This Halloween

I can’t believe it’s already the last day of October. I look back at this year and wonder where the time has gone. This is the first year ever I haven’t seen Ciara on Halloween and she’s not even dressed up this year. She’s getting so big! It hardly seems possible that she’s already getting to be too old for dressing up. I remember her as a toddler dressing up as a ballerina with her little outfit on, or the year she went as a little black cat. Now she’s almost as tall as me! As I sit here tonight with Danny I realize our years of going out treat or treating are probably over. Even when we become grandparents we probably won’t be taking the grandkids out like we did our own kids. Time flies by so very fast. Now we begin the time of hanging out together on these nights with not much to do. We sit here and watch football and eat candy that we won’t be passing out because we live so far out. Truth be told, we get the candy to eat ourselves because our kids are past the age of being able to rummage through their baskets. As much as I’m relieved to not have a “baby” anymore there are certain things you miss as a parent. I know that you raise them to go beyond these points and to cherish the memories you have. At the same time, you can’t help getting nostalgic at these moments. So goes my first year of not having a little one to take door to door and while I’m ok not “celebrating” Halloween, I still miss the times of being with the girls. I believe all the girls are dressing up this year (outside of Ciara), but we won’t see any of them. We will sit here and munch on our candy and think back to when we were out there with the other parents reminding our girls to say “thank you” and remember their manners (and of course they always did). So to all the parents that are out tonight, cherish the time because it is fleeting. And to the parents we are joining, any suggestions of what to do when there’s nothing to do?

Melissa Fitzwilliam

From the Inside Out

I can't remember the name of the artist that sings this, but I do love the lyrics! It blesses me and reminds me that no matter what I dwell within His grace. I need this reminder constantly as I continue to beat myself up for being such a retched sinner. But that is the beauty of His grace; no one deserves it but He lavishes us with it never the less. I hope it blesses those who read this and reminds us all that He is the light in the dark, but we must allow Him to consume us from the inside out.

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Chorus 2x
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out


Melissa Fitzwilliam

He Is

This is a song by Mark Schultz that really speaks to my heart. I must be still and know He is God and His plan is perfect for my life. I am not good to be still but always wondering if He really knows what He is doing. He is Faithful and True and majestic in all of His glory. He continually shows His great love for me, so why isn't it enough for me? I remind myself of His promises to me and I cling to what I know even though I don't feel that this is true. I am weary of all that continues to go on and long for a break from this life. However, He has promises that He knows what is good for me and supplies all that I need. I long to feel His presence in my heart and even though I don't I know He is there. These days shall pass and once again I will feel all of this and more. The world will not fade away so I must learn to feel His peace, to know His peace, in spite of it all. I am on my knees begging for a release from all that holds me down. While I don't feel Him holding me, I know that He is. This storm in my soul rages on and while I don't see the end, He does. While I don't "see" the light, He is my Light. There will come a day when all of this will pass away and I will see He is, He was, and He always will be. But until that day comes I will comfort my soul with His sweet promises.

Father, let the world just fade away
Let me feel your presence in this place
Lord, I’ve never been so weary
How I need to know you’re near me
Father, let the world just fade away

Till I’m on my knees
Till my heart can sing

He is
He was
He always will be

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

Father, let your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm the storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say

He is
He was
He always will be

He lives
He loves
He’s always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Through every fear
And every doubt
And every tear I shed
Down every road
I’m not alone
No matter where I am

He is
He was
And He always will be

He lives
He loves
He’s always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Be still, and know
Be still, my soul
He is

Great is Your Love

What can I do to prove to You
My deep abiding devotion
How do I show You truly
The depths of my emotion
You are my all in all
You supply all of my needs
You give me more than I deserve
You lavish Your love on me
Great is Your love for me oh Lord
You’re holy in all of Your ways
You’re glorious in all of Your majesty
And so it shall be for all days
I call upon on You everyday
And You hear all of my pleas
And You’re always faithful to answer
As I come humbly on my knees
You are righteous in all of Your ways
You are the Faithful and True
You will seek me to the end
Protecting me in all I do
Great is Your love for me oh Lord
You’re holy in all of Your ways
You’re glorious in all of Your majesty
And so it shall be for all days
You are my heart’s peace
Your ways are always before me
On me You pour Your abundant grace
You give me unending mercy
You are my soon and coming Bridegroom
You are my Beloved forevermore
I will love You with every breath
For it’s You that I adore
Great is Your love for me oh Lord
You’re holy in all of Your ways
You’re glorious in all of Your majesty
And so it shall be for all days

