Yesterday was a good day. It was slow paced and just a relaxing day. I was able to sleep in and it was so nice. Danny was suppose to go to the Men’s Prayer Breakfast but when his alarm went off he shut it off and went back to sleep. He said later he didn’t even remember his alarm going off, much less turning it off. I guess he was really tired and needed his rest. When he finally got up he had to get ready to go to the feed store because we were all out of hay for the horses. Steve and Nicky went with him while us girls stayed at home and just vegged.
Nicky had invited Ciara to his school dance and she has never been to a school dance before. I was planning on going with her and staying the whole time, but she was protesting very loudly. So around 2:00 I was still planning on staying and so I jumped in the shower to get cleaned up so I could go to the dance too. I told Ciara my mom had gone to every dance of mine so it was only fitting that I return the favor. She said she didn’t want to go if I was going to stay and I told her that was too bad because she had already given her word that she would go and she had to keep her word. Shannon also had to go to work yesterday and she wasn’t every happy about it. She had Friday off but what got Shannon was that she was going in early and she was afraid they would change their mind and have her close too. And she would be right! She called after she had left and gotten to work and she was in tears. They were making her close again even though she was the first one in and should have been the first one out. They love her as a worker and she feels like they take advantage of her and we think she is right.
So we got ready to go to the dance and I asked Danny if he would like to ride along with me. By this time Danny had told me we needed to run some errands so I told Ciara that I wouldn’t be staying at the dance much to her joy. She asked if I could put a little bit of makeup on her and I thought about it (I mean she is only in sixth grade) and decided a little bit of blush wouldn’t hurt anything. So I was able to put on some blush, eye shadow, and a dab of mascara on her and she was so excited. She borrowed my black high heels and when she was totally ready she looked so grown up! It made me want to cry! So once everyone was ready we loaded up in the car and headed to the dance. Danny decided to go with us and we thought we would be able to spend a little time alone and just enjoy each other’s company. So we dropped the kids (Ciara and Nicky) off and headed to the store. Danny wanted to look at the post board when we got there so I went ahead and went inside and got what we needed. For whatever reason the post boards really get on my nerves. I didn’t want to stand outside and look at a board for things we didn’t need nor could we afford at this moment in time. However, his patience paid off because he found a person that buys used cars and we have this old pickup in our driveway that needs to go. He gave the guy a call and the guy said he could offer us $200-$250 for the truck. Danny had hoped to get about $500 out of the truck but at this time if we have an offer we have to take what we can get. After that Danny wanted to wash the car but I first convinced him to stop at Sonic and get us some Java Chillers. It’s like iced chocolate coffee, they are so good. So after that we went to the car wash and he spent $8.00 washing my car, it was that dirty!
By the time we got done it was time to pick up the kids. I went in to pick them up and they said they had a blast! I was so happy that her first dance went so well even though she hardly knew anyone there since it was Nicky’s school dance. We headed back home and Nicky decided he would stay the night so he could go to church with us in the morning. When we got home Steve called and wanted to see if we wanted to play Farkle with him and Tanya. Danny said sure so they came up and visited for awhile and we got out the dice to play Farkle. They told us they had decided to stop smoking and that they had called this 1-800 number that offered free patches. Danny said we should try to stop smoking together so tomorrow we are going to call and see if they will send us out patches too. I am ready to quit smoking and I think with us all stopping it will be easier to quit. Danny said he’s finally ready to quit smoking and we need to save all the money we can. I’ve tried the patches once before and they didn’t work but Danny had wanted me to keep smoking with him and whenever we would be around Tanya and Steve they would be smoking which made me want one too. So I’m excited because I am ready to quit smoking.
Now to today…I woke up to swelled shut eyes and when I went to look in the mirror I saw that once again I had pink eye. I was so bummed because I know it’s so contagious and that meant we would not be able to go to church. So I laid back down and fell back to sleep since I could go anyways. I slept until 11:00 when I finally decided to get up I tried putting a contact in one eye only to discover that I had pink eye in both eyes! I was so upset because I had not been able to find my glasses for months and I would need them since I couldn’t wear my contacts. So I did the only thing I knew to do and I prayed. I needed to find them and I had looked all over my room before and even checked under the bed in case they had fallen off the night stand and couldn’t find them. I had torn my night stand apart and couldn’t find them there in the past. So with a simple prayer I went into my room to look. I moved one item on my night stand and there they were! God is so good even in the small things!!!! So my contacts are put away for the time being until the pink eye goes away. I hate the way I look in glasses but there is no other choice but to wear them.
Now the guy is coming over to look at the truck and hopefully within this week he’ll be able to come over and pick it up. Then we are going outside to work on the fence since it’s such a nice day outside. We really need to get it up because Elowyn keeps running down the road and she’s going to end up getting run over. So I’m excited to be able to work on the fence with him and I think the kids are going to help too. Shannon was able to go to church this morning and then she had to leave right afterward to go back to work. Whenever she gets back home she and Danny are going down to work with the horses again. They have been working with the horses for the past three days and it seems with each passing day the horses are getting better and better. So I’m getting off of here and getting busy. Tomorrow I will head to work at the new job and I’m a little nervous about it. But I’m sure everything will go fine because God is in control!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
I Got the New Newer Job lol!!!
Today was such a busy day! I’m thankful for the fact that I didn’t spend the day bored, but it feels like I drove all over the world! I was gone from the house from 10:00 this morning until 5:00 tonight. It was like a full day of work! But oh the things I got accomplished! It was busy in a good way. God continued to show Himself strong today and that always just blesses me to no end. He is such an awesome God and I can’t believe He looks on me with such amazing love!
Well to start the day I went to the doctor for the tendonitis in my right shoulder. It hasn’t been getting any better and in fact on some days it seems worse than when it first happened. I knew I would probably have to get a cortisone shot and those always hurt so badly. However I was all about the outcome than the momentary pain the shot would cause. I was right about the shot and I may have to go in for a few more if it doesn’t calm the swelling down. He thinks I’ll probably have to get two more shots and I told him physical therapy was out of the question since I’m working now and I don’t have the time in my schedule to fit it in. He said that wouldn’t be a problem since physical therapy wouldn’t help with the swelling anyways. He said it would take up to two weeks to tell the difference in my shoulder and know if the shot was working. He has high hopes that this will work.
After I got done with the doctor I had to head to the second interview at The Buckle. I already had high hopes because when she called yesterday she said they wanted to offer me a position. I didn’t want to walk by my other work place so I purposely parked away from the store and walked the extra distance so I wouldn’t have to go by there and possibly see Farry. I just wasn’t ready for that yet. So I went to the store and talked with Natalie and she said they definitely wanted to offer me a position and I could start as soon as I wanted to. The one drawback is I will only be making $5.00 an hour, but I get 3% commission and up on everything I sell. She said the average worker makes over $8.00 an hour because of all the sells they are able to complete. This store is much busier than the other store ever dreamed of being. I told her I had to call Farry and turn in my two week’s notice but as soon as I knew if she was going to work me anymore I would call and let her know when I could start. I went out and called Danny to see what he thought about the job offer. He said as long as I wasn’t working with Farry anymore and if I thought I would be happy there he would stand behind me 100%!
So after I talked with him I called to talk with Farry (didn’t want to do it face to face, call me a chicken, but I hate confrontation!) and she didn’t answer the phone. So I left Shawnee and headed to Harrah to get my prescription from the doctor and went grocery shopping. We needed some dinners for the weekend and we desperately needed some other essentials. When I got in the car my phone started ringing and it was Farry. I told her I had been offered another job that was willing to pay me more and I couldn’t resist the offer. She said it was a good thing and that she had planned on letting me go on Monday anyway. She said that the fact two pairs of jeans had been stolen on my watch and then I sold the bracelet for less than what it was that she just couldn’t help but let me go. Then she said she still believed that I had smoked in the bathroom no matter what I said and that it was inexcusable. I can’t tell you how mad I was that she didn’t believe me. She said I needed to come to the store tonight and turn in my key. So I had to drive back to Shawnee (20 mile drive one way!) to drop off her key. I was nervous because I had a feeling that it would be somewhat confrontational. I got there and gave the key to her and she started talking about how I had taken advantage of her and that she hoped at my next job I wouldn’t do that to my new boss. I have no idea how I took advantage of her when I had stayed when she asked me to, came in when she requested, and worked the very best I could. But it was obvious that my best wasn’t good enough for her. I told her I had not smoked in the bathroom and she asked me if I could smell the smoke (well no!!!) then she says of course not since I’m a smoker. She said she could smell it and had to clean everything up back there so the smell wouldn’t sink into the shoes and the clothes. Personally I think she was searching for reasons since I called first to say I was quitting. She did deduct the cost of the bracelet from my check and when the total came out it wasn’t even enough to cover the clothes that I had bought. Danny wondered how many others she did this too. He didn’t like her from the start and he normally doesn’t have such a strong aversion to people when he meets them. He thinks she hires people to have them buy her clothes and then looks for ways to not keep them. It ensures she’s getting more money and that she stays in control. Not that she shouldn’t be in control because it is her business; I’m not sure about his theory but all I do know is I’m glad to be done with the job.
Now I’m back home and we are having frozen pizzas for dinner tonight. I need to jump off here and start getting dinner. I’m excited to spend the evening with the family tonight. Shay and CC are home and Danny’s not working so it will just be the four of us tonight. Oh, I almost forgot, I called Natalie and told her I didn’t have to work there another two weeks so she is starting me on Monday! So things are going alright! I’m happy with the turn of events and I praise God for all He’s done for me. I plan on cuddling with my wonderful husband tonight (who cleaned the house while I was gone today!) and maybe renting a movie off the tv. Ok the pizzas are on and the family is back up from working with the horses and they are a starving bunch! I’ll enjoy my weekend off and be ready for my new job on Monday! Please keep me in your prayers!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Well to start the day I went to the doctor for the tendonitis in my right shoulder. It hasn’t been getting any better and in fact on some days it seems worse than when it first happened. I knew I would probably have to get a cortisone shot and those always hurt so badly. However I was all about the outcome than the momentary pain the shot would cause. I was right about the shot and I may have to go in for a few more if it doesn’t calm the swelling down. He thinks I’ll probably have to get two more shots and I told him physical therapy was out of the question since I’m working now and I don’t have the time in my schedule to fit it in. He said that wouldn’t be a problem since physical therapy wouldn’t help with the swelling anyways. He said it would take up to two weeks to tell the difference in my shoulder and know if the shot was working. He has high hopes that this will work.
After I got done with the doctor I had to head to the second interview at The Buckle. I already had high hopes because when she called yesterday she said they wanted to offer me a position. I didn’t want to walk by my other work place so I purposely parked away from the store and walked the extra distance so I wouldn’t have to go by there and possibly see Farry. I just wasn’t ready for that yet. So I went to the store and talked with Natalie and she said they definitely wanted to offer me a position and I could start as soon as I wanted to. The one drawback is I will only be making $5.00 an hour, but I get 3% commission and up on everything I sell. She said the average worker makes over $8.00 an hour because of all the sells they are able to complete. This store is much busier than the other store ever dreamed of being. I told her I had to call Farry and turn in my two week’s notice but as soon as I knew if she was going to work me anymore I would call and let her know when I could start. I went out and called Danny to see what he thought about the job offer. He said as long as I wasn’t working with Farry anymore and if I thought I would be happy there he would stand behind me 100%!
So after I talked with him I called to talk with Farry (didn’t want to do it face to face, call me a chicken, but I hate confrontation!) and she didn’t answer the phone. So I left Shawnee and headed to Harrah to get my prescription from the doctor and went grocery shopping. We needed some dinners for the weekend and we desperately needed some other essentials. When I got in the car my phone started ringing and it was Farry. I told her I had been offered another job that was willing to pay me more and I couldn’t resist the offer. She said it was a good thing and that she had planned on letting me go on Monday anyway. She said that the fact two pairs of jeans had been stolen on my watch and then I sold the bracelet for less than what it was that she just couldn’t help but let me go. Then she said she still believed that I had smoked in the bathroom no matter what I said and that it was inexcusable. I can’t tell you how mad I was that she didn’t believe me. She said I needed to come to the store tonight and turn in my key. So I had to drive back to Shawnee (20 mile drive one way!) to drop off her key. I was nervous because I had a feeling that it would be somewhat confrontational. I got there and gave the key to her and she started talking about how I had taken advantage of her and that she hoped at my next job I wouldn’t do that to my new boss. I have no idea how I took advantage of her when I had stayed when she asked me to, came in when she requested, and worked the very best I could. But it was obvious that my best wasn’t good enough for her. I told her I had not smoked in the bathroom and she asked me if I could smell the smoke (well no!!!) then she says of course not since I’m a smoker. She said she could smell it and had to clean everything up back there so the smell wouldn’t sink into the shoes and the clothes. Personally I think she was searching for reasons since I called first to say I was quitting. She did deduct the cost of the bracelet from my check and when the total came out it wasn’t even enough to cover the clothes that I had bought. Danny wondered how many others she did this too. He didn’t like her from the start and he normally doesn’t have such a strong aversion to people when he meets them. He thinks she hires people to have them buy her clothes and then looks for ways to not keep them. It ensures she’s getting more money and that she stays in control. Not that she shouldn’t be in control because it is her business; I’m not sure about his theory but all I do know is I’m glad to be done with the job.
Now I’m back home and we are having frozen pizzas for dinner tonight. I need to jump off here and start getting dinner. I’m excited to spend the evening with the family tonight. Shay and CC are home and Danny’s not working so it will just be the four of us tonight. Oh, I almost forgot, I called Natalie and told her I didn’t have to work there another two weeks so she is starting me on Monday! So things are going alright! I’m happy with the turn of events and I praise God for all He’s done for me. I plan on cuddling with my wonderful husband tonight (who cleaned the house while I was gone today!) and maybe renting a movie off the tv. Ok the pizzas are on and the family is back up from working with the horses and they are a starving bunch! I’ll enjoy my weekend off and be ready for my new job on Monday! Please keep me in your prayers!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Possible New and Different Job....
Well I don’t know where to start. So much has happened over the past few days that the thought of putting it all down almost overwhelms me. I do know I’m happy to be home and not having to work this weekend. Right now I consider it a huge relief especially after the day I had today. The one thing that has been constant in this ever changing life of mine is God. He showed Himself so strong today that it almost brings me to tears. I asked for Him and He did not disappoint me. There are times when we need for God to be so obvious and that’s what I needed from Him in these past few days and that’s what I’ve received. I am humbled beyond measure for Him to look upon me and have compassion for me.
Rather than go through the past days events I will concentrate on the events of today. As you well know I worked Monday night, Tuesday all day, and I worked this morning. I was surprised when Farry came in really early today and she said some things had happened at the store that couldn’t happen again. I was totally confused about what she was talking about and I assumed (we know where that gets you) it was over the lack of sells over the past few days. I was totally upset over the lack of sells but I didn’t think there was anything I could do differently. She started by giving me a twenty question quiz over the store and gave me twenty minutes to answer it. First of all I have test anxiety and I don’t do well with them. Second what kind of job gives you a pop quiz and grades you on it? I can understand having meetings and those kinds of things, but I’ve never been to a job that has a quiz and will continue to have them in the future.
I did the test and I knew when I was doing it that I was doing horribly. There were so many questions I just had no idea on how to answer them. Some of the questions I just left blank to show her that I wasn’t going to guess on something I had no clue on. When she graded my test I got three or four right out of twenty and she was so disappointed in me. I hate when people are disappointed in me, but I have only been working there for two weeks and how could I possibly know some of the things she had on that quiz?! I guess the problem that prompted this is that two pairs of jeans went missing while I was working. She never accused me verbally of stealing them but the way she looked at me accusingly said what she wasn’t saying. First, I don’t steal!!!!!! Second, if I even thought about stealing (which I never would!) I would at least take something that was my size! So I guess she finally decided that I didn’t take anything which was a relief but I was still fuming!!! Then she starts criticizing the way I talk to the customers. She criticized my lack of pushiness (I’m not a pushy person! I’m not going to shove the clothes down their throats the way she does!), although she didn’t call it that. She said I was approaching the customers all wrong. The list goes on and on. I had the most thorough tearing down season in I couldn’t tell you when. She reminded me of my ex-boss Renee in the words she chose.
I had prayed for an obvious answer to come from God on what He wanted me to do and if this wasn’t a sign then I don’t know what is. I had received a call Tuesday night about coming in for an interview at The Buckle and this was before all of this happened. For whatever reason (read God) I felt compelled to go on this interview because this current job wasn’t feeling like it was a fit for me. I have a hard time selling something that I wouldn’t buy myself. I have a hard time asking a customer to pay a price that I myself wouldn’t be willing to pay for. Maybe that’s been my problem in this job. Maybe I am just not boutique material. I was so excited to go on the job interview with this new store. While I was taking a break before I went to the interview Farry called me and accused me of smoking in the bathroom! That was the final straw! She said she found ashes in the toilet. I don’t know what she saw but that wasn’t it! So I went to the other job interview and the entire time I was praying they would offer me the job. I didn’t have to wait for long because within two hours they called me back asking me to come back for a second interview tomorrow and said they want to offer me a job. What I like about this store is they are not pushy the way Farry is. They let the customer choose for themselves what they want to get and don’t throw clothes at them. I think it will be a much better fit than the boutique. I really wanted to give this current job a chance, but even Danny didn’t think I should be there. And he was amazed that she was jumping at the chance to turn me into a full time employee after I had told her I wanted to be part time only. Sigh…
That was my crazy and stressful day. I wouldn’t want to relive it, but I’m also glad it happened because it was God showing me what I needed to do. When I asked Him to be obvious I had no idea He would be that clear. Danny was happy to hear about the other job offer. If I get the job tomorrow I will go to Farry and turn in my two weeks notice. I will be really nervous but I know it must be done. I don’t like the idea of working there for another two weeks, but the Lord knows what will happen. I’m suppose to come in and work with Farry on Monday morning but I’m praying once I turn in my two week notice that she won’t have me work anymore at all. Thank you for all of you who prayed about this situation. It has been a huge stress on me and was making me question whether or not I even belonged back in the work force.
