Melissaisms and this is one of those words…) and he follows Ciara around everywhere she goes.  His actions have actually got me concerned, but I don’t want to blow anything out of proportion as they are in the sixth grade.  I’ve armed her well and I know God will take care of her.

When I got home I had a horrible itch to get on the computer and start writing.  Yes I have definitely been in one of my writing moods today.  I need to use a little more moderation in how much I’m on here, but today felt a little different.  There is still talk going on about the blog “Questions About Predestination” and “Why I Believe In Predestination”.  So I did my Bible study in Genesis 16-19 today and I’ll get back to that in a minute.  What my true study today was why I believe what I believe.  So I delved into Romans to research.  I found my passages and that’s how “Why I Believe in Predestination” came to being.  But back to my Bible study today…I was reading on how God promised Abraham and Sarah a son and they didn’t believe He could do it so Sarah gives Abraham her servant Hagar.  We go from there to the visit of the three angels to Abraham and their promise that at that time next year Sarah would have a son of her own and she laughs (then denies that she did lol).  From there the angels go to Sodom and we know what happens from there.  God hates perversion!  He destroys Sodom and Gomorrah because He could not find 10 righteous people there.  In the end only three people made it out, Lot and his two daughters.

What was reassuring about today’s study is first, God keeps His promises.  He promised Abraham and Sarah they would have a son, but He would do it in His time not theirs.  They thought to “help” God along by offering Hagar.  What I love about this is God comforts Hagar after she ran away because Sarah began to abuse her. (Of course Sarah did this because Hagar looked down on her because she had been able to provide a son for Abraham, not to excuse Sarah for her abuse but to explain why it happened)  God comes to Hagar and promises her Ishmael.  Hagar sees that God has seen her plight and names Him “El Roi” meaning “God of Seeing”.  That’s my second point.  He sees our troubles and comforts us and promises us to never leave us or forsake us.  He has compassion to our plights and He sees our sorrows.  Nothing of nothing escapes His sight.

The other thing that is reassuring is God’s act of judgment on Sodom and Gomorrah.  I can’t imagine how it grieved His heart to see these two cities become a place of sick perversion.  What still amazes me is that Lot offered up his two virgin daughters so the two men (angels) would be safe.  It goes to show that Lot was not exempt from their atrocious thinking.  God poured out His judgment on these two cities!  He is a just God!  Even Lot’s wife was turned into a pillar of salt because she looked back.  How many of us look behind us?  Somehow thinking that what lies behind us is something that we need here and now…If we just focus on the here and now we won’t stumble but can run swiftly into the safety of God’s arms.  That’s what He offered Lot’s family.  But even after Lot and his two daughter’s escaped the perversion didn’t end there.  They laid with their father and bore sons that would end up being enemies of Israel.  Perversion has ruined many lives.  But God will have His justice.  Vengeance is His and He will repay!    

Yes I was encouraged by my Bible study today.  And once again I meant for this to be a short blog and it’s turned into another long one.  I’m going to jump off here and I think head to bed.  I know I have to quit typing though because it’s really causing my shoulder to start hurting.  The last thing I’ll leave you with is two pictures.  They are taken one year apart and it just goes to show the healing God has brought me in this past year.  Praise Him for His goodness!

Melissa Fitzwilliam