I’m frustrated right now. Very, very frustrated!! And I can’t talk about it!! Why? Because it’s just too personal for a blog or facebook. What I’m realizing is maybe I’ve put too much personal stuff out there on my blog. I don’t know, but something has got to give. I was told before that I put too much information on here and I kind of blew it off, but now I’m having second thoughts. I’m having second thoughts about a lot of things. What? Well, I wonder what is my point on facebook? Am I so self absorbed that I think other people actually care about what happens in my day? And this blog, it’s not impacting anyone, it almost has no purpose other than provide me a place to vent. I’m thinking about canceling the importation from the blog to facebook and maybe put my blog on private. I don’t know. What I do know, is I’m not sure anymore. Maybe this is the depression talking, again I don’t know or maybe I’ve finally gotten fed up with just some little (big to me) things.
I thought I would clear up some questions about my upcoming surgery. There is a clinic down in Florida that does laser surgeries that Tara is going to go to. However, my insurance doesn’t cover it and it’s way too expensive for us to do. The three different doctors that I’ve talked to said it wouldn’t be an option further because my spinal cord is pushed so far to the right that it needs to be surgically repaired. It’s a scary thing to be for sure!!! There are two different options they’ve given to me but they both require surgery. One is an experimental procedure where the spine isn’t fused per say, but manipulated in some way that I would still have total movement but I don’t know if my health care will cover something experimental. He said if the experimental procedure didn’t work they could always go back and fuse it. The other option is to fuse it of course. I think I would like to try the experimental procedure if insurance would cover it, but we are awaiting approval for the surgery right now. They said if I don’t have this surgery it’s just a matter of time before I lose complete function of my right arm and I chance becoming paralyzed if I were to get hit in the head with the way my spinal cord is bent. Yes I’m awfully young to be considering this procedure, however, I’ve sought out three different opinions and they all say the same thing. So there you go! I hope this is a better explanation of the procedure and why I have to have it. I’m very optimistic about it. I will be in the hands of the best doctor in the state of Oklahoma! God will see me through this.
There’s not much other news. I still need to clean my house especially before this surgery, but I’m wondering if I need to go back to Misty and get my medicines tweaked again. I just don’t have the drive to do anything. I did cook for the first time in months the other night and Danny was so excited and that is so very sad. I know he would be super excited to come home to me cleaning rather than me blogging but what’s a girl suppose to do? I’m going to try to quit smoking yet again. I feel like a complete failure every time I pick one up. The doctor’s said I would heal better if I wasn’t smoking and Ciara just begs me to quit. I know it’s bad for me, but I have to tell you I totally believe now (to where I didn’t before) that it is a true addiction. I hate the thought of being addicted to something and letting something else control my life. So here we go again. I’m praying really hard that the Lord delivers me from this and once and for all I can be smoke-free. I have other things weighing heavy on my mind, but again for my sake I won’t share it. I will pray about it instead. I think I know what I should and need to do, now it’s just a matter of doing it. Well Danny’s home so I better get off of here. Blessings to you all!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
This Too Shall Pass
Can I take this first paragraph to just complain? I don’t feel good!!! I haven’t felt good for almost two weeks, if not longer! My stomach hurts me almost all the time now! I’m glad the doctors finally figured out what was going on but now I wonder how long this will last? I’m constantly nauseous and no amount of medicine seems to change that. I’ve stopped throwing up but I still feel like I need to all the time and nausea just wears you out!!! Not only is my stomach bothering me but so is my neck! I have a headache that never seems to go away and sharp pains that shoot down both arms almost constantly. I’m ready for my neck surgery in one breath but in the other one I’m scared to death! A neck fusion is a massive deal! I’m too young to have as many problems as I have! I feel older than what I am and it’s no fun! I haven’t complained near as much as I want to but I’m sure you don’t want to hear me whine through a whole blog, so I’ll stop short of all the things I really want to say.
First things first, we now have a new manager at The Buckle. Her name is Teshina and she is nice enough. However, she’s not Natalie!!! I am already really upset with her and it’s just her first week in! I was late on Friday because I was majorly sick! But I knew I needed to go in so I got up and got myself around. I asked her what time she preferred for me to come in and she said 1:00 and I told her that was fine. Well I ended up getting sicker while I was at work and asked her if I could come in on Saturday to finish doing freight and she said that was fine. So I got up and was at the store around 1:00 and she told me I should have been in when the store opened since she let me go early the day before. So she asks me what she can do to help me be on time. I told her that being on time wasn’t a problem and she said apparently it was since I was late to work two days in a row. I told her I was here at 1:00 and she said I had told her I would be in when the store opened the day before. I don’t remember saying that but whatever! So she decides she needs to put me on probation, it’s called the commitment program, since I was late in her mind. I was so mad! I come in early, stay late, and do things that aren’t on my responsibility and she wants to put me on probation! That’s ridiculous! To say I’m upset is a major understatement!!!! Again she seems nice enough, but I question her ability to be able to lead the team effectively and balance everything that needs to be done at the store. And on top of that she is talking negatively about Natalie and I can’t stand that! Sigh…yes I know more complaining but this just makes me boil!!!