Tomorrow I was suppose to spend the whole day with Ciara but as it’s turning out we’ll barely get to spend a half a day together. I have to go in to the doctor at 11:00 to get a shot in my shoulder which has been hurting me so badly. I’m praying this shot does the trick and gives me full use of my arm back. I’m just so tired of it hurting all the time. Then I have to be at the interview at 1:30 to see if I do have the position after all. Please continue to pray because I’m not out of the woods yet, but I do think I see a clearing. It will be such a relief when it’s all over. In the mean time I will continue to pray for God’s guidance and I know He will not leave me alone.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Rather than go through the past days events I will concentrate on the events of today. As you well know I worked Monday night, Tuesday all day, and I worked this morning. I was surprised when Farry came in really early today and she said some things had happened at the store that couldn’t happen again. I was totally confused about what she was talking about and I assumed (we know where that gets you) it was over the lack of sells over the past few days. I was totally upset over the lack of sells but I didn’t think there was anything I could do differently. She started by giving me a twenty question quiz over the store and gave me twenty minutes to answer it. First of all I have test anxiety and I don’t do well with them. Second what kind of job gives you a pop quiz and grades you on it? I can understand having meetings and those kinds of things, but I’ve never been to a job that has a quiz and will continue to have them in the future.
I did the test and I knew when I was doing it that I was doing horribly. There were so many questions I just had no idea on how to answer them. Some of the questions I just left blank to show her that I wasn’t going to guess on something I had no clue on. When she graded my test I got three or four right out of twenty and she was so disappointed in me. I hate when people are disappointed in me, but I have only been working there for two weeks and how could I possibly know some of the things she had on that quiz?! I guess the problem that prompted this is that two pairs of jeans went missing while I was working. She never accused me verbally of stealing them but the way she looked at me accusingly said what she wasn’t saying. First, I don’t steal!!!!!! Second, if I even thought about stealing (which I never would!) I would at least take something that was my size! So I guess she finally decided that I didn’t take anything which was a relief but I was still fuming!!! Then she starts criticizing the way I talk to the customers. She criticized my lack of pushiness (I’m not a pushy person! I’m not going to shove the clothes down their throats the way she does!), although she didn’t call it that. She said I was approaching the customers all wrong. The list goes on and on. I had the most thorough tearing down season in I couldn’t tell you when. She reminded me of my ex-boss Renee in the words she chose.
I had prayed for an obvious answer to come from God on what He wanted me to do and if this wasn’t a sign then I don’t know what is. I had received a call Tuesday night about coming in for an interview at The Buckle and this was before all of this happened. For whatever reason (read God) I felt compelled to go on this interview because this current job wasn’t feeling like it was a fit for me. I have a hard time selling something that I wouldn’t buy myself. I have a hard time asking a customer to pay a price that I myself wouldn’t be willing to pay for. Maybe that’s been my problem in this job. Maybe I am just not boutique material. I was so excited to go on the job interview with this new store. While I was taking a break before I went to the interview Farry called me and accused me of smoking in the bathroom! That was the final straw! She said she found ashes in the toilet. I don’t know what she saw but that wasn’t it! So I went to the other job interview and the entire time I was praying they would offer me the job. I didn’t have to wait for long because within two hours they called me back asking me to come back for a second interview tomorrow and said they want to offer me a job. What I like about this store is they are not pushy the way Farry is. They let the customer choose for themselves what they want to get and don’t throw clothes at them. I think it will be a much better fit than the boutique. I really wanted to give this current job a chance, but even Danny didn’t think I should be there. And he was amazed that she was jumping at the chance to turn me into a full time employee after I had told her I wanted to be part time only. Sigh…
That was my crazy and stressful day. I wouldn’t want to relive it, but I’m also glad it happened because it was God showing me what I needed to do. When I asked Him to be obvious I had no idea He would be that clear. Danny was happy to hear about the other job offer. If I get the job tomorrow I will go to Farry and turn in my two weeks notice. I will be really nervous but I know it must be done. I don’t like the idea of working there for another two weeks, but the Lord knows what will happen. I’m suppose to come in and work with Farry on Monday morning but I’m praying once I turn in my two week notice that she won’t have me work anymore at all. Thank you for all of you who prayed about this situation. It has been a huge stress on me and was making me question whether or not I even belonged back in the work force.
Tomorrow I was suppose to spend the whole day with Ciara but as it’s turning out we’ll barely get to spend a half a day together. I have to go in to the doctor at 11:00 to get a shot in my shoulder which has been hurting me so badly. I’m praying this shot does the trick and gives me full use of my arm back. I’m just so tired of it hurting all the time. Then I have to be at the interview at 1:30 to see if I do have the position after all. Please continue to pray because I’m not out of the woods yet, but I do think I see a clearing. It will be such a relief when it’s all over. In the mean time I will continue to pray for God’s guidance and I know He will not leave me alone.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Working...
I'm sitting up here at work so incredibly bored. I really need to keep this one short even though there is absolutely nothing to do. I've cleaned the store, done inventory, cleaned the store again, and went through and sized everything. We've only had five customers in today and it's 2:30! I've been able to sell one pair of jeans and that's been it! She wants me to sell around $500.00 today and unless things pick up this evening I don't see that happening. Please pray that the Lord will send in a ton of customers and that I'll be able to surpass this goal today.
Other than that all I did yesterday was work. I worked yesterday evening but I slept in so late that I barely got the animals fed before I had to be here. Today I'll be working open to close which means 10am-9pm. I just got through waiting on these customers who tried on so much stuff, left things a mess and didn't buy a thing. I do tend to get frustrated easily when it looks like they are going to buy something and then don't. Yesterday was a relatively slow day up here too. I'm not working that many hours for the rest of the week and I need to make all the commission I can while I'm working but that is totally dependant on people buying. Maybe my expectations are too high since I do work in an expensive boutique. But people know that when they are walking in here. I've never walked into a cheap boutique and as far as "cheap" goes this is the less expensive boutique I've ever seen. I'm not trying to negate the fact that things are expensive, I just don't go into stores that I know I can't afford.
I guess I've complained enough now and while I could type much more I need to get off here and at least appear to be busy. Hopefully things will pick up this evening. I probably will be able to post something longer tomorrow since I don't work again until Thursday. I'm miss being on here during the day! I better go before another customer walks in, please be in prayer for big sales!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Other than that all I did yesterday was work. I worked yesterday evening but I slept in so late that I barely got the animals fed before I had to be here. Today I'll be working open to close which means 10am-9pm. I just got through waiting on these customers who tried on so much stuff, left things a mess and didn't buy a thing. I do tend to get frustrated easily when it looks like they are going to buy something and then don't. Yesterday was a relatively slow day up here too. I'm not working that many hours for the rest of the week and I need to make all the commission I can while I'm working but that is totally dependant on people buying. Maybe my expectations are too high since I do work in an expensive boutique. But people know that when they are walking in here. I've never walked into a cheap boutique and as far as "cheap" goes this is the less expensive boutique I've ever seen. I'm not trying to negate the fact that things are expensive, I just don't go into stores that I know I can't afford.
I guess I've complained enough now and while I could type much more I need to get off here and at least appear to be busy. Hopefully things will pick up this evening. I probably will be able to post something longer tomorrow since I don't work again until Thursday. I'm miss being on here during the day! I better go before another customer walks in, please be in prayer for big sales!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Leaving It In The Hands of God...
So Farry ended up calling me yesterday to come into work. I can’t tell you how excited I was to get out of the house! I was hoping she would call me this weekend so I could show her how dependable I could be to come in at a moments notice. And that’s what it turned out to be. I was heading down to feed the horses and she called and she wanted me to be there in an hour and a half. Now understand I was all gross! I needed to get a shower so bad! I think I took my shortest shower ever. I was in and out in like five minutes! It’s a thirty minute drive there (and I like to get there a little early) so I only had an hour to get ready. There were other things I could’ve done at the house, but I knew work was more important. She was so happy I was going to be able to come in for her.
So I got there ten minutes early and the store wasn’t busy at all! I figured on a Saturday the store would be packed, but to no avail. She said they had been incredibly slow all day and she had hardly sold a thing. That is so unusual for her. So we went over everything that had happened that day and the day before. She pointed out that if I had shown the right shoes to her friend I could have made the sell on Thursday so I was really bummed about that. I was ready to do some big selling last night. The store stayed kind of busy but no one wanted to buy anything and it was so frustrating. I did manage to sell one pair of jeans at $130.00 and I was really excited about that. There was also this other girl that came up and she tried on several pair of jeans. We got up to the cash register and I told her the total and she changed her mind. Now I’m trying to be understanding about the fact that the clothes in our store are expensive, but this girl knew that while she was trying them on. So that was my total for the night and Farry had wanted me to sell around $300.00 worth so I didn’t even make half. I had prayed so hard that the Lord would really send me the business last night, but for whatever reason it just wasn’t happening.
I did sleep in incredibly late yesterday. Once again I didn’t sleep well with Danny being gone and once he got home I was out! I guess I just need him beside me to really sleep well. I didn’t cook anything yesterday because I knew we had dinner from the night before. I didn’t have time to eat before I left for work and I knew that I would be starving by the time the store closed. Sure enough, Taco Bueno was still opened so I stopped and got me a party burrito which is what I always get. I pulled over in the parking lot because I knew it wouldn’t be safe for me to be driving down the road trying to eat it. When I got home I was still hungry so I heated me up some chicken noodles and ate an orange. Not the greatest combination in the world, but it satisfied me.
Today I got up and went to church like a good girl. Pastor Don has been teaching out of Hebrews and it’s been amazing. We have question and answer time after the message but he explains it so well that anymore I don’t have any questions. I just sit there amazed at what God is teaching me through his messages. We did have some visitors today and that got me really excited. Our church needs to grow and I’ve really been praying about that here lately. I love the fact that we have a small church, but there is still room for growth. It was a large family and they seemed to really like the message that Don gave this morning, as they kept nodding through his message. I hope they decide to come again and really see what our church is about. I know if they give it a chance they will love it as much as I do.
I came home and started feeding the animals right away. I had texted Danny last night to let him know that I hadn’t gotten a chance to feed yet before I had to leave, but he didn’t get it until he was on his way to work, so the horses didn’t get fed yesterday (poor babies!). I knew they had to be starving so I changed into something warmer and headed down there. Now the other day I guess I didn’t lock the gate that goes into the tack room well enough and the horses got in and destroyed the tack room. It’s still a mess but I just didn’t feel like cleaning it up today and I wouldn’t even know where to start because it is such a disaster. After that I fed the dogs and the bunnies. We had another litter of baby bunnies but again there is no sign of them so I can only assume that they are eating their babies. This makes me so sad. I thought these rabbits would be a good way of making some side money but there is no way I could’ve known that they would eat their own babies. I think I’ve given up on the idea of them ever raising their own young. Money will have to be made elsewhere. Speaking of money and animals, we are getting serious about selling the yearling horses. We paid $800.00 a piece for them and just to get them sold we are going down to $250.00 a piece! These horses are worth so much more than that, but there just isn’t a market for them right now. If worse comes to worse we are going to donate them to a riding ministry and just get a tax deduction for them on next year’s taxes. Not what I imagined doing, but in the end if they have a good home (and they would there) I guess that’s all that matters.
Now I’m debating on whether or not I should fix me an early dinner. I’ve been eating a ton of pasta lately and I’m thinking maybe I’ll just have some leftovers. I’m not sure yet, but I know I’m getting hungry. I’m only eating one meal a day (not on purpose but I’m just not that hungry) and so I can’t figure out why I’m not losing weight. It’s getting really aggravating. I have so many clothes that I could wear if I could just go back to my smaller size, but for whatever reason I just can’t lose this weight. Half of my clothes right now are too small and it makes me want to cry. I didn’t do anything different so the only thing I can think of is some of this medicine must have made me put on some weight and it won’t let me lose it. But my biggest deal right now is being able to be productive at my job. I want to be Farry’s biggest seller, but with the store being so slow I don’t see how this can happen. I really need the Lord to help me out in this area and send me customers who are ready to buy.
I’m working again tomorrow and possibly opening and closing the store. That means I will be there from 9:45 in the morning until 9:15 at night. That will be a long day especially if the store is slow. There is only so much you can clean in a store as small as ours. I’m praying that tomorrow I can sell around $700.00 worth. That’s a big goal and hopefully with the Lord’s help I can surpass that goal. I know if I did Farry would be so excited! I don’t know how to make me a better sales person but if the Lord is willing I know I can do it. Well I guess I better get off here and eat something. My stomach is growling and letting me know it’s time to eat. Hopefully I’ll get in the mood to do something around the house because I haven’t done a thing today. It’s been a lazy day outside of church and I need to get something accomplished. I think Danny’s given up on having clean socks folded and ready for him in his drawer. I need to do so much especially since I’ll be working Monday and Tuesday. Please be in prayer that I can sell more than I could ever hope to. I need to show Farry that I can handle a business especially since she is wanting to make me the manager of the plus size boutique when it opens this summer. I’m still praying about that because that means I would have to work full time but I’m leaving it and everything else in the hands of God. He will show me the path He wants me to take!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
So I got there ten minutes early and the store wasn’t busy at all! I figured on a Saturday the store would be packed, but to no avail. She said they had been incredibly slow all day and she had hardly sold a thing. That is so unusual for her. So we went over everything that had happened that day and the day before. She pointed out that if I had shown the right shoes to her friend I could have made the sell on Thursday so I was really bummed about that. I was ready to do some big selling last night. The store stayed kind of busy but no one wanted to buy anything and it was so frustrating. I did manage to sell one pair of jeans at $130.00 and I was really excited about that. There was also this other girl that came up and she tried on several pair of jeans. We got up to the cash register and I told her the total and she changed her mind. Now I’m trying to be understanding about the fact that the clothes in our store are expensive, but this girl knew that while she was trying them on. So that was my total for the night and Farry had wanted me to sell around $300.00 worth so I didn’t even make half. I had prayed so hard that the Lord would really send me the business last night, but for whatever reason it just wasn’t happening.
I did sleep in incredibly late yesterday. Once again I didn’t sleep well with Danny being gone and once he got home I was out! I guess I just need him beside me to really sleep well. I didn’t cook anything yesterday because I knew we had dinner from the night before. I didn’t have time to eat before I left for work and I knew that I would be starving by the time the store closed. Sure enough, Taco Bueno was still opened so I stopped and got me a party burrito which is what I always get. I pulled over in the parking lot because I knew it wouldn’t be safe for me to be driving down the road trying to eat it. When I got home I was still hungry so I heated me up some chicken noodles and ate an orange. Not the greatest combination in the world, but it satisfied me.
Today I got up and went to church like a good girl. Pastor Don has been teaching out of Hebrews and it’s been amazing. We have question and answer time after the message but he explains it so well that anymore I don’t have any questions. I just sit there amazed at what God is teaching me through his messages. We did have some visitors today and that got me really excited. Our church needs to grow and I’ve really been praying about that here lately. I love the fact that we have a small church, but there is still room for growth. It was a large family and they seemed to really like the message that Don gave this morning, as they kept nodding through his message. I hope they decide to come again and really see what our church is about. I know if they give it a chance they will love it as much as I do.
I came home and started feeding the animals right away. I had texted Danny last night to let him know that I hadn’t gotten a chance to feed yet before I had to leave, but he didn’t get it until he was on his way to work, so the horses didn’t get fed yesterday (poor babies!). I knew they had to be starving so I changed into something warmer and headed down there. Now the other day I guess I didn’t lock the gate that goes into the tack room well enough and the horses got in and destroyed the tack room. It’s still a mess but I just didn’t feel like cleaning it up today and I wouldn’t even know where to start because it is such a disaster. After that I fed the dogs and the bunnies. We had another litter of baby bunnies but again there is no sign of them so I can only assume that they are eating their babies. This makes me so sad. I thought these rabbits would be a good way of making some side money but there is no way I could’ve known that they would eat their own babies. I think I’ve given up on the idea of them ever raising their own young. Money will have to be made elsewhere. Speaking of money and animals, we are getting serious about selling the yearling horses. We paid $800.00 a piece for them and just to get them sold we are going down to $250.00 a piece! These horses are worth so much more than that, but there just isn’t a market for them right now. If worse comes to worse we are going to donate them to a riding ministry and just get a tax deduction for them on next year’s taxes. Not what I imagined doing, but in the end if they have a good home (and they would there) I guess that’s all that matters.
Now I’m debating on whether or not I should fix me an early dinner. I’ve been eating a ton of pasta lately and I’m thinking maybe I’ll just have some leftovers. I’m not sure yet, but I know I’m getting hungry. I’m only eating one meal a day (not on purpose but I’m just not that hungry) and so I can’t figure out why I’m not losing weight. It’s getting really aggravating. I have so many clothes that I could wear if I could just go back to my smaller size, but for whatever reason I just can’t lose this weight. Half of my clothes right now are too small and it makes me want to cry. I didn’t do anything different so the only thing I can think of is some of this medicine must have made me put on some weight and it won’t let me lose it. But my biggest deal right now is being able to be productive at my job. I want to be Farry’s biggest seller, but with the store being so slow I don’t see how this can happen. I really need the Lord to help me out in this area and send me customers who are ready to buy.
I’m working again tomorrow and possibly opening and closing the store. That means I will be there from 9:45 in the morning until 9:15 at night. That will be a long day especially if the store is slow. There is only so much you can clean in a store as small as ours. I’m praying that tomorrow I can sell around $700.00 worth. That’s a big goal and hopefully with the Lord’s help I can surpass that goal. I know if I did Farry would be so excited! I don’t know how to make me a better sales person but if the Lord is willing I know I can do it. Well I guess I better get off here and eat something. My stomach is growling and letting me know it’s time to eat. Hopefully I’ll get in the mood to do something around the house because I haven’t done a thing today. It’s been a lazy day outside of church and I need to get something accomplished. I think Danny’s given up on having clean socks folded and ready for him in his drawer. I need to do so much especially since I’ll be working Monday and Tuesday. Please be in prayer that I can sell more than I could ever hope to. I need to show Farry that I can handle a business especially since she is wanting to make me the manager of the plus size boutique when it opens this summer. I’m still praying about that because that means I would have to work full time but I’m leaving it and everything else in the hands of God. He will show me the path He wants me to take!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Friday, February 19, 2010
No Work This Weekend :( ....
I went to work yesterday hoping last night would be a big selling time, but oh no! I ended up not selling a thing! I was so disappointed! We had about six customers come in (understand it’s a small, expensive store) and we had several customers try things on, but no one bought a thing. There was this one girl that’s a friend of Farry’s who is coming back today to buy a few things. I was hoping she wouldn’t wait on Farry and would go ahead and buy the things she loved, but she wanted to wait to get Farry’s opinion first.
I cleaned the store from top to bottom. I didn’t have to, it wasn’t on my list of things to do, but I was bored. Only having six customers come in during four hours of work just isn’t much. Farry was disappointed that I didn’t sell anything, but what can I say, they just weren’t interested. I did talk with Farry before she left and she asked me if I would be willing to go full time during the summer time. She is wanting to make me the store manager of a plus size store. I don’t know what I think about that. I really have no desire to work full time but I would be getting a raise plus commission and I think that would be great money for us. I will have to do some serious praying about it. I asked Danny how he felt about it and he wants to wait and see over the next couple of months to see if I really like the job. I did get a call from Marshal’s to see if I wanted to come work for them, but I don’t think I do. This job feels right even if it is a little bit farther away. And I can’t believe she’s already thinking about promoting me to a manager’s position after working there for only a week. She must be seeing something I’m not. The other thing I noticed is she isn’t working me a lot this next week. She doesn’t even have me working this weekend! I had hoped this is when I would get the majority of my hours in. She did say she might have me work open to close on Monday plus open on Tuesday because she may be going out of town. But even working that much still doesn’t make up for what I could be doing this weekend. The one thing I did notice is she does have me leaving at 2:30 the rest of the week so I can go get Ciara. That is definitely a plus because we didn’t want to have to put her in extended care, so I’m thankful for that!
When I got home I was feeling very frustrated with myself for not selling anything. I felt in a way like I had been a failure. Maybe I shouldn’t feel that way, but you have to consider I’m only getting minimum wage unless I sell something and make a commission. For example, the other day, when I sold over three hundred dollars worth, it ended up to where I was almost making ten dollars per hour. That’s not bad for five hours worth of work. So when I got home I decided I needed to relax. So I ran me a hot bath and sat in there for almost an hour letting my feet soak and trying to get rid of the soreness out of them. I have to say it did make me feel so much better. I read a good book the only thing I was missing was a glass of wine. That would have really topped it off! I ended up going to bed around 11:00 and it felt so good to crawl beneath the covers even if Danny wasn’t there. And I actually slept pretty well last night which is unusual when he isn’t home. I did notice as soon as he got home I was able to sleep really hard with him lying next to me.
Today I got up and got dressed pretty quick because I had a call from the doctor’s office that they had called me in a prescription for my pink eye. I also had one of my headaches and I knew my headache medicine was really at the pharmacy too. The good thing is my headache has subsided and I didn’t even have to take my headache medicine which is a good thing since it knocks me out. When I got home I started trying to figure out what we would have for dinner. Barbeque sounded really good so I got a whole chicken out of the freezer and thawed it in the microwave. I have this great recipe for barbeque chicken in the slow cooker so I decided that is what we would have for dinner. I love my slow cooker because once you have it on you don’t have to watch it or mess with it, it fixes itself. I worked on the kitchen for awhile and got some accomplished. Yesterday I had read through the rest of the weeks Bible readings not knowing if I would be working or not so I didn’t want to get behind so now I have nothing to do. Don’t get me wrong I could continue to clean the house, but again I’m just not in the mood. I did tell Farry yesterday to reconsider the hours she doesn’t have me working this weekend and try to reschedule me so I would be working some hours. I think she is nervous about the weekend because that’s a big time to sell for her. I pray she does reconsider and has me work some this weekend.
Now I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. I would rather be bored at work and be getting paid than be bored at home. When I’m bored at home I tend to smoke more and I don’t like that. I could curl up next to Danny and take a little nap, but I’m really not that tired. I could fix me something to eat, but I don’t feel that hungry yet. Maybe I’ll make me a little pasta and sit down with my book and read some. I have nothing else planned for the day so I will sit here on the computer I’m sure and just be bored out of my mind. Oh, I do need to go take my eye medicine again. I’m really trying to get rid of this pink eye. I forgot how much it could hurt. The other thing is today is Elowyn’s birthday. My little puppy turns a year old today. Won’t give her any special treat but I can’t believe almost a year has gone by since we got her! Time flies by so very fast. Well I guess I could get off here and do some laundry but that sounds awful right now. I could pamper myself with a long hot shower, but I’m not feeling it right now since I just took a long bath last night. Well here I am rambling again so I guess I really should get off and plan the side dishes we are having with dinner tonight. Oh, maybe I could make myself a sweet potato for lunch; that actually sounds good. Praying for you all!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I cleaned the store from top to bottom. I didn’t have to, it wasn’t on my list of things to do, but I was bored. Only having six customers come in during four hours of work just isn’t much. Farry was disappointed that I didn’t sell anything, but what can I say, they just weren’t interested. I did talk with Farry before she left and she asked me if I would be willing to go full time during the summer time. She is wanting to make me the store manager of a plus size store. I don’t know what I think about that. I really have no desire to work full time but I would be getting a raise plus commission and I think that would be great money for us. I will have to do some serious praying about it. I asked Danny how he felt about it and he wants to wait and see over the next couple of months to see if I really like the job. I did get a call from Marshal’s to see if I wanted to come work for them, but I don’t think I do. This job feels right even if it is a little bit farther away. And I can’t believe she’s already thinking about promoting me to a manager’s position after working there for only a week. She must be seeing something I’m not. The other thing I noticed is she isn’t working me a lot this next week. She doesn’t even have me working this weekend! I had hoped this is when I would get the majority of my hours in. She did say she might have me work open to close on Monday plus open on Tuesday because she may be going out of town. But even working that much still doesn’t make up for what I could be doing this weekend. The one thing I did notice is she does have me leaving at 2:30 the rest of the week so I can go get Ciara. That is definitely a plus because we didn’t want to have to put her in extended care, so I’m thankful for that!
When I got home I was feeling very frustrated with myself for not selling anything. I felt in a way like I had been a failure. Maybe I shouldn’t feel that way, but you have to consider I’m only getting minimum wage unless I sell something and make a commission. For example, the other day, when I sold over three hundred dollars worth, it ended up to where I was almost making ten dollars per hour. That’s not bad for five hours worth of work. So when I got home I decided I needed to relax. So I ran me a hot bath and sat in there for almost an hour letting my feet soak and trying to get rid of the soreness out of them. I have to say it did make me feel so much better. I read a good book the only thing I was missing was a glass of wine. That would have really topped it off! I ended up going to bed around 11:00 and it felt so good to crawl beneath the covers even if Danny wasn’t there. And I actually slept pretty well last night which is unusual when he isn’t home. I did notice as soon as he got home I was able to sleep really hard with him lying next to me.
Today I got up and got dressed pretty quick because I had a call from the doctor’s office that they had called me in a prescription for my pink eye. I also had one of my headaches and I knew my headache medicine was really at the pharmacy too. The good thing is my headache has subsided and I didn’t even have to take my headache medicine which is a good thing since it knocks me out. When I got home I started trying to figure out what we would have for dinner. Barbeque sounded really good so I got a whole chicken out of the freezer and thawed it in the microwave. I have this great recipe for barbeque chicken in the slow cooker so I decided that is what we would have for dinner. I love my slow cooker because once you have it on you don’t have to watch it or mess with it, it fixes itself. I worked on the kitchen for awhile and got some accomplished. Yesterday I had read through the rest of the weeks Bible readings not knowing if I would be working or not so I didn’t want to get behind so now I have nothing to do. Don’t get me wrong I could continue to clean the house, but again I’m just not in the mood. I did tell Farry yesterday to reconsider the hours she doesn’t have me working this weekend and try to reschedule me so I would be working some hours. I think she is nervous about the weekend because that’s a big time to sell for her. I pray she does reconsider and has me work some this weekend.
Now I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. I would rather be bored at work and be getting paid than be bored at home. When I’m bored at home I tend to smoke more and I don’t like that. I could curl up next to Danny and take a little nap, but I’m really not that tired. I could fix me something to eat, but I don’t feel that hungry yet. Maybe I’ll make me a little pasta and sit down with my book and read some. I have nothing else planned for the day so I will sit here on the computer I’m sure and just be bored out of my mind. Oh, I do need to go take my eye medicine again. I’m really trying to get rid of this pink eye. I forgot how much it could hurt. The other thing is today is Elowyn’s birthday. My little puppy turns a year old today. Won’t give her any special treat but I can’t believe almost a year has gone by since we got her! Time flies by so very fast. Well I guess I could get off here and do some laundry but that sounds awful right now. I could pamper myself with a long hot shower, but I’m not feeling it right now since I just took a long bath last night. Well here I am rambling again so I guess I really should get off and plan the side dishes we are having with dinner tonight. Oh, maybe I could make myself a sweet potato for lunch; that actually sounds good. Praying for you all!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Closing Tonight...
Well I finally got to see Anita today and I had so much to tell her. Normally we only talk for about thirty to forty-five minutes, but today I used the full hour. It has been a month since I’ve seen her and I could really tell it was time to talk. The main thing she had to say today is I need to work on setting boundaries. I’m really bad about letting people walk all over me and already I can see letting Farry have her way with my hours and Anita said no way! She said boundaries still exist with the necessity of needing hours to work. I can’t let her run all over me and dictate to me that I need to stay until 4:00 when I really need to be leaving there at 3:00 to pick up Ciara. Is it bad for Ciara to stay in after care? No. But what is bad is allowing her to change my hours after Farry agreed to let me leave at 3:00. I’ll have to really pray about this because I hate the thought of a potential confrontation. Not that it would be, but it’s just the possibility that it could happen.
The other big thing I had to do today was talk to Ciara’s teacher about this boy that’s really been inappropriate. When I say inappropriate, I mean trying to grab her chest, inappropriate! I told Ciara if he ever touched she was to deck him and she said not to worry that if he did anything she would just rack him lol. But I did tell her if I found out that she didn’t do anything to protect herself she would be in trouble with me, but if she did do something and got in trouble at school she would in no way be in trouble at home and I would take care of the school issue. Now the main problem is this boy is sitting behind her and won’t leave her alone. He reminds me of a type of stalker! Ciara said this boy pulls her hair out and keeps it and just says gross things to her. I wanted her moved! I told Jean (our pastor’s wife and her math and science teacher) what was going on and she moved her immediately much to my relief. Now I expect her to be moved in her homeroom and in any other class where she might sit next to him. The teacher said I should have come in right away when the problems started happening and I told her I didn’t want to be one of the tattle-tale mom’s. She said not to worry that she would talk to Ciara and get to the bottom of it so that made me feel better. Ciara was so excited that I went and finally talked with the teacher and I think she feels more relieved than I do. I really think this boy scares her and Ciara doesn’t scare easily. But hopefully the problem has been taken care of now.
I also called the doctor this morning because Ciara gave me her pink eye! Yuck! Ciara is going with Jason a day early (meaning she’s going today) so we can’t share her prescription anymore. I had been just using hers and now that she’s gone I’m without any and I still need medicine. So when I called the doctor I told the nurse the situation and she said they would get a prescription called in for me. I need to call the pharmacy in about an hour to see if they got it called in so I can go pick it up so I can have my afternoon dose. Geez, it’s always something…
Now I sit here blogging because I really don’t want to do anything else. I need to clean the kitchen, match socks for Danny, and just do a general house cleaning but I don’t want to. I just want to relax before I have to go in and work tonight. I’m praying that the Lord prospers me tonight as I work and I can make a lot of sales. I think the store will be busier at night than during the day because that just makes sense. More people go and shop after work and kids will be out of school then. I close by myself tonight and Danny is really nervous about it. He’s going to get me some mace to have on me for when I’m walking to the car, but he still says to have a security guard walk me to my car for safety’s sake. I think he’s right, because I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard of women getting abducted out of mall shopping centers when they are walking to their car and I don’t want to be another statistic. So please also be in prayer that the Lord keeps me safe as I do this job. I think it would be different if there was another person working there that could walk out with me, but since there is only one person working at a time, it makes it all the more dangerous. Well I guess I should get off of here and do something productive with the three hours I have left. Maybe I’ll be so productive as to take a nap lol. We’ll see, but I do know that I need to do my daily Bible reading and have some quiet time with the Lord. That will be at the top of my list to do this afternoon. So I think I’ll go do that right now. Until next time, my prayers are with you all as always…
Melissa Fitzwilliam
The other big thing I had to do today was talk to Ciara’s teacher about this boy that’s really been inappropriate. When I say inappropriate, I mean trying to grab her chest, inappropriate! I told Ciara if he ever touched she was to deck him and she said not to worry that if he did anything she would just rack him lol. But I did tell her if I found out that she didn’t do anything to protect herself she would be in trouble with me, but if she did do something and got in trouble at school she would in no way be in trouble at home and I would take care of the school issue. Now the main problem is this boy is sitting behind her and won’t leave her alone. He reminds me of a type of stalker! Ciara said this boy pulls her hair out and keeps it and just says gross things to her. I wanted her moved! I told Jean (our pastor’s wife and her math and science teacher) what was going on and she moved her immediately much to my relief. Now I expect her to be moved in her homeroom and in any other class where she might sit next to him. The teacher said I should have come in right away when the problems started happening and I told her I didn’t want to be one of the tattle-tale mom’s. She said not to worry that she would talk to Ciara and get to the bottom of it so that made me feel better. Ciara was so excited that I went and finally talked with the teacher and I think she feels more relieved than I do. I really think this boy scares her and Ciara doesn’t scare easily. But hopefully the problem has been taken care of now.
I also called the doctor this morning because Ciara gave me her pink eye! Yuck! Ciara is going with Jason a day early (meaning she’s going today) so we can’t share her prescription anymore. I had been just using hers and now that she’s gone I’m without any and I still need medicine. So when I called the doctor I told the nurse the situation and she said they would get a prescription called in for me. I need to call the pharmacy in about an hour to see if they got it called in so I can go pick it up so I can have my afternoon dose. Geez, it’s always something…
Now I sit here blogging because I really don’t want to do anything else. I need to clean the kitchen, match socks for Danny, and just do a general house cleaning but I don’t want to. I just want to relax before I have to go in and work tonight. I’m praying that the Lord prospers me tonight as I work and I can make a lot of sales. I think the store will be busier at night than during the day because that just makes sense. More people go and shop after work and kids will be out of school then. I close by myself tonight and Danny is really nervous about it. He’s going to get me some mace to have on me for when I’m walking to the car, but he still says to have a security guard walk me to my car for safety’s sake. I think he’s right, because I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard of women getting abducted out of mall shopping centers when they are walking to their car and I don’t want to be another statistic. So please also be in prayer that the Lord keeps me safe as I do this job. I think it would be different if there was another person working there that could walk out with me, but since there is only one person working at a time, it makes it all the more dangerous. Well I guess I should get off of here and do something productive with the three hours I have left. Maybe I’ll be so productive as to take a nap lol. We’ll see, but I do know that I need to do my daily Bible reading and have some quiet time with the Lord. That will be at the top of my list to do this afternoon. So I think I’ll go do that right now. Until next time, my prayers are with you all as always…
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Here In This Moment With You...