Melissa Fitzwilliam

Take Me Beyond My Dreams

A little of me that’s all I have
It’s all I have to give
It’s not much to offer
Give me a reason to live
I am a retched person
So deep down inside
Filthy rags to the core
In You alone I confide
I know I have Your grace
Your peace You give to me
Your mercy is mine to cherish
You can give me all I need
All You require is my heart
And You will circumcise it new
Making me a child of God
In all I say and do
I don’t know why I doubt You so
When You’ve proven Yourself so true
Again and again You freely give
All that I ask of You
Why do I hold on to my dreams
When You can offer me so much more
You can take me beyond my dreams
You’ve done it many times before
I clasp them oh so tightly
Longing for my own way
But that was never Your intention
You can bring to a better day
I long for You healing touch
To cleanse from within
Revive my broken spirit
So peace I may have again
You are the only answer
Truly my only need
If I can learn to be faithful
And seek You to eternity
You long to hold me closer
To be my Love and my Light
If I will let go of these dreams
That keeps me in this dark night
You offer me a way out
But must follow Your way
Then freedom will be mine at last
Bringing me to a brighter day

Melissa Fitzwilliam

Surrender

Is the key to my happiness giving up on all of my dreams, hopes, and plans?
What's the secret to aligning my will to the Lord's? I'm sure once I surrender my all peace will finally come to me. These lyrics really touch me right now. It's a song by Barlow Girl and it really tells what is at the heart of me right now. Clutching tightly everything I believe is mine, yet in reality it all belongs to God already. When will I give up my human ways and let Him lead me?

"Surrender"

My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen
So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart showing who I am
Now You're asking me to show
What I'm holding oh so tightly
Can't open my hands can't let go
Does it matter?
Should I show You?
Can't You let me go?

Surrender, surrender You whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me. My dreams are me

You say You have a plan for me
And that You want the best for my life
Told me the world had yet to see
What You can do with one
That's committed to Your calling
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?

Surrender, surrender You whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me. My dreams are me


I can't let my dreams, or the lack there of, define who I am. Once I give myself completely to God, maybe then peace will be mine once again. This is my hope, this is my prayer.

Melissa Fitzwilliam

Revive Me

A song for my heart by Jeremy Camp...

Consider my affliction and please deliver me
Plead my cause and redeem me
Salvation is not for the wicked
For they don't seek Your word
Great are Your tender mercies Lord

Revive me, according to Your loving kindness
Revive me, that I may seek Your word
Revive me, according to Your loving kindness
Revive me, oh Lord

You give me understanding
According to Your word
Great peace for those who seek Your face
I long for salvation
My lips shall praise Your name
I rejoice in the treasure of Your keep

Revive me, according to Your loving kindness
Revive me, that I may seek Your word
Revive me, according to Your loving kindness
Revive me, oh Lord

For all my ways are before You
I let Your hand become my help
My soul longs and adores You
Let my cry come before You oh Lord

Revive me, according to Your loving kindness
Revive me, that I may seek Your word
Revive me, according to Your loving kindness
Revive me, oh Lord

Oh, Revive me
Revive me


This is my prayer today...and until He makes me whole again...

Melissa Fitzwilliam

I Don't Deserve His Love

I live by grace and by grace alone
I don’t deserve His love
I beg for mercy all day long
Seeking love from above
I don’t understand His great love
At time my faith is so small
Why would He choose someone like me
When I don’t deserve it at all
When will I grasp the beauty of grace
Or can it be done at all
When will I grasp the freedom in faith
And be assured He’ll catch me when I fall
I don’t know why I live in fear
When He would lavish peace on me
He longs to be my One True Love
And to set my burdened heart free
He longs to still my quaking heart
And guard me in the shelter of His wings
All this and more could be completely mine
If I would only trust Him in all things
Why do I deny myself these gifts He gives
Almost shielding myself from His grace
Why do I turn away from His mercy
When I can’t carry these burdens I face
It’s true I don’t deserve His unfathomable love
But He loves me just the same
He seeks to comfort me from life’s pain
And to remind me the reason He came
He saves me from certain death
He saves me from me
He saves from this retched world
And from all of life’s uncertainty
Somehow, some way I must learn
To embrace the grace He gives
And try to begin to understand
That it’s through faith in Him I live
He came and poured out all Himself
His life He willingly gave
And all of these thing He longs to give to me
He came the wretched to save
I am the wretched, the broken, and bruised
Still I don’t deserve His love
But He pours it out lavishly
Giving me more than I ever dreamed of
He is my Beloved, and forever I am His
The Word declares this true
Faith gives life, grace brings peace
And mercy brings me through
Life in Him is a sweet thing
In His peace I must learn to live
And freedom will be mine at last
When I finally accept all He as to give

Melissa Fitzwilliam