In other news, as most of you now know I spent the better part of last week in the ER at the hospital for severe pains in my stomach. They tried so many different things to help with the nausea and the vomiting but nothing seemed to work. They finally sent me to a GI Specialist where Dr. Bookman did a upper GI endoscopy. What they find when they got inside my stomach was just nasty! My stomach is what they call impacted which means that I have undigested food sitting in my stomach not moving. It keeps the other food from staying down and causes the acid in my stomach to curdle. Gross I know!!! However they were thinking it was a bleeding ulcer which would have been much harder to make go away, so there are blessings in what I have. They have me on so much medication right now it’s not even funny! I think we spent over $100.00 at the pharmacy last week alone! So of the medication helps some of it doesn’t but I take it all the way I’m supposed to. I have to go see Dr. Becker this next week to follow up with him and let him know what Dr. Bookman found. Maybe then he can change up my medicines some so I don’t have to take so many.
In other just wonderful news, I need neck surgery. A neck fusion to be exact. Apparently when I took that fall on the kid’s toy I did a huge number on my neck. C4 is bulging pretty badly and C5 is completely herniated on the side and in the back and is causing my spinal cord to curve to the right pretty badly. The doctor’s are saying that a neck fusion is my only option at this point in time. I don’t know which levels they are going to fuse yet but I go to Dr. Kelly tomorrow to find out and to schedule surgery. I’m hoping to get it done as soon as possible so I can be up and around for the holidays! It makes me just want to kick myself for ever climbing on that toy!!! Now I have headaches constantly and pains that shoot down my arms and into my hands. Last night was a miserable night because I couldn’t get past the pain to go to sleep. I ended up going to sleep on the couch (didn’t want to keep Danny up with all my tossing and turning) around 3:00 and slept there for a few hours. I finally woke up and went back to bed and at some point we lost power. I was supposed to teach the kids today at church but my alarm never went off to get me up so I overslept so late that church had already started when I finally woke up. Sigh…not the way I wanted to start my day!!!
The house is a complete mess and I can’t get any help keeping it clean and with me being sick here lately it’s the last thing I wanted to do! Besides that I’ve been down here lately and all I can think it would be is my depression. Misty changed my medicines and Danny said he’s noticed that I’ve been regressing again. I don’t cook, I don’t clean because frankly, I don’t care! The girls are embarrassed to have anyone come over to the house and I don’t blame them. I’m embarrassed about my house but still can’t bring myself to clean it. I look around here and all I want to do is cry! I’ve got to shake this and just get up and start cleaning. I just don’t want to! Anymore I don’t want to do anything!!!! So it has to be my depression! I wish I could go back to where I was a year ago and my house was almost spotless!! When Brenna lived with us all I did was clean and cook! I was happier then, but I don’t know why. This depression seems to come in waves. I cycle on it and right now I happen to be in a bad place.
Other than that things are ok I guess. Shay turned 18 and I cried like a baby that day! Ciara is fixing to turn 13 and it blows my mind!! So much change and I’m just not ready for it! Right now Danny’s out of work because a guy hit our trailer and destroyed it and now we’re waiting for insurance to come through and fix it. It’s been stressful. There have been more downs than ups lately and they are taking their toll on me. We’re both feeling the stress and that makes us both very grumpy people. I wish I could sit here and write about how wonderful things are but that would just be a lie. Things aren’t great but I know God is good all the time. I’m trying to praise Him in all things but it’s not easy right now. I pray all of you are doing better than me. I pray for you all daily! I pray His mighty hand will pull me out of this funk that I’m in right now. I know He has only good planned for me, but there are times I just don’t see how this road I’m on is for my best. Yes, I question Him and I shouldn’t!!! I just pray this is a passing phase. Yes, this too shall pass! Just not soon enough for me!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
First things first, we now have a new manager at The Buckle. Her name is Teshina and she is nice enough. However, she’s not Natalie!!! I am already really upset with her and it’s just her first week in! I was late on Friday because I was majorly sick! But I knew I needed to go in so I got up and got myself around. I asked her what time she preferred for me to come in and she said 1:00 and I told her that was fine. Well I ended up getting sicker while I was at work and asked her if I could come in on Saturday to finish doing freight and she said that was fine. So I got up and was at the store around 1:00 and she told me I should have been in when the store opened since she let me go early the day before. So she asks me what she can do to help me be on time. I told her that being on time wasn’t a problem and she said apparently it was since I was late to work two days in a row. I told her I was here at 1:00 and she said I had told her I would be in when the store opened the day before. I don’t remember saying that but whatever! So she decides she needs to put me on probation, it’s called the commitment program, since I was late in her mind. I was so mad! I come in early, stay late, and do things that aren’t on my responsibility and she wants to put me on probation! That’s ridiculous! To say I’m upset is a major understatement!!!! Again she seems nice enough, but I question her ability to be able to lead the team effectively and balance everything that needs to be done at the store. And on top of that she is talking negatively about Natalie and I can’t stand that! Sigh