Beckah Shae - Here In This Moment
From the album Life
So here I am, ready to have all of you
So here I am, waiting for you
Oh, nothing can change the way I feel when I'm with you You give me a peace that surpasses all understanding And no one can tell me there's a better place Than with you, you give love everlasting
Oh, here you come (come) with arms open wide (come and fill me) Oh, cuz you are the one (you are the one) who fulfills all my desires
chorus
You are Love, you are Life
You're the air that I breathe, you're my day and my night You're my Joy, you're my Peace You're the wings for my flight and vision to my sight You are Truth, you are Power Gave me faith to believe, brought me straight to my knees Now I'm standing here in this moment with you There's nowhere I'd rather be
Oh, there's only one who can truly satisfy me Only You can give me everything that I need And as high as the heavens are above the earth You show me your love so unconditionally
Oh, here you come (come) with arms open wide (come and fill me) Oh, cuz you are the one (you are the one) who can fill me with this fire
chorus
There's nothing that I can do without ya I know life only because of your love I just can't breathe without ya, I'm so crazy about ya And I know love only because of your life Oh, you overwhelm me with your love (all your glory overflowing) Oh, you overwhelm me, you overwhelm me, you overwhelm me, you overwhelm
chorus
I absolutely love this new song! He is so overwhelming, His love, His power, His grace, and His mercy. His fire is all-consuming and refreshing. I am totally crazy about my God. I pray this blesses you the way it has me!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
From the album Life
So here I am, ready to have all of you
So here I am, waiting for you
Oh, nothing can change the way I feel when I'm with you You give me a peace that surpasses all understanding And no one can tell me there's a better place Than with you, you give love everlasting
Oh, here you come (come) with arms open wide (come and fill me) Oh, cuz you are the one (you are the one) who fulfills all my desires
chorus
You are Love, you are Life
You're the air that I breathe, you're my day and my night You're my Joy, you're my Peace You're the wings for my flight and vision to my sight You are Truth, you are Power Gave me faith to believe, brought me straight to my knees Now I'm standing here in this moment with you There's nowhere I'd rather be
Oh, there's only one who can truly satisfy me Only You can give me everything that I need And as high as the heavens are above the earth You show me your love so unconditionally
Oh, here you come (come) with arms open wide (come and fill me) Oh, cuz you are the one (you are the one) who can fill me with this fire
chorus
There's nothing that I can do without ya I know life only because of your love I just can't breathe without ya, I'm so crazy about ya And I know love only because of your life Oh, you overwhelm me with your love (all your glory overflowing) Oh, you overwhelm me, you overwhelm me, you overwhelm me, you overwhelm
chorus
I absolutely love this new song! He is so overwhelming, His love, His power, His grace, and His mercy. His fire is all-consuming and refreshing. I am totally crazy about my God. I pray this blesses you the way it has me!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
He Will Take Care of Everything!
Yesterday was a busy day for me. By the end of the day I was so worn out and even now I still feel tired even though I slept for over twelve hours! Yesterday was my first day opening the store all by myself. When I got there I had a note waiting on me and Farry wanted me to sale around $400.00 worth of merchandise. When I read the note I just cringed. I thought how in the world am I going to be able to sale that much! I started praying that the Lord would bring people in and that He would prosper me with every person that walked through that door. I didn’t have to wait that long, I was doing my morning cleaning when this very nice looking older lady walked through the door. She was well dressed and looked like she belonged in a boutique. We started talking and before I knew it she was trying on jeans and looking for stuff for her granddaughter. Before the first hour was out I had sold $100.00 worth of merchandise! Not a bad way to start out the day.
I try to stay busy while I’m there because otherwise the time just drags by. The other hard thing is not being able to smoke. I know I need to quit but that is easier said than done. I get one fifteen minute break when I work from 10:00 to 4:00 and for me that’s a long time to go with just one cigarette. Rather than eating on my break I typically go outside and smoke a cigarette then I’m right back in doing my work. I need to take some snacks up there with me so I can at least munch on something while I’m there, but the time really does go by pretty fast when you keep working. The one thing I have noticed is when I get dressed up for work I only have heels to put on with my outfits and before the end of the day my feet are killing me because I’m on them all the time. I need some good supportive flats but that requires money to which we don’t have any, so I guess I’m going to have to get Danny to rub my feet (yeah good luck with that happening lol).
The rest of the day we had a few people come in, I think total there was a little over 5 people who came in and I ended up making sales to 3 people. It would have been 4 people if I would’ve known that we could’ve accepted personal checks but the girl is coming back on Thursday to buy the jeans she couldn’t get yesterday. All together I sold a little over $320.00 dollars on my first day there by myself. Farry was so happy when she came in. She knows, had I been able to make that last sale on jeans, that I would’ve cleared the $400.00 mark. I was glad I was able to show her that I am a hard worker and that I will strive to meet the goals that she sets for me. It was a wee bit stressful (to the point I did walk out with a slight headache) but overall it was workable. The other thing I found out is the hours are going to be 10-4 which will be a problem because when she says 4:00 that doesn’t mean you get to leave at that time. You have to “close out” your shift which includes writing down everything you sold, count the drawer, and have a short meeting over what happened that day. So when you add all that in you typically don’t get out of there until 4:30-4:45. The reason that is a problem is because Ciara has to be picked up from school at 3:20 or she has to go to extended care which cost money. It’s not a huge amount of money, but still we are trying to stay away from any cash going out so we can pay our bills. I’m not sure how this is going to go yet, but Danny wants me to talk to her about it. I figure I can do it when I go in tomorrow afternoon (I close by myself tomorrow night) and just tell her the situation and she what she has to say about it.
When I finally got home I realized it was Women’s Bible Study night and I was debating whether or not to go. I was so tired, just absolutely drained, and a night at home with the family sounded good. What really sounded good was a hot bath and a bed, but God prevailed and I went to Bible study. It ended up that only Janice and I were there, but it was still a good study. We chatted for a little bit about things going on at church, our desire to see the church grow, and just other little odds and ends. Bible study ended up lasting two hours, so I didn’t get home until almost 9:00. My left eye was hurting me on the way home so when I got here I looked at and I’m pretty sure I have pink eye now! Sigh. Luckily Ciara has enough medicine for the both of us so I popped out my contact and put some medicine in right away. Then I got ready for bed even though it was still fairly early. I just needed to rest. My body isn’t use to this schedule yet and being on my feet all day. So while it was early to bed, it was not early to rise.
I did get up around 7:15 this morning to take Ciara to school, but when I got back home I went straight back to bed. I ended up not waking up until almost 1:00! I woke up with one of my headaches, but I think it was because of the stress I was feeling yesterday. I’m hopeful that as I get use to this the stress will go away and therefore the headaches will go away too. I do work tomorrow afternoon to close and the Lord really worked out that schedule. Normally I wouldn’t have been able to work because I would have Ciara, but she is going with Jason a day early this time, so I have nothing tying me down. The other thing is I finally have an appointment with Anita tomorrow morning. It’s been probably a month since I’ve seen her and I’m really feeling the effects of not being able to see her. Her schedule is so busy that you can’t just get in on a moments notice. So with me working tomorrow night it frees me up to visit with her tomorrow morning. Yes God definitely worked out my schedule and He is just showing me that I have nothing to worry about because He will take care of everything.
I’m going to jump off here and finally get myself cleaned up and dressed. I’ve been sitting here in my night clothes and it’s almost 2:00 in the afternoon. I have to admit thought it was really nice to be able to sleep in. Ciara is being a doll again! She swept and mopped the kitchen last night while I was gone to Bible study, she made another cake, and this morning she ran the dish washer and all of this is without being told or even asked to. I think she realizes that with me working now she is going to have to step up and help around the house. I have such a wonderful daughter. I actually have four amazing daughters that I am so blessed to have! Please continue to pray for prosperity in my job. I know I can do this through Him. I also wish to be a light for Him as I do this job, so pray that I would be a witness for Him. Things are going to start to look up, because He will take care of everything!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I try to stay busy while I’m there because otherwise the time just drags by. The other hard thing is not being able to smoke. I know I need to quit but that is easier said than done. I get one fifteen minute break when I work from 10:00 to 4:00 and for me that’s a long time to go with just one cigarette. Rather than eating on my break I typically go outside and smoke a cigarette then I’m right back in doing my work. I need to take some snacks up there with me so I can at least munch on something while I’m there, but the time really does go by pretty fast when you keep working. The one thing I have noticed is when I get dressed up for work I only have heels to put on with my outfits and before the end of the day my feet are killing me because I’m on them all the time. I need some good supportive flats but that requires money to which we don’t have any, so I guess I’m going to have to get Danny to rub my feet (yeah good luck with that happening lol).
The rest of the day we had a few people come in, I think total there was a little over 5 people who came in and I ended up making sales to 3 people. It would have been 4 people if I would’ve known that we could’ve accepted personal checks but the girl is coming back on Thursday to buy the jeans she couldn’t get yesterday. All together I sold a little over $320.00 dollars on my first day there by myself. Farry was so happy when she came in. She knows, had I been able to make that last sale on jeans, that I would’ve cleared the $400.00 mark. I was glad I was able to show her that I am a hard worker and that I will strive to meet the goals that she sets for me. It was a wee bit stressful (to the point I did walk out with a slight headache) but overall it was workable. The other thing I found out is the hours are going to be 10-4 which will be a problem because when she says 4:00 that doesn’t mean you get to leave at that time. You have to “close out” your shift which includes writing down everything you sold, count the drawer, and have a short meeting over what happened that day. So when you add all that in you typically don’t get out of there until 4:30-4:45. The reason that is a problem is because Ciara has to be picked up from school at 3:20 or she has to go to extended care which cost money. It’s not a huge amount of money, but still we are trying to stay away from any cash going out so we can pay our bills. I’m not sure how this is going to go yet, but Danny wants me to talk to her about it. I figure I can do it when I go in tomorrow afternoon (I close by myself tomorrow night) and just tell her the situation and she what she has to say about it.
When I finally got home I realized it was Women’s Bible Study night and I was debating whether or not to go. I was so tired, just absolutely drained, and a night at home with the family sounded good. What really sounded good was a hot bath and a bed, but God prevailed and I went to Bible study. It ended up that only Janice and I were there, but it was still a good study. We chatted for a little bit about things going on at church, our desire to see the church grow, and just other little odds and ends. Bible study ended up lasting two hours, so I didn’t get home until almost 9:00. My left eye was hurting me on the way home so when I got here I looked at and I’m pretty sure I have pink eye now! Sigh. Luckily Ciara has enough medicine for the both of us so I popped out my contact and put some medicine in right away. Then I got ready for bed even though it was still fairly early. I just needed to rest. My body isn’t use to this schedule yet and being on my feet all day. So while it was early to bed, it was not early to rise.
I did get up around 7:15 this morning to take Ciara to school, but when I got back home I went straight back to bed. I ended up not waking up until almost 1:00! I woke up with one of my headaches, but I think it was because of the stress I was feeling yesterday. I’m hopeful that as I get use to this the stress will go away and therefore the headaches will go away too. I do work tomorrow afternoon to close and the Lord really worked out that schedule. Normally I wouldn’t have been able to work because I would have Ciara, but she is going with Jason a day early this time, so I have nothing tying me down. The other thing is I finally have an appointment with Anita tomorrow morning. It’s been probably a month since I’ve seen her and I’m really feeling the effects of not being able to see her. Her schedule is so busy that you can’t just get in on a moments notice. So with me working tomorrow night it frees me up to visit with her tomorrow morning. Yes God definitely worked out my schedule and He is just showing me that I have nothing to worry about because He will take care of everything.
I’m going to jump off here and finally get myself cleaned up and dressed. I’ve been sitting here in my night clothes and it’s almost 2:00 in the afternoon. I have to admit thought it was really nice to be able to sleep in. Ciara is being a doll again! She swept and mopped the kitchen last night while I was gone to Bible study, she made another cake, and this morning she ran the dish washer and all of this is without being told or even asked to. I think she realizes that with me working now she is going to have to step up and help around the house. I have such a wonderful daughter. I actually have four amazing daughters that I am so blessed to have! Please continue to pray for prosperity in my job. I know I can do this through Him. I also wish to be a light for Him as I do this job, so pray that I would be a witness for Him. Things are going to start to look up, because He will take care of everything!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Monday, February 15, 2010
Nowhere to Turn but Him....
Well I sat down and paid bills today and we’ve finally gotten to the point I’ve been so scared about. I knew it was a matter of time, but it’s finally happened. We have now had to revert to paying bills with credit cards and it makes me want to cry. I can’t begin to tell you how incredibly stressed and upset I am! This job couldn’t have come sooner. I need to work all the hours I possibly can and make all the sales that are possible. If ever I needed God to show His mighty hand, it’s now. We are totally reliant upon His provisions right now. We have nowhere to turn to but Him. I am clinging desperately to Him right now because frankly I don’t know what we’re going to do. We have never been in this position before and it scares me so bad. I don’t know where to cut back because we are not extravagant spenders. We didn’t even buy each other anything for Valentine’s or anniversary because we knew we didn’t have the money. I’m praying the Lord makes a way for us because without it we are lost.
Outside of that today we went to the doctor with Danny to see if they could cure his headaches. The doctor gave him three shots in his neck and they didn’t work. He still has a horrible headache and he, too, is stressed beyond measure. I’m sure all this stress will not help his headache any at all, but right nothing I can do to help him out other than getting up and going to work. I pray that I have a prosperous day tomorrow because we need everything we can get.
I called Ciara’s doctor this morning to try and get her in for her pink eye and they said they would take a message and have the nurse get back with me. I waited and waited and finally right before lunch tried calling them back again but couldn’t get an answer. I waited until 2:00 and tried calling again but they said that her chart was on the doctor’s desk and he still had to look it over. All I needed to know was if she needed to be seen or if they could call in a prescription for her and I couldn’t get an answer. I was getting so frustrated. Now at 5:30 I just got the call that they just now called her a prescription in and I can go pick it up in an hour. It only took all day to hear back from them! Grrr
Now I’m sitting here totally stressed and trying not to smoke. The only thing that makes a good distraction is staying busy by cleaning or blogging so here I sit. I wish I could begin to describe the stress and the fear that is knotted up in the pit of my stomach. I am shaking I’m so upset. I keep trying to tell myself that being stressed about this won’t help anything, but to no avail. Danny wanted me to go down with him to help feed the horses, but I just didn’t have it in me today. I should’ve gone because of his head hurting, but Nicky was here to help so I skipped out. I just didn’t feel like being out in the cold and I knew if I got alone I would start crying. I hate it when I cry! But right now I need some kind of release. I haven’t been able to go see Anita because of both of our work schedules and it’s really starting to get to me. I need to talk to Farry tomorrow and let her know I need to leave at 3:00 so I can get Ciara so we don’t have to pay for extended care cost at school. We just don’t have the funds for it right now.
I think this is all I have in me today. Not a very uplifting peace, but it wasn’t one of my better days. I do think the medicine is starting to work again, because even as upset as I am, I think I could be worse if the medicine wasn’t working. It still feels like I need to be on more, but I’m not a doctor so what do I know. All I do know is I can’t take many more days like I had today. I can’t keep doing this each month and watch our finances get worse and worse. Hopefully with me working now we will find some relief. That’s my prayer….
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Outside of that today we went to the doctor with Danny to see if they could cure his headaches. The doctor gave him three shots in his neck and they didn’t work. He still has a horrible headache and he, too, is stressed beyond measure. I’m sure all this stress will not help his headache any at all, but right nothing I can do to help him out other than getting up and going to work. I pray that I have a prosperous day tomorrow because we need everything we can get.
I called Ciara’s doctor this morning to try and get her in for her pink eye and they said they would take a message and have the nurse get back with me. I waited and waited and finally right before lunch tried calling them back again but couldn’t get an answer. I waited until 2:00 and tried calling again but they said that her chart was on the doctor’s desk and he still had to look it over. All I needed to know was if she needed to be seen or if they could call in a prescription for her and I couldn’t get an answer. I was getting so frustrated. Now at 5:30 I just got the call that they just now called her a prescription in and I can go pick it up in an hour. It only took all day to hear back from them! Grrr
Now I’m sitting here totally stressed and trying not to smoke. The only thing that makes a good distraction is staying busy by cleaning or blogging so here I sit. I wish I could begin to describe the stress and the fear that is knotted up in the pit of my stomach. I am shaking I’m so upset. I keep trying to tell myself that being stressed about this won’t help anything, but to no avail. Danny wanted me to go down with him to help feed the horses, but I just didn’t have it in me today. I should’ve gone because of his head hurting, but Nicky was here to help so I skipped out. I just didn’t feel like being out in the cold and I knew if I got alone I would start crying. I hate it when I cry! But right now I need some kind of release. I haven’t been able to go see Anita because of both of our work schedules and it’s really starting to get to me. I need to talk to Farry tomorrow and let her know I need to leave at 3:00 so I can get Ciara so we don’t have to pay for extended care cost at school. We just don’t have the funds for it right now.
I think this is all I have in me today. Not a very uplifting peace, but it wasn’t one of my better days. I do think the medicine is starting to work again, because even as upset as I am, I think I could be worse if the medicine wasn’t working. It still feels like I need to be on more, but I’m not a doctor so what do I know. All I do know is I can’t take many more days like I had today. I can’t keep doing this each month and watch our finances get worse and worse. Hopefully with me working now we will find some relief. That’s my prayer….
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Sunday, February 14, 2010
I Love Valentine's Day...
Today was a nice day. I love Valentine’s Day! I think it’s the perfect holiday to be reminded just how much God loves us. I was reminded how much I was love today too! He is such a good God, so loving and caring. He goes above and beyond all measures to continue to show just how much He loves us. Yes I think it’s a perfect holiday.
Today when I woke up the first thing I thought of was Danny. We have such an amazing story of love ourselves. I couldn’t believe it had been nine years from the day when we threw caution to the wind and ran off and eloped. I am so blessed to have him in my life! I know he feels the same way too! I think that what’s our love so special is we both can’t believe God brought us together. Neither one of us thinks we deserve the other, yet we know we are so blessed to have each other. I didn’t know how I would show him just how much he means to me, but he reminded me that I show him that every day with my love. So I got up and got ready for church. Ciara came in and both of her eyes are red and puffy and after looking for a minute I came to the conclusion that I think she has pink eye. She can’t go to church because it’s so contagious and I have to go because I have to teach today. So Danny volunteers to stay at home with her so I can go to church. I am married to the most considerate man!
I went to church and had a good time. There were five teachers to one student, but we are trying to get this new junior church up and running so there was no room for slacking. I think it went very well. It was neat to have more than one teacher and in a way it made me more accountable to them to make sure I was prepared. We were teaching about Esau and Jacob and that in the end love conquered the bad feelings between the two brothers. I think the lesson went very well with the holiday today.
I didn’t stay very long after church because I was anxious to get home to Danny. So when I got home I had a surprise waiting on me. Ciara had made Danny and I an anniversary cake. I was happy to be home with my loving family. Ciara decided she wanted to make a dinner for Danny and I so the both of us went to cuddle on the couch while she started working in the kitchen. Danny decided he wanted to take a nap and so I went and got me a nice, long hot bath. I love my bath time. It’s so relaxing! I ended up staying in there for almost two hours. But I enjoyed my time even if I did come out looking like a prune.
Dinner was done when I got out and Ciara had set the table up so nice and had champagne waiting on me. There were candles lit everywhere and pictures of Danny and I up. She did a great job and the thought of it now about makes me choke up. I have such an amazing daughter; she’s always thinking of ways to show her love to others. I think she really out did herself this year. What she did meant so much to the both of us.
Now to tomorrow; Ciara will have to miss school because of her pink eye and luckily I don’t have to work tomorrow so I can take her to the doctor. I also have to take Danny to the doctor tomorrow for another procedure on his neck. I also need to get things ready for the week since I will be working. This will be my first week working by myself so I’m a little excited and a little nervous. I pray that the Lord will continue to prosper me this week as He did last week. All in all it was a great day and I’m looking forward to a great tomorrow.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Today when I woke up the first thing I thought of was Danny. We have such an amazing story of love ourselves. I couldn’t believe it had been nine years from the day when we threw caution to the wind and ran off and eloped. I am so blessed to have him in my life! I know he feels the same way too! I think that what’s our love so special is we both can’t believe God brought us together. Neither one of us thinks we deserve the other, yet we know we are so blessed to have each other. I didn’t know how I would show him just how much he means to me, but he reminded me that I show him that every day with my love. So I got up and got ready for church. Ciara came in and both of her eyes are red and puffy and after looking for a minute I came to the conclusion that I think she has pink eye. She can’t go to church because it’s so contagious and I have to go because I have to teach today. So Danny volunteers to stay at home with her so I can go to church. I am married to the most considerate man!
I went to church and had a good time. There were five teachers to one student, but we are trying to get this new junior church up and running so there was no room for slacking. I think it went very well. It was neat to have more than one teacher and in a way it made me more accountable to them to make sure I was prepared. We were teaching about Esau and Jacob and that in the end love conquered the bad feelings between the two brothers. I think the lesson went very well with the holiday today.
I didn’t stay very long after church because I was anxious to get home to Danny. So when I got home I had a surprise waiting on me. Ciara had made Danny and I an anniversary cake. I was happy to be home with my loving family. Ciara decided she wanted to make a dinner for Danny and I so the both of us went to cuddle on the couch while she started working in the kitchen. Danny decided he wanted to take a nap and so I went and got me a nice, long hot bath. I love my bath time. It’s so relaxing! I ended up staying in there for almost two hours. But I enjoyed my time even if I did come out looking like a prune.
Dinner was done when I got out and Ciara had set the table up so nice and had champagne waiting on me. There were candles lit everywhere and pictures of Danny and I up. She did a great job and the thought of it now about makes me choke up. I have such an amazing daughter; she’s always thinking of ways to show her love to others. I think she really out did herself this year. What she did meant so much to the both of us.
Now to tomorrow; Ciara will have to miss school because of her pink eye and luckily I don’t have to work tomorrow so I can take her to the doctor. I also have to take Danny to the doctor tomorrow for another procedure on his neck. I also need to get things ready for the week since I will be working. This will be my first week working by myself so I’m a little excited and a little nervous. I pray that the Lord will continue to prosper me this week as He did last week. All in all it was a great day and I’m looking forward to a great tomorrow.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Can Anybody Hear Me...
By: Meredith Andrews
I’m staring at these empty walls
Wondering when You’ll visit me again
When will You come?
If there is anything at all
Coming in between our love
Please show me, ‘cuz I am barely hanging on
Can anybody hear me?
The silence is deafening
Why do You feel so far away?
When I know You’re here with me
But I just need faith to see
Nothing can separate me from Your love
Believing what I can’t see
Has never come naturally to me
And I’ve got questions
But I am certain of a Love
Strong enough to hold me when I’m doubting
You’ll never let go of my hand
Can anybody hear me?
The silence is deafening
Why do You feel so far away?
When I know You’re here with me
But I just need faith to see
Nothing can separate me from Your love
I will trust in You, even in the moments
I can’t find you, and I will hold on to
Your promises of love
You’ve never failed before
I know You can hear me
When the silence is deafening
Even though You seem far away
And I know You’re here with me
But I just need faith to see
Nothing can separate me from Your love
This song speaks to my heart so much. In the depths of my depression this is where I was. This could very well be my theme song for 2009. I’m happy to say that now I can see the hand of God in my life as He is bringing me out on the other side. I pray that this song speaks to your heart the way it has mine…
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I’m staring at these empty walls
Wondering when You’ll visit me again
When will You come?
If there is anything at all
Coming in between our love
Please show me, ‘cuz I am barely hanging on
Can anybody hear me?
The silence is deafening
Why do You feel so far away?
When I know You’re here with me
But I just need faith to see
Nothing can separate me from Your love
Believing what I can’t see
Has never come naturally to me
And I’ve got questions
But I am certain of a Love
Strong enough to hold me when I’m doubting
You’ll never let go of my hand
Can anybody hear me?
The silence is deafening
Why do You feel so far away?
When I know You’re here with me
But I just need faith to see
Nothing can separate me from Your love
I will trust in You, even in the moments
I can’t find you, and I will hold on to
Your promises of love
You’ve never failed before
I know You can hear me
When the silence is deafening
Even though You seem far away
And I know You’re here with me
But I just need faith to see
Nothing can separate me from Your love
This song speaks to my heart so much. In the depths of my depression this is where I was. This could very well be my theme song for 2009. I’m happy to say that now I can see the hand of God in my life as He is bringing me out on the other side. I pray that this song speaks to your heart the way it has mine…
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Love Never Fails
By: Brandon Heath
Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most
Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside
Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you
Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time
Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don’t
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you
When my heart won’t make a sound
When I can’t turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this
Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life
Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you
I have really come to love this song! I can hear God speaking to me through it so strongly. There are so many times that I feel unworthy of love and unlovable, but this song reminds me that His love never fails. He is the One holding me and the One I will fly to. I hope this song speaks to your heart the way it has mine.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most
Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside
Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you
Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time
Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don’t
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you
When my heart won’t make a sound
When I can’t turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this
Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life
Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you
I have really come to love this song! I can hear God speaking to me through it so strongly. There are so many times that I feel unworthy of love and unlovable, but this song reminds me that His love never fails. He is the One holding me and the One I will fly to. I hope this song speaks to your heart the way it has mine.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Past Couple of Days....
I’ve been too tired to blog these last few days, so I haven’t. I feel like there’s so much to tell, but again I’m so tired that I’m going to try to keep it short. Going back to work has really drained me. I forgot how exhausting it can be; working and trying to keep the house up. Luckily I got help getting the house in order for the big day today. The house did get finished but almost too late, but it did get done. But not before we broke 2 vacuum cleaners, including our own.
Let’s see, I’ll start back on Thursday. I started cleaning the house on Thursday and got quite a bit accomplished. I cleaned the whole kitchen and some of the living room. If you could have seen the house you would understand why it took me that long just to get that much accomplished. It was so overwhelming, but it had to be done. After I cleaned the house, Danny and I went to go get Ciara from school and then it was off shopping. I had to get some clothes from the boutique I’m working in because you have to wear their clothes while you work. We spent right around $200.00 and it about killed me. I bought my most expensive part of jeans ever at $40.00. I just don’t spend that kind of money on clothes. Don’t get me wrong, I love shopping for clothes but I’m a clearance rack girl. That’s where we did the majority of our shopping while we were there, was on the clearance rack. That’s why I was able to get a pair of jeans so inexpensively (yes I said that word at $40.00). Their regular jeans run from $98.00 to $150.00! So I ended up getting a good deal on them.
Yesterday was a work day. I got there right around 10:00am and started cleaning, counting the drawer, and all the things it takes to run a shop. Farry thinks I’m doing a great job so that’s pretty exciting. Danny and Ciara don’t know what to think of her though. I did find out that she is Muslim which makes me sad. She speaks as though we serve the same God, but we know differently. She asked if I could stay until 4:00 and I just told Ciara she would have to go to extended care for awhile after school. As in ended up I stayed until 5:00 because we were coming up five cent over in the drawer. I counted and recounted and no matter how I did it we were five cent over. I did end up getting to sale almost $200.00 in clothes so the Lord really did prosper me that day, so please keep the prayers coming! So I ran and got Ciara and we had to run into town and get some vitamins for me and stuff for dinner today. Once I finally got home, 7:30, I started cleaning again. I left the bathroom, sweeping and mopping, and vacuuming for today though. I was so tired I ended up going to bed somewhere around 10:00 or so.
Today was a stressful and exciting day. Today is the day we got to finally meeting Brenna’s boyfriend, Gil and his son Ryan. But first the house had to be finished. I got the bathroom done and Danny said he would clean off the table while I swept and mopped the kitchen floor again. I also had to make cookie bars for Brenna and get dinner started. So Danny said to not worry about vacuuming because he would do it. He tried our vacuum first and after about ¼ of the living room it just died. It had been running really loudly and was putting off this burning smell. So he ran down to Ma’s house to borrow their vacuum. He got another ¼ done and their vacuum stopped working (and no my floor wasn’t that dirty!), and by this point I’m starting to stress because Brenna had called and said they were on their way. So Danny took back Ma’s vacuum and stopped at Steve’s house to borrow their vacuum. Well something is wrong with their vacuum because there is hardly any suction at all going on with it. So Danny was almost done with the living room when Gil and Brenna walk in. I was so embarrassed! I had hoped to be kicking back and relaxing by the time they got there, but no that wasn’t going to be the way of it. Gil and Brenna decided to take the kids, Ryan and Ciara, down to see the horses and look at the land so while they were down there Danny finished vacuuming and I finished dinner.
When they got back up here we all played a game and Farkle and had a good time. Gill is so very nice and I can honestly say this is the first boyfriend of hers that we actually like! Ryan is so well behaved and so well mannered that he’s a joy to be around. You can tell Gil has raised him very well. Gil is so respectful of Brenna and you can see they both really care about each other. He’s a great Christian which has Danny and I both very excited! We want to see our girls with good godly men, it’s just so important to us. We watched “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” and it was really cute. They didn’t stay that long after dinner but we still had a very nice visit.
Now I’m sitting in my recliner relaxing. I want another cigarette, but I only have two to get me through until after church tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow it will be Danny and I’s ninth wedding anniversary. We eloped on February 14, 2001 after a crazy night (that’s when Steve’s house burnt to the ground and we decided life is too short so let’s go get married lol). I have to teach tomorrow in Sunday school and it will be my first time to do the teaching in our now junior church. I’m a little nervous to be teaching with so many other people but I am praying that God makes it’s a nice experience. I’m going to get off here and hit the hay. I am so sleepy and I know tomorrow will probably be busy too. Hopefully I can get my stamina back up so I can start doing more and not feeling so drained. Here’s hoping….
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Let’s see, I’ll start back on Thursday. I started cleaning the house on Thursday and got quite a bit accomplished. I cleaned the whole kitchen and some of the living room. If you could have seen the house you would understand why it took me that long just to get that much accomplished. It was so overwhelming, but it had to be done. After I cleaned the house, Danny and I went to go get Ciara from school and then it was off shopping. I had to get some clothes from the boutique I’m working in because you have to wear their clothes while you work. We spent right around $200.00 and it about killed me. I bought my most expensive part of jeans ever at $40.00. I just don’t spend that kind of money on clothes. Don’t get me wrong, I love shopping for clothes but I’m a clearance rack girl. That’s where we did the majority of our shopping while we were there, was on the clearance rack. That’s why I was able to get a pair of jeans so inexpensively (yes I said that word at $40.00). Their regular jeans run from $98.00 to $150.00! So I ended up getting a good deal on them.
Yesterday was a work day. I got there right around 10:00am and started cleaning, counting the drawer, and all the things it takes to run a shop. Farry thinks I’m doing a great job so that’s pretty exciting. Danny and Ciara don’t know what to think of her though. I did find out that she is Muslim which makes me sad. She speaks as though we serve the same God, but we know differently. She asked if I could stay until 4:00 and I just told Ciara she would have to go to extended care for awhile after school. As in ended up I stayed until 5:00 because we were coming up five cent over in the drawer. I counted and recounted and no matter how I did it we were five cent over. I did end up getting to sale almost $200.00 in clothes so the Lord really did prosper me that day, so please keep the prayers coming! So I ran and got Ciara and we had to run into town and get some vitamins for me and stuff for dinner today. Once I finally got home, 7:30, I started cleaning again. I left the bathroom, sweeping and mopping, and vacuuming for today though. I was so tired I ended up going to bed somewhere around 10:00 or so.
Today was a stressful and exciting day. Today is the day we got to finally meeting Brenna’s boyfriend, Gil and his son Ryan. But first the house had to be finished. I got the bathroom done and Danny said he would clean off the table while I swept and mopped the kitchen floor again. I also had to make cookie bars for Brenna and get dinner started. So Danny said to not worry about vacuuming because he would do it. He tried our vacuum first and after about ¼ of the living room it just died. It had been running really loudly and was putting off this burning smell. So he ran down to Ma’s house to borrow their vacuum. He got another ¼ done and their vacuum stopped working (and no my floor wasn’t that dirty!), and by this point I’m starting to stress because Brenna had called and said they were on their way. So Danny took back Ma’s vacuum and stopped at Steve’s house to borrow their vacuum. Well something is wrong with their vacuum because there is hardly any suction at all going on with it. So Danny was almost done with the living room when Gil and Brenna walk in. I was so embarrassed! I had hoped to be kicking back and relaxing by the time they got there, but no that wasn’t going to be the way of it. Gil and Brenna decided to take the kids, Ryan and Ciara, down to see the horses and look at the land so while they were down there Danny finished vacuuming and I finished dinner.
When they got back up here we all played a game and Farkle and had a good time. Gill is so very nice and I can honestly say this is the first boyfriend of hers that we actually like! Ryan is so well behaved and so well mannered that he’s a joy to be around. You can tell Gil has raised him very well. Gil is so respectful of Brenna and you can see they both really care about each other. He’s a great Christian which has Danny and I both very excited! We want to see our girls with good godly men, it’s just so important to us. We watched “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” and it was really cute. They didn’t stay that long after dinner but we still had a very nice visit.
Now I’m sitting in my recliner relaxing. I want another cigarette, but I only have two to get me through until after church tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow it will be Danny and I’s ninth wedding anniversary. We eloped on February 14, 2001 after a crazy night (that’s when Steve’s house burnt to the ground and we decided life is too short so let’s go get married lol). I have to teach tomorrow in Sunday school and it will be my first time to do the teaching in our now junior church. I’m a little nervous to be teaching with so many other people but I am praying that God makes it’s a nice experience. I’m going to get off here and hit the hay. I am so sleepy and I know tomorrow will probably be busy too. Hopefully I can get my stamina back up so I can start doing more and not feeling so drained. Here’s hoping….
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Soon to Be Non-House Wife and Mom...
I woke up this morning (really afternoon) to a warm husband in my bed. I can’t tell you how good it felt to have him next to me! He was sleeping well and I could hear him breathing next to me and it was so relaxing. I didn’t sleep well last night (what’s new) because he was gone and my shoulder was really hurting me. As soon as he walked in the morning (I can always hear him come in) I was out like a light. I slept so hard and good and it was wonderful. I know the main reason for my sleeping problems is the fact that he’s not next to me. I do some what ok with the dogs next to me, but we all know it’s just not the same.
When I finally got up I was determined to get the house in order. I’m taking a break from it right now, but I think I’ve gotten quite a bit accomplished. The kitchen is almost done, I’ve windexed the doors, and wiped down all the cabinets and walls. It hurt my shoulder to do it, but it has to be done. Brenna and Gil are coming over on Saturday and the house has to be spotless. Ciara said she would help me with it and I’m going to let her. It’s so overwhelming because I’ve let it go for so long now. I don’t think it will take an incredibly long time to get it finished (maybe another three hours or so) but my energy is lacking.
Today I get to pick Ciara up (finally!) and I’m so excited. I miss her so much when she’s gone with my ex-husband. I miss doing the “mommy stuff” with her like cuddling and just being a mom. I feel like a part of me is missing with her gone, and actually there is a huge part of me missing. Our children are such a blessing in our lives and I feel so amazingly privileged to be called their mom. I can’t believe God picked me to raise them and bring them up in His ways. I think that is the biggest responsibility that a parent has.
Today we will go to church for a church planning meeting. We will go over last year’s budget and plan what we will be doing for this next year and deciding in what direction we want the church to go. I think this is an important part of the church so we can see what we’ve done and pray about what God wants us to do. So for a change I won’t be watching the kids tonight. I will miss playing games with them, but I have to be a part of this meeting tonight.
I don’t know what I’m going to fix for dinner yet. I haven’t planned ahead like I should, but what’s new. I think I will let Ciara decide what we’re having for dinner and I may just let her cook tonight. She’s got to take care of the bunnies, do her homework, and we will probably need her help feeding the horses because we have to go get feed today. The horses have been without hay for almost a week now and that is bad for their digestive system. Money is tight so we won’t be able to get much, but we will be able to get through to the next payday which is on Thursday. Danny is starting to realize what dire straights we are in. I think he’s beginning to panic as I am. He can see it is depressing me and I think he’s finally able to feel the same burden that I’m feeling.
I wanted to get blogging done early today so I could carry on with what needs to be done. I need to go to pt this week, but I don’t know if I can find time in my schedule. I am missing seeing Anita and things are really starting to build up. It just goes to show that I’m not ready to be done with counseling yet. I can’t see her for another week, if I can even get in then. I hope I don’t have to go too much longer without seeing her because I have so much to tell her. Well I guess I better get back to cleaning. I only have thirty minutes until I have to leave to go get Ciara and I have to find time to get a shower before church. Needless to say I am pressed for time. So much to do and the minutes seem to fly by. Just another day in the life of a soon to be non-house wife and mom.
When I finally got up I was determined to get the house in order. I’m taking a break from it right now, but I think I’ve gotten quite a bit accomplished. The kitchen is almost done, I’ve windexed the doors, and wiped down all the cabinets and walls. It hurt my shoulder to do it, but it has to be done. Brenna and Gil are coming over on Saturday and the house has to be spotless. Ciara said she would help me with it and I’m going to let her. It’s so overwhelming because I’ve let it go for so long now. I don’t think it will take an incredibly long time to get it finished (maybe another three hours or so) but my energy is lacking.
Today I get to pick Ciara up (finally!) and I’m so excited. I miss her so much when she’s gone with my ex-husband. I miss doing the “mommy stuff” with her like cuddling and just being a mom. I feel like a part of me is missing with her gone, and actually there is a huge part of me missing. Our children are such a blessing in our lives and I feel so amazingly privileged to be called their mom. I can’t believe God picked me to raise them and bring them up in His ways. I think that is the biggest responsibility that a parent has.
Today we will go to church for a church planning meeting. We will go over last year’s budget and plan what we will be doing for this next year and deciding in what direction we want the church to go. I think this is an important part of the church so we can see what we’ve done and pray about what God wants us to do. So for a change I won’t be watching the kids tonight. I will miss playing games with them, but I have to be a part of this meeting tonight.
I don’t know what I’m going to fix for dinner yet. I haven’t planned ahead like I should, but what’s new. I think I will let Ciara decide what we’re having for dinner and I may just let her cook tonight. She’s got to take care of the bunnies, do her homework, and we will probably need her help feeding the horses because we have to go get feed today. The horses have been without hay for almost a week now and that is bad for their digestive system. Money is tight so we won’t be able to get much, but we will be able to get through to the next payday which is on Thursday. Danny is starting to realize what dire straights we are in. I think he’s beginning to panic as I am. He can see it is depressing me and I think he’s finally able to feel the same burden that I’m feeling.
I wanted to get blogging done early today so I could carry on with what needs to be done. I need to go to pt this week, but I don’t know if I can find time in my schedule. I am missing seeing Anita and things are really starting to build up. It just goes to show that I’m not ready to be done with counseling yet. I can’t see her for another week, if I can even get in then. I hope I don’t have to go too much longer without seeing her because I have so much to tell her. Well I guess I better get back to cleaning. I only have thirty minutes until I have to leave to go get Ciara and I have to find time to get a shower before church. Needless to say I am pressed for time. So much to do and the minutes seem to fly by. Just another day in the life of a soon to be non-house wife and mom.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I Got the Job...
It feels like it’s been an amazingly long day and I am so beat! I definitely have the job as I went today for training and ended up staying to work. My boss’s name is Farry and she seems to be very nice, but I am undetermined if she is a Christian yet. She comes from Bangladesh and got here ten years ago. She speaks English very well and can be clearly understood. She seems to have a worldly way about her, nothing screams out, “I’m saved, I’m a follower of Christ” as I wish it would. I was truly hoping to find a job where I would be surrounded by Christians, but maybe God is giving me an opportunity to be a light in this oh so dark world.
I got up early this morning to get ready for my first day of training. I had no idea that I would end up working the whole day so I didn’t wear the right kind of shoes (ouch!). Danny was still up and that sweet husband of mine fixed me coffee and got it ready to go for me. I can already tell that I’m going to miss him like crazy even though he’s asleep during the day, I still know he’s in the next room. I can tell you the stress of having a job and the nerves that go with a new one has already hit me. When we were standing in the kitchen the dogs were running around barking like crazy and I just went off! I started screaming for them to shut up and it just caught Danny off guard. The dogs stopped and looked at me because I’ve never yelled at them like that before but it was almost like I was having a mini-panic attack.
I headed into work (ok that sounds weird to me lol) and I kept wondering if this is really what God wanted for me (and I’m still not 100% sure). I prayed that He would show me the path He wanted me to take and whatever it may be I would follow it. That takes a lot of faith for me to say that right now! I’m already missing being at home and it isn’t even my first full day of work! I know part of it is the depression so I’m hoping this clears soon. In any case, I got there early and beat Farry there which is what I was hoping for. Nothing says “I’m a bad employee” like being late on your very first day. She seemed very excited to see me and wanted to get started right away.
The run of the store is very basic. The one thing is, is that there is only one person there running the store while it’s open. For wanting interaction, this doesn’t give me very much. I have to count the drawer when I get there and make sure we have the right start up amount, then it’s off to cleaning the store. She likes an immaculate store and it is very neat and tidy and part of the job is keeping it that way all of the time. She gives you this long list of things to be done every day, so you can never complain about being bored. We do inventory every day! She wants to be on top of loss prevention and she says the best way to do that is to know at all times what you have in your store and what you don’t. I also think it keeps the employees very honest!
While I was cleaning the store, she left for awhile to go get her nails done. She said she would be right back and an hour later I was wondering if she was coming back lol. I wanted to get as much accomplished as I could while she was gone so when she came back she wouldn’t think she had hired someone lazy. I think I accomplished my goal because the first thing she asked when she came back is if I could handle the store for a few hours when she had to leave in the afternoon. I asked her if I was officially hired and she came back with a resounding yes! I can’t tell you if I was relieved or not because I was so nervous about running the store by myself after only working three hours. I still feel uneasy at the thought of running a store all by myself. Call it a lack of self confidence if you will, but my knees were knocking lol. She’s already talking about moving me up to lead sales in the next few months if I can show I can sale the clothes as good as I keep the store! It’s all moving so fast that it blows my mind.
That’s the other area I’m nervous about is being able to sale the clothes. You would think it would be easy, but working in a store where the clothes are so expensive and being part commission, makes the stakes higher. Don’t get me wrong, I want to sale, but I’m not a pushy person by nature. She doesn’t come off pushy, but man she knows how to sale those clothes! She seems to have a natural ability to do so, to where I see myself as lacking in that particular area. So please be in prayer that the Lord blesses me in this job and makes me productive in being able to sale the clothes. When she finally left I ran the store without any problems, saw a few customers, but didn’t sale anything. I was fine with the fact that I didn’t have a melt down by myself. I think it was a big accomplishment for me. She wants me back for one more day of training on Friday before I start working my regular hours that following Monday. So I think this will work out very well.
When I got done with that I had a surprise text message waiting on me. Ciara made her first A on a science test!!! I was so excited because her grades have been so bad in there. I made her study extra hard on this test and it paid off!! I think she was as excited as I was lol. I ran back home really quick to grab some checks to deposit in the band and then headed into MidWest City where we do our banking. I ended up driving close to 100 miles today in all the driving I had to do! I pray the other days aren’t this wide spread in locations I have to go, because otherwise all the money I’m earning will just go to put gas in my car.
When I got done with my running in town I headed back out to the country to go the women’s Bible study. We went over Sunday’s message again and it was really good. I just enjoy being with the women and getting a chance to unwind and enjoy a cup of tea with them. Speaking of tea, it makes me think of coffee. Much to my sadness my coffee dates with Tara are coming to an end. We only got a few in but the ones we had were always so much fun! I will miss them so much! Also money is running so tight right now we don’t have enough to buy our chocolate coffee and I want some so badly! So maybe that’s why I’ve been depressed is because we’re out of chocolate coffee lol. I’m having withdraws!
I hurried back home after Bible study so I could see Danny before he left for work. I made it just in the nick of time because he was walking out to the truck to leave when I pulled in the driveway. I will continue to declare how lonely these nights are without him, because the house just isn’t the same when I’m all by myself. I had thought about cleaning when I got home, but I have a horrible headache and I think I’m just ready for bed. Ciara told me today, when I talked with her, that she would help me clean the house for this upcoming Saturday when we finally meet Gil, Brenna’s boyfriend. I will go ahead and get started on it tomorrow and on Thursday but I think I will take Ciara up on her offer to help out. Well once again I feel like I’ve been rambling on for hours now, but I feel better since I got all this off my chest. We’ll see what the remainder of this week has to bring and please continue to pray for God’s clear guidance in my life.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I got up early this morning to get ready for my first day of training. I had no idea that I would end up working the whole day so I didn’t wear the right kind of shoes (ouch!). Danny was still up and that sweet husband of mine fixed me coffee and got it ready to go for me. I can already tell that I’m going to miss him like crazy even though he’s asleep during the day, I still know he’s in the next room. I can tell you the stress of having a job and the nerves that go with a new one has already hit me. When we were standing in the kitchen the dogs were running around barking like crazy and I just went off! I started screaming for them to shut up and it just caught Danny off guard. The dogs stopped and looked at me because I’ve never yelled at them like that before but it was almost like I was having a mini-panic attack.
I headed into work (ok that sounds weird to me lol) and I kept wondering if this is really what God wanted for me (and I’m still not 100% sure). I prayed that He would show me the path He wanted me to take and whatever it may be I would follow it. That takes a lot of faith for me to say that right now! I’m already missing being at home and it isn’t even my first full day of work! I know part of it is the depression so I’m hoping this clears soon. In any case, I got there early and beat Farry there which is what I was hoping for. Nothing says “I’m a bad employee” like being late on your very first day. She seemed very excited to see me and wanted to get started right away.
The run of the store is very basic. The one thing is, is that there is only one person there running the store while it’s open. For wanting interaction, this doesn’t give me very much. I have to count the drawer when I get there and make sure we have the right start up amount, then it’s off to cleaning the store. She likes an immaculate store and it is very neat and tidy and part of the job is keeping it that way all of the time. She gives you this long list of things to be done every day, so you can never complain about being bored. We do inventory every day! She wants to be on top of loss prevention and she says the best way to do that is to know at all times what you have in your store and what you don’t. I also think it keeps the employees very honest!
While I was cleaning the store, she left for awhile to go get her nails done. She said she would be right back and an hour later I was wondering if she was coming back lol. I wanted to get as much accomplished as I could while she was gone so when she came back she wouldn’t think she had hired someone lazy. I think I accomplished my goal because the first thing she asked when she came back is if I could handle the store for a few hours when she had to leave in the afternoon. I asked her if I was officially hired and she came back with a resounding yes! I can’t tell you if I was relieved or not because I was so nervous about running the store by myself after only working three hours. I still feel uneasy at the thought of running a store all by myself. Call it a lack of self confidence if you will, but my knees were knocking lol. She’s already talking about moving me up to lead sales in the next few months if I can show I can sale the clothes as good as I keep the store! It’s all moving so fast that it blows my mind.
That’s the other area I’m nervous about is being able to sale the clothes. You would think it would be easy, but working in a store where the clothes are so expensive and being part commission, makes the stakes higher. Don’t get me wrong, I want to sale, but I’m not a pushy person by nature. She doesn’t come off pushy, but man she knows how to sale those clothes! She seems to have a natural ability to do so, to where I see myself as lacking in that particular area. So please be in prayer that the Lord blesses me in this job and makes me productive in being able to sale the clothes. When she finally left I ran the store without any problems, saw a few customers, but didn’t sale anything. I was fine with the fact that I didn’t have a melt down by myself. I think it was a big accomplishment for me. She wants me back for one more day of training on Friday before I start working my regular hours that following Monday. So I think this will work out very well.
When I got done with that I had a surprise text message waiting on me. Ciara made her first A on a science test!!! I was so excited because her grades have been so bad in there. I made her study extra hard on this test and it paid off!! I think she was as excited as I was lol. I ran back home really quick to grab some checks to deposit in the band and then headed into MidWest City where we do our banking. I ended up driving close to 100 miles today in all the driving I had to do! I pray the other days aren’t this wide spread in locations I have to go, because otherwise all the money I’m earning will just go to put gas in my car.
When I got done with my running in town I headed back out to the country to go the women’s Bible study. We went over Sunday’s message again and it was really good. I just enjoy being with the women and getting a chance to unwind and enjoy a cup of tea with them. Speaking of tea, it makes me think of coffee. Much to my sadness my coffee dates with Tara are coming to an end. We only got a few in but the ones we had were always so much fun! I will miss them so much! Also money is running so tight right now we don’t have enough to buy our chocolate coffee and I want some so badly! So maybe that’s why I’ve been depressed is because we’re out of chocolate coffee lol. I’m having withdraws!
I hurried back home after Bible study so I could see Danny before he left for work. I made it just in the nick of time because he was walking out to the truck to leave when I pulled in the driveway. I will continue to declare how lonely these nights are without him, because the house just isn’t the same when I’m all by myself. I had thought about cleaning when I got home, but I have a horrible headache and I think I’m just ready for bed. Ciara told me today, when I talked with her, that she would help me clean the house for this upcoming Saturday when we finally meet Gil, Brenna’s boyfriend. I will go ahead and get started on it tomorrow and on Thursday but I think I will take Ciara up on her offer to help out. Well once again I feel like I’ve been rambling on for hours now, but I feel better since I got all this off my chest. We’ll see what the remainder of this week has to bring and please continue to pray for God’s clear guidance in my life.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Monday, February 8, 2010
Job Interview...
Well I went for my job interview today and I think it went very well. They want me to come back in the morning to start training so I don’t see how it could’ve gone any better. The one problem that seems to be making itself known is money yet again. They are offering me $7.25 per hour plus commission, but (always that but) you have to wear their clothes. They give you 3 weeks to get your outfits together, but we don’t have the money for me to be shopping. I talked to Danny about it tonight and left the decision up to him. I told him how expensive their clothes are and he cringed like I did. However, we both can’t see how I don’t take the job because we need it so bad.
We haven’t decided yet if I’m going to buy the clothes outright or if we are going to put it on a credit card. They prefer for you to pay cash for your clothes, but last time I checked I didn’t have money lying around. I don’t mean to sound so sarcastic, but it is what it is. So I guess I’m getting up in the morning to go to training. I wish I was more excited about this, but I’m still nervous if I’m doing the will of God. The best thing I can do now is follow the lead of my husband and listen to his counsel. I just pray if this isn’t the job He wants for me He lets me know and know soon. God surely hasn’t opened any other doors, so I’m walking through the only one that is open.
When I got through with the interview I went to pt. It’s going well, but I’m not sure if I will be able to continue because of the job. The pt office takes their last patient at 3:30 and that’s the same time I have to pick up Ciara. I hope it doesn’t slow down my healing process, but I really don’t see another answer right now. I must say I am enjoying the pt time. The massages on the shoulder feel so good! The other things they do there can’t be copied at home so I really would be missing out.
I came home and fed the horses and boy was it cold out there. I came in and got on the computer for just a little bit then I went in and snuggled with Danny for just a little bit. Other than that I did a whole bunch of nothing today. I should have cleaned the house, but again, I wasn’t feeling up to it. I really didn’t want to get on here and type tonight, but I’m trying to keep myself from sinking into a deeper depression still. I want to be excited about life again, loving what I’m doing. I’m tired of hurting and long to feel good again. I know the days can’t be far away, but it’s what I want right now.
I’m going to jump off of here and go get my outfit picked out for tomorrow. I’m going to try and get a good night’s sleep so I will be wide eyed in the morning. Please continue to pray for me because I really covet your prayers. I’m blessed to have you all in my life and I appreciate you all so very much!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
We haven’t decided yet if I’m going to buy the clothes outright or if we are going to put it on a credit card. They prefer for you to pay cash for your clothes, but last time I checked I didn’t have money lying around. I don’t mean to sound so sarcastic, but it is what it is. So I guess I’m getting up in the morning to go to training. I wish I was more excited about this, but I’m still nervous if I’m doing the will of God. The best thing I can do now is follow the lead of my husband and listen to his counsel. I just pray if this isn’t the job He wants for me He lets me know and know soon. God surely hasn’t opened any other doors, so I’m walking through the only one that is open.
When I got through with the interview I went to pt. It’s going well, but I’m not sure if I will be able to continue because of the job. The pt office takes their last patient at 3:30 and that’s the same time I have to pick up Ciara. I hope it doesn’t slow down my healing process, but I really don’t see another answer right now. I must say I am enjoying the pt time. The massages on the shoulder feel so good! The other things they do there can’t be copied at home so I really would be missing out.
I came home and fed the horses and boy was it cold out there. I came in and got on the computer for just a little bit then I went in and snuggled with Danny for just a little bit. Other than that I did a whole bunch of nothing today. I should have cleaned the house, but again, I wasn’t feeling up to it. I really didn’t want to get on here and type tonight, but I’m trying to keep myself from sinking into a deeper depression still. I want to be excited about life again, loving what I’m doing. I’m tired of hurting and long to feel good again. I know the days can’t be far away, but it’s what I want right now.
I’m going to jump off of here and go get my outfit picked out for tomorrow. I’m going to try and get a good night’s sleep so I will be wide eyed in the morning. Please continue to pray for me because I really covet your prayers. I’m blessed to have you all in my life and I appreciate you all so very much!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Sigh...
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Well that’s not entirely true, I’m a wee bit depressed. I just can’t seem to shake this and I really want to. I was really desiring to go back to work and now with this job interview tomorrow all I want to do is sleep. Today has been an incredibly lazy day and it’s all my fault. I did manage to get myself up and go to church, but it was totally out of guilt. I always feel guilty when I miss church because I feel like I’m putting my wants before God, and frankly I am. I don’t think you should go to church to alleviate guilt, however I didn’t feel guilty because I went, but because I really didn’t want to go.
I got to church and as usual it was great to see everyone. Don gave a great sermon today and it really was eye opening. He taught on how tithing isn’t just a 10% tax you give to God. It is something much deeper than that. When you feel like you’re being taxed by God you end up getting resentful and God wants you to give with a heart of worship and thanksgiving. Abraham gave a 10% of his spoils, meaning he gave the best, and he gave it because he knew God had given him a great victory over the 4 kings. What I really got out of it was God wants your all, not just 10% of what you earn. In all truth everything you have is God’s and if you aren’t giving with a joyful heart then you shouldn’t be giving at all.
When church let out I found out how the preliminary findings went in her divorce. It was only the temporary order, but what happened was astounding. The courts gave her husband the kids, the house, everything. In looking at what they gave him, I can’t say I blame the courts. It went just the way I thought it would. My friend thinks she’s entitled to everything and that’s just not the way the courts work. She hasn’t been sending the kids to school because of her depression and they have over a week of missed school. That’s just bad parenting. You don’t not send your kids to school because you over slept because of your depression. I can say this because I have been so depressed I didn’t want to get out of bed but Ciara has to go to school. It’s not an option to not send her! I also found out she’s been talking about me behind my back and not in a good way at all. One of the lady’s there said she’s no friend of yours, trust me. That really hurt, because I thought we had really been there for one another. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by the way she talks about other people behind their backs, but I was hoping for something more out of our friendship.
I came home and immediately laid down and took a nap with Danny. By the time I got home it was in the middle of his night so he was sleeping soundly. I really didn’t sleep that good, but as far as I was concerned there was nothing better to do. So I laid there and not really sleeping not really awake either. It’s that in between stage when you are sort of aware of what’s going on around you, but also in a peaceful state of oblivion. My shoulder was really hurting me so I think it kept me from really falling asleep. But it was nice to be able to cuddle with Danny for a few hours and just rest in his arms. I do miss him so much when he’s gone on these nights. But we both need jobs and this is his so I really have no room to complain.
I got up finally knowing that I needed to feed the animals. I really didn’t want to do it today. Normally I don’t mind too much, but today it’s wet, drizzling, and cold out there. It’s a muddy mess out there. So I put on my boots and went to feed the rabbits first. I really looked around in the hutch today for the babies and there is no sign of them. I was wondering if maybe she had moved them, but there are no fresh holes out in the yard and they aren’t in the hutch. So there is another litter of babies gone. Then I went down and fed the horses. It was pretty uneventful. Carmel was being a jerk and so was Captain. Captain tried biting me twice before I was able to slap him pretty hard. He just tossed his head and laid his ears back. He was pretty upset, but so was I! Try to bite me and that’s what you get!
Now Danny is up and has on the Super Bowl. I guess I’m going to get off here and spend some time with him. I need to make him some coffee and decide what we’re having for dinner. I also need to decide what outfit would look best for my interview in the morning. I figure I will go in early to drop off the other applications before I head to the interview. Sigh…I wish I felt better! I wish I could shake this off, but I know I have to be patient with the medication. *Big sigh…this isn’t getting anything done and I feel like I’ve rambled on about nothing. Bless you all and know you are in my prayers.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I got to church and as usual it was great to see everyone. Don gave a great sermon today and it really was eye opening. He taught on how tithing isn’t just a 10% tax you give to God. It is something much deeper than that. When you feel like you’re being taxed by God you end up getting resentful and God wants you to give with a heart of worship and thanksgiving. Abraham gave a 10% of his spoils, meaning he gave the best, and he gave it because he knew God had given him a great victory over the 4 kings. What I really got out of it was God wants your all, not just 10% of what you earn. In all truth everything you have is God’s and if you aren’t giving with a joyful heart then you shouldn’t be giving at all.
When church let out I found out how the preliminary findings went in her divorce. It was only the temporary order, but what happened was astounding. The courts gave her husband the kids, the house, everything. In looking at what they gave him, I can’t say I blame the courts. It went just the way I thought it would. My friend thinks she’s entitled to everything and that’s just not the way the courts work. She hasn’t been sending the kids to school because of her depression and they have over a week of missed school. That’s just bad parenting. You don’t not send your kids to school because you over slept because of your depression. I can say this because I have been so depressed I didn’t want to get out of bed but Ciara has to go to school. It’s not an option to not send her! I also found out she’s been talking about me behind my back and not in a good way at all. One of the lady’s there said she’s no friend of yours, trust me. That really hurt, because I thought we had really been there for one another. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by the way she talks about other people behind their backs, but I was hoping for something more out of our friendship.
I came home and immediately laid down and took a nap with Danny. By the time I got home it was in the middle of his night so he was sleeping soundly. I really didn’t sleep that good, but as far as I was concerned there was nothing better to do. So I laid there and not really sleeping not really awake either. It’s that in between stage when you are sort of aware of what’s going on around you, but also in a peaceful state of oblivion. My shoulder was really hurting me so I think it kept me from really falling asleep. But it was nice to be able to cuddle with Danny for a few hours and just rest in his arms. I do miss him so much when he’s gone on these nights. But we both need jobs and this is his so I really have no room to complain.
I got up finally knowing that I needed to feed the animals. I really didn’t want to do it today. Normally I don’t mind too much, but today it’s wet, drizzling, and cold out there. It’s a muddy mess out there. So I put on my boots and went to feed the rabbits first. I really looked around in the hutch today for the babies and there is no sign of them. I was wondering if maybe she had moved them, but there are no fresh holes out in the yard and they aren’t in the hutch. So there is another litter of babies gone. Then I went down and fed the horses. It was pretty uneventful. Carmel was being a jerk and so was Captain. Captain tried biting me twice before I was able to slap him pretty hard. He just tossed his head and laid his ears back. He was pretty upset, but so was I! Try to bite me and that’s what you get!
Now Danny is up and has on the Super Bowl. I guess I’m going to get off here and spend some time with him. I need to make him some coffee and decide what we’re having for dinner. I also need to decide what outfit would look best for my interview in the morning. I figure I will go in early to drop off the other applications before I head to the interview. Sigh…I wish I felt better! I wish I could shake this off, but I know I have to be patient with the medication. *Big sigh…this isn’t getting anything done and I feel like I’ve rambled on about nothing. Bless you all and know you are in my prayers.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Saturday, February 6, 2010
No Regrets
"I Don't Regret"
by: Barlow Girl
They're telling me they're concerned for the way I am living
That I'll miss it all why would I think that God is that trusting
I can't explain all the words He has spoken to my heart
Why'd I want him more
I don't regret choosing you
And I'm not ashamed
That it's You who holds my heart
Why do we think if we trust God too much will fail us
Nothing has come when I chose its that in me I'd trust
Separate me You have called out to follow You blindly
I won't fear You're leading me
I don't regret choosing You
And I'm not ashamed
That it's You who holds my heart
You have shown my ever wondering heart what love is
What on earth is more important than to have all of you
I don't regret choosing you
And I'm not ashamed
That it's You who holds my heart
Out of all the things I've done in my life the best thing by far is choosing Christ as my Savior. There are many regrets that I have but never has that been one of them! I am humbled beyond measure to have Him as the Christ in my life. I don't miss what the world has to offer because it's so temporary. The struggles I have faced as a Christian don't compare to the eternal glory that I will share with my Messiah. I have lost my life, but gained it through Him. I count all that I have lost worth it to be known by Him. I can't even say I have lost anything when I compare it to what I have gained. To know that my eternity is secure gives me great peace. To know that my forever will be spent with Him overwhelms me! He is all I need and all I want. Yes, He holds my heart in the palm of His hands, and there it is safe from all things! I'm not ashamed to bear His name! I count it great joy! Yes this is my theme...to be known by Him and to be His beloved! I am His child and in that I take comfort. Why would I ask for more, how could I want any less? He is mine and I am His. This will be my life's story...
Melissa Fitzwilliam
by: Barlow Girl
They're telling me they're concerned for the way I am living
That I'll miss it all why would I think that God is that trusting
I can't explain all the words He has spoken to my heart
Why'd I want him more
I don't regret choosing you
And I'm not ashamed
That it's You who holds my heart
Why do we think if we trust God too much will fail us
Nothing has come when I chose its that in me I'd trust
Separate me You have called out to follow You blindly
I won't fear You're leading me
I don't regret choosing You
And I'm not ashamed
That it's You who holds my heart
You have shown my ever wondering heart what love is
What on earth is more important than to have all of you
I don't regret choosing you
And I'm not ashamed
That it's You who holds my heart
Out of all the things I've done in my life the best thing by far is choosing Christ as my Savior. There are many regrets that I have but never has that been one of them! I am humbled beyond measure to have Him as the Christ in my life. I don't miss what the world has to offer because it's so temporary. The struggles I have faced as a Christian don't compare to the eternal glory that I will share with my Messiah. I have lost my life, but gained it through Him. I count all that I have lost worth it to be known by Him. I can't even say I have lost anything when I compare it to what I have gained. To know that my eternity is secure gives me great peace. To know that my forever will be spent with Him overwhelms me! He is all I need and all I want. Yes, He holds my heart in the palm of His hands, and there it is safe from all things! I'm not ashamed to bear His name! I count it great joy! Yes this is my theme...to be known by Him and to be His beloved! I am His child and in that I take comfort. Why would I ask for more, how could I want any less? He is mine and I am His. This will be my life's story...
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I Have to Get Started...
Yesterday was a fun day. It started out early and ended late. I had to go to PT in the morning, but I had enough time to swing by Panera first. I love going to see my friends up there and as far as I’m concerned I don’t get to see them enough. Mac, Dave, and Garry were all there and we had some great conversations! I love Mac so much. He would’ve been a great dad to have, if I would’ve gotten to choose. (Although Gary S. is still my favorite dad!) I miss him so much when I don’t get to see him (Mac) and I have this fear that if anything were to happen to him I wouldn’t know until it was too late. Maybe it’s a silly fear, but it is there none the less. I told them about my potential job in Shawnee and they were sad to hear that my times there would be fewer than what they are now. But I figure God has a plan for this and I am willing follow where He takes me.
After I left there I headed up to PT. It’s such a far drive for me, but of course where ever I go it’s a far drive living so far out in the country. My neck and back were hurting me particularly bad yesterday and I could also feel the pain in my shoulder shooting up my neck and down into my back. When Norman (PT guy) asked me how I was I told him what was going on and he said he would see what he could do to fix it. He ended up massaging my shoulder, my neck, and my back and it felt so good! I don’t know that many guys that are that good (and last that long) at giving massages. However, by the end of the day it was really flared up again and giving me a horrible headache. We did the ice and heat as is normal and when I left there my headache that I had woken up with was virtually gone! I could use him again this morning as my shoulder, back, and neck are hurting again. I’m not doing anything with it during the day so the only thing I can think of is it must be getting flared up while I’m sleeping at night. Just a theory but it sounds like a good one to me.
When I left there I went tanning per usual. I love getting in the tanning bed and being able to relax almost to the point of sleep. It’s so warm in there and I think it gives me the light that I miss from the sun when it’s not out. When I don’t see the sun for days I can feel this…bumness (another Melissaism) come on me. However, when I leave the tanning salon I always feel better. If the drive wasn’t so far I would think it would do me good to go everyday that the sun wasn’t shining, but it’s a 20 mile drive in town, so 40 miles round trip just doesn’t make any sense, especially when we are trying to save every little penny and that includes on gas.
I headed home with the intent of cleaning the house. However, as usual, I got here and just felt so overwhelmed that I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I did get out and feed all the animals early though and I love being around the horses. It’s therapeutic on some level. Loving on them and having them love back on me just feels so good. I cuddle with Carmel and he gives kisses and cuddles back. I wish the yearlings would do that too, but they are still so young and skittish that there is no hope of that happening. I also went out to check on the rabbits and the new babies that Moshie had had only to find all the babies gone. I was really bummed to see that another litter hadn’t made it although I had little hope for them in the first place. The crazy thing is, is that there is no evidence of them when I get out there. There are no dead babies to pick up, they just disappear. So I have a sinking feeling that they are eating the babies. Sick and twisted rabbits! I can’t tell when they are pregnant so it’s not like I can bring them in right before they whelp. Otherwise, that’s what I would be doing. The bunnies were out of all their food and water even though they had just been fed the other day. They were some hungry bunnies! I tried holding them for awhile, but they are not fond of being messed with. Our buck, Zucky, is so big! He’s a fatty! Gwella (doe) is pretty big too so I’m wondering if she is pregnant again. There’s no telling, but I thought these bunnies were going to be money makers and it turns out that they’re not.
I came in from that and decided to lie down for a while and watch some TV. I have missed many of my favorite shows this past week. So I laid on the couch and just relaxed. I had talked with my friend Crystal early in the day and today is her birthday so I asked her if I could take her out last night to celebrate! We chatted back and forth about what she would want to do and she couldn’t come up with any ideas. Finally I started getting ready to go out with her. I had made some dinner for Danny in the slow cooker so I knew even though I was going out to eat he would be taken care of for the evening.
Crystal decided to go to “Old Chicago” for dinner. I love a particular beer they have there so I was all about that! We ordered appetizers for dinner and had a few beers to go with it. It was a great time and I love being able to spend time with her. After dinner she wanted to go see the movie “It’s Complicated” and I hadn’t seen it yet so it sounded like a great idea. It turned out to be a cute and funny movie! We ended up not getting out of there until after midnight! So add the drive home on top of that and I ended up not getting home until after 1:00am! I was so tired! But I ended up sleeping really well last night despite the pain I was having in my shoulder. That’s pretty unusual to sleep that well when Danny is gone to work, but I was out.
I’m back on my regularly prescribed medicine again and I expect in about 2 weeks I should be feeling much better. I hate that it will take that long, but that’s how long it takes to metabolize in your system. I have great hopes that I will be feeling back to normal by the time I start my new job, Lord willing! I am excited about Monday and the possibility of this being the job. I hope it is so some of this stress can go away. As for today, I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet. Yes, I need to clean the house but again it’s so overwhelming! I know if I were to do just one room at a time it wouldn’t be so bad. So maybe I’ll start on the living room first since it’s the one that’s the most manageable. It will take me about 30 minutes to an hour to get it all cleaned up but I can’t vacuum because Danny is sleeping and it will wake him up. I’m not sure if I’ll get to the kitchen today or not, but maybe I’ll start in a little bit on it. All I know is its dreary, cloudy, and cold out today and I still have to feed all the animals and I don’t want to. I really don’t want to do anything but that just makes the depression worse and I only have one week to get the house in order before Brenna brings her new boyfriend out to the house. Yes, I have to get started!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
After I left there I headed up to PT. It’s such a far drive for me, but of course where ever I go it’s a far drive living so far out in the country. My neck and back were hurting me particularly bad yesterday and I could also feel the pain in my shoulder shooting up my neck and down into my back. When Norman (PT guy) asked me how I was I told him what was going on and he said he would see what he could do to fix it. He ended up massaging my shoulder, my neck, and my back and it felt so good! I don’t know that many guys that are that good (and last that long) at giving massages. However, by the end of the day it was really flared up again and giving me a horrible headache. We did the ice and heat as is normal and when I left there my headache that I had woken up with was virtually gone! I could use him again this morning as my shoulder, back, and neck are hurting again. I’m not doing anything with it during the day so the only thing I can think of is it must be getting flared up while I’m sleeping at night. Just a theory but it sounds like a good one to me.
When I left there I went tanning per usual. I love getting in the tanning bed and being able to relax almost to the point of sleep. It’s so warm in there and I think it gives me the light that I miss from the sun when it’s not out. When I don’t see the sun for days I can feel this…bumness (another Melissaism) come on me. However, when I leave the tanning salon I always feel better. If the drive wasn’t so far I would think it would do me good to go everyday that the sun wasn’t shining, but it’s a 20 mile drive in town, so 40 miles round trip just doesn’t make any sense, especially when we are trying to save every little penny and that includes on gas.
I headed home with the intent of cleaning the house. However, as usual, I got here and just felt so overwhelmed that I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I did get out and feed all the animals early though and I love being around the horses. It’s therapeutic on some level. Loving on them and having them love back on me just feels so good. I cuddle with Carmel and he gives kisses and cuddles back. I wish the yearlings would do that too, but they are still so young and skittish that there is no hope of that happening. I also went out to check on the rabbits and the new babies that Moshie had had only to find all the babies gone. I was really bummed to see that another litter hadn’t made it although I had little hope for them in the first place. The crazy thing is, is that there is no evidence of them when I get out there. There are no dead babies to pick up, they just disappear. So I have a sinking feeling that they are eating the babies. Sick and twisted rabbits! I can’t tell when they are pregnant so it’s not like I can bring them in right before they whelp. Otherwise, that’s what I would be doing. The bunnies were out of all their food and water even though they had just been fed the other day. They were some hungry bunnies! I tried holding them for awhile, but they are not fond of being messed with. Our buck, Zucky, is so big! He’s a fatty! Gwella (doe) is pretty big too so I’m wondering if she is pregnant again. There’s no telling, but I thought these bunnies were going to be money makers and it turns out that they’re not.
I came in from that and decided to lie down for a while and watch some TV. I have missed many of my favorite shows this past week. So I laid on the couch and just relaxed. I had talked with my friend Crystal early in the day and today is her birthday so I asked her if I could take her out last night to celebrate! We chatted back and forth about what she would want to do and she couldn’t come up with any ideas. Finally I started getting ready to go out with her. I had made some dinner for Danny in the slow cooker so I knew even though I was going out to eat he would be taken care of for the evening.
Crystal decided to go to “Old Chicago” for dinner. I love a particular beer they have there so I was all about that! We ordered appetizers for dinner and had a few beers to go with it. It was a great time and I love being able to spend time with her. After dinner she wanted to go see the movie “It’s Complicated” and I hadn’t seen it yet so it sounded like a great idea. It turned out to be a cute and funny movie! We ended up not getting out of there until after midnight! So add the drive home on top of that and I ended up not getting home until after 1:00am! I was so tired! But I ended up sleeping really well last night despite the pain I was having in my shoulder. That’s pretty unusual to sleep that well when Danny is gone to work, but I was out.
I’m back on my regularly prescribed medicine again and I expect in about 2 weeks I should be feeling much better. I hate that it will take that long, but that’s how long it takes to metabolize in your system. I have great hopes that I will be feeling back to normal by the time I start my new job, Lord willing! I am excited about Monday and the possibility of this being the job. I hope it is so some of this stress can go away. As for today, I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet. Yes, I need to clean the house but again it’s so overwhelming! I know if I were to do just one room at a time it wouldn’t be so bad. So maybe I’ll start on the living room first since it’s the one that’s the most manageable. It will take me about 30 minutes to an hour to get it all cleaned up but I can’t vacuum because Danny is sleeping and it will wake him up. I’m not sure if I’ll get to the kitchen today or not, but maybe I’ll start in a little bit on it. All I know is its dreary, cloudy, and cold out today and I still have to feed all the animals and I don’t want to. I really don’t want to do anything but that just makes the depression worse and I only have one week to get the house in order before Brenna brings her new boyfriend out to the house. Yes, I have to get started!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Creep Back In....
I’m afraid that the depression is starting to creep back in again. I’ve not been keeping the house up, I’ve been staying on the computer all day, many times doing nothing but staring at a blank screen, and I think I know why. I’ve been trying to stretch my medicine out and went down in dosage on one of my meds. I think it’s really starting to affect me. It’s getting to the point I don’t even know what to write. I sit here now in the mood to write, but nothing comes to mind. Yes I could go on about my uneventful days but even that has no appeal to me. However, in trying to beat this depression I shall do my best.
Yesterday was a lazy day. I went to physical therapy in the morning and while it hurts some, it hasn’t been too bad. I don’t feel like he’s pushing me the way that he should. I feel like the workouts should hurt a little more to show that progress is being made, but this isn’t my field of expertise so I’ll rely on his knowledge instead of mine. I was still so tired when I left there that I went home and immediately laid down and ended up taking a two hour nap. That’s the other thing that makes me think the depression is getting worse is I can’t get enough sleep. I’m tired all the time, no matter when I go to bed. Anymore, I take Ciara to school in the mornings and come back home and then stay in bed until noon.
I cooked dinner last night even though I really didn’t want to. We ended up having brats, mac and cheese, and green beans. It was an easy meal, but I still haven’t cleaned it up. The mess, along with a million other messes, still remain. Brenna and her boyfriend, Gil, are coming over in two weeks, actually a week and a half, and I’ve got to get this house in tip top shape! But I have no desire to do so. This is really getting me down! And like the depression before I don’t feel like this is something I can just “shake off”. It goes deep, not as deep as I once was, but still not as great as I was either. I’m going today to pick up my regular prescribed medicine and will start taking it again tonight. It will take about two weeks to really kick in. The one thing it has showed me is I can’t be without my medicine, no matter how well I may feel! The reason for my wellness is because of the medicine I have been prescribed!
We left here and went to church and I taught the kids again last night. I have to say I did have a good time, although I sincerely missed being in with the others and hearing the message. We played many games and went over a couple of Bible lessons in the process. I still don’t know if I’m up to teaching full time, but I also feel like it’s what I should be doing. I can’t give in to the depression because I know it will only get worse!
Today I think I should get up and get dressed (because many days I don’t get dressed and just stay in my pj’s) and go out and look for a job in Shawnee Mall. I can’t just sit around waiting to hear from the jobs that I applied at when there are maybe others ones out there to be had. I’m also going to go into Oklahoma City and see if anyone is hiring there and maybe down in Moore. They are all drives, but at this point we don’t have enough money to pay the bills and that really is depressing me and worrying me to no end. I’ve asked Danny to take over paying the bills, but he doesn’t know how to do it online so that means I continue to do it. It is the one thing that brings me more stress than anything else going on right now! The money just isn’t there! I’m not trying to bellyache here, but it is a true worry on my mind. Every time I think about it my heart races and I get this sick dread feeling in my stomach. Just talking about it makes me the same way.
Well it’s 1:00pm here and I’m not accomplishing anything by sitting here complaining. I need to get up and be proactive about this! Please continue to be in prayer about the job situation. I’ve never felt a need to get a job as badly as I do right now! Maybe being out of the house would help the growing depression by just getting me around people. I don’t know, but please pray for the depression situation too. It’s my fault for trying something I thought would work and it obviously backfired on me! I’m not even going to try and blame another situation on the depression because I know it’s because of the medicine! But I’m fixing that today! I’ll do what I can where I can and try and stay positive about that!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Yesterday was a lazy day. I went to physical therapy in the morning and while it hurts some, it hasn’t been too bad. I don’t feel like he’s pushing me the way that he should. I feel like the workouts should hurt a little more to show that progress is being made, but this isn’t my field of expertise so I’ll rely on his knowledge instead of mine. I was still so tired when I left there that I went home and immediately laid down and ended up taking a two hour nap. That’s the other thing that makes me think the depression is getting worse is I can’t get enough sleep. I’m tired all the time, no matter when I go to bed. Anymore, I take Ciara to school in the mornings and come back home and then stay in bed until noon.
I cooked dinner last night even though I really didn’t want to. We ended up having brats, mac and cheese, and green beans. It was an easy meal, but I still haven’t cleaned it up. The mess, along with a million other messes, still remain. Brenna and her boyfriend, Gil, are coming over in two weeks, actually a week and a half, and I’ve got to get this house in tip top shape! But I have no desire to do so. This is really getting me down! And like the depression before I don’t feel like this is something I can just “shake off”. It goes deep, not as deep as I once was, but still not as great as I was either. I’m going today to pick up my regular prescribed medicine and will start taking it again tonight. It will take about two weeks to really kick in. The one thing it has showed me is I can’t be without my medicine, no matter how well I may feel! The reason for my wellness is because of the medicine I have been prescribed!
We left here and went to church and I taught the kids again last night. I have to say I did have a good time, although I sincerely missed being in with the others and hearing the message. We played many games and went over a couple of Bible lessons in the process. I still don’t know if I’m up to teaching full time, but I also feel like it’s what I should be doing. I can’t give in to the depression because I know it will only get worse!
Today I think I should get up and get dressed (because many days I don’t get dressed and just stay in my pj’s) and go out and look for a job in Shawnee Mall. I can’t just sit around waiting to hear from the jobs that I applied at when there are maybe others ones out there to be had. I’m also going to go into Oklahoma City and see if anyone is hiring there and maybe down in Moore. They are all drives, but at this point we don’t have enough money to pay the bills and that really is depressing me and worrying me to no end. I’ve asked Danny to take over paying the bills, but he doesn’t know how to do it online so that means I continue to do it. It is the one thing that brings me more stress than anything else going on right now! The money just isn’t there! I’m not trying to bellyache here, but it is a true worry on my mind. Every time I think about it my heart races and I get this sick dread feeling in my stomach. Just talking about it makes me the same way.
Well it’s 1:00pm here and I’m not accomplishing anything by sitting here complaining. I need to get up and be proactive about this! Please continue to be in prayer about the job situation. I’ve never felt a need to get a job as badly as I do right now! Maybe being out of the house would help the growing depression by just getting me around people. I don’t know, but please pray for the depression situation too. It’s my fault for trying something I thought would work and it obviously backfired on me! I’m not even going to try and blame another situation on the depression because I know it’s because of the medicine! But I’m fixing that today! I’ll do what I can where I can and try and stay positive about that!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Antsy...
Well I keep hoping to hear back from one of the jobs that I applied for but I haven’t heard anything yet. This waiting is making me nervous. I hope I’m not hoping in vain with this down turned economy but I do have to get a job. I went back to one of the jobs that I applied at and adjusted the hours that I could work so I could work more hours than what I had originally put down. They seemed please with the increase of hours that I put down, now I just have to wait for a call. Please be praying that I get a call back soon so I won’t be so antsy.
Yesterday was a unique day. Something neat and yet sad happened at the same time. Shay had come to me early in the morning saying that her boyfriend in Maryland was giving his number out to this new girl and I told her that wasn’t good so she responded to him with that saying she wasn’t comfortable with it. Later she headed down to the barn and I figured she would be down there for awhile like she normally is, however she was back in 20 minutes which is very unusual for her. When she came in she called my name and I could tell by the way she was talking that she was crying. She said she needed me and went into my room and collapsed on my bed in tears. Her boyfriend had broken up with her through text messaging and didn’t even call her to do it! She was devastated. I sat there and comforted her the best way I know how and offered up words of encouragement for her. I was so touched because she came to me first! Above all others I was the one she wanted. It meant so much to me! My heart was breaking with her tears, but I still felt a contentment that she would seek me out. I fixed her some comfort food and we ate together and things seemed to be better for awhile.
For dinner we had Steve and Tanya come up and I made breakfast. We haven’t had breakfast for dinner in quite awhile and everyone said it sounded good. I made bacon, scrambled eggs, biscuits, and sausage gravy. Everyone seemed to come up in waves so I kept the oven on and kept the food in there to keep it warm as they came up for dinner. When we got done we broke out the dice and played a few games of Farkle and it was fun. We ended up going to bed pretty late so the morning came way too early for me.
I had my first physical therapy appointment this morning and it went well. They said I have a grade 2 strain on my shoulder with tendonitis. We did exercises and ultra sounds and shock therapy with heat and ice. My therapist is Norman and he is too funny. He is very gay! My phone started ringing and it’s to the tune of Mamma Mia and he says, “Isn’t it the best movie ever!” It just made me crack up! I go back tomorrow and again on Friday. I will be going three times a week until we see some improvement and then got to once or twice a week. He thinks it will take about 6 weeks until it gets better, but we’ll wait and see.
We had left-overs for dinner tonight. I had pot roast, carrots, and potatoes for dinner and Ciara had breakfast again. Danny hasn’t eaten yet, but he’ll be fending for himself (gee I’m a great wife) tonight because I have Bible study with the women tonight. Nicky just came up and him and Ciara will play together for awhile I’m sure.
I’m excited about going to Bible study tonight. We always have such a great time together and a great time in the Word. I’ll take my questions with me when I go from my daily Bible reading and Janice always does a great job at being able to answer them. I don’t know if my friend that’s getting divorced will be there tonight but the more I think about it the more I know she needs to be there. I talked with Pastor today about her (she wanted me to call him) and my heart breaks over her current situation. She is going down the wrong road as fast as she can go. She continues to call me for advice and I promise she doesn’t want to hear what I really have to say. I talked with her today and her take on life amazes me. She’s at the point it’s everyone else’s fault and not hers. But I better stop there before I lose my spirituality.
I’m going to get off here now and maybe take a nap. I’m so tired from not sleeping well at night that I’m just worn out. I’m also still pretty sore from my fall and it’s keeping me up at night too. Maybe if I relax a little before I go I my mind will be fresh and won’t wander so much while I’m there. I’ll keep everyone posted on the job situation and updated on what’s going on with my shoulder. In the mean time I’m going to try to be productive here and maybe be a good wife and offer to fix my husband to eat. Mmmm, maybe…
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Yesterday was a unique day. Something neat and yet sad happened at the same time. Shay had come to me early in the morning saying that her boyfriend in Maryland was giving his number out to this new girl and I told her that wasn’t good so she responded to him with that saying she wasn’t comfortable with it. Later she headed down to the barn and I figured she would be down there for awhile like she normally is, however she was back in 20 minutes which is very unusual for her. When she came in she called my name and I could tell by the way she was talking that she was crying. She said she needed me and went into my room and collapsed on my bed in tears. Her boyfriend had broken up with her through text messaging and didn’t even call her to do it! She was devastated. I sat there and comforted her the best way I know how and offered up words of encouragement for her. I was so touched because she came to me first! Above all others I was the one she wanted. It meant so much to me! My heart was breaking with her tears, but I still felt a contentment that she would seek me out. I fixed her some comfort food and we ate together and things seemed to be better for awhile.
For dinner we had Steve and Tanya come up and I made breakfast. We haven’t had breakfast for dinner in quite awhile and everyone said it sounded good. I made bacon, scrambled eggs, biscuits, and sausage gravy. Everyone seemed to come up in waves so I kept the oven on and kept the food in there to keep it warm as they came up for dinner. When we got done we broke out the dice and played a few games of Farkle and it was fun. We ended up going to bed pretty late so the morning came way too early for me.
I had my first physical therapy appointment this morning and it went well. They said I have a grade 2 strain on my shoulder with tendonitis. We did exercises and ultra sounds and shock therapy with heat and ice. My therapist is Norman and he is too funny. He is very gay! My phone started ringing and it’s to the tune of Mamma Mia and he says, “Isn’t it the best movie ever!” It just made me crack up! I go back tomorrow and again on Friday. I will be going three times a week until we see some improvement and then got to once or twice a week. He thinks it will take about 6 weeks until it gets better, but we’ll wait and see.
We had left-overs for dinner tonight. I had pot roast, carrots, and potatoes for dinner and Ciara had breakfast again. Danny hasn’t eaten yet, but he’ll be fending for himself (gee I’m a great wife) tonight because I have Bible study with the women tonight. Nicky just came up and him and Ciara will play together for awhile I’m sure.
I’m excited about going to Bible study tonight. We always have such a great time together and a great time in the Word. I’ll take my questions with me when I go from my daily Bible reading and Janice always does a great job at being able to answer them. I don’t know if my friend that’s getting divorced will be there tonight but the more I think about it the more I know she needs to be there. I talked with Pastor today about her (she wanted me to call him) and my heart breaks over her current situation. She is going down the wrong road as fast as she can go. She continues to call me for advice and I promise she doesn’t want to hear what I really have to say. I talked with her today and her take on life amazes me. She’s at the point it’s everyone else’s fault and not hers. But I better stop there before I lose my spirituality.
I’m going to get off here now and maybe take a nap. I’m so tired from not sleeping well at night that I’m just worn out. I’m also still pretty sore from my fall and it’s keeping me up at night too. Maybe if I relax a little before I go I my mind will be fresh and won’t wander so much while I’m there. I’ll keep everyone posted on the job situation and updated on what’s going on with my shoulder. In the mean time I’m going to try to be productive here and maybe be a good wife and offer to fix my husband to eat. Mmmm, maybe…
Melissa Fitzwilliam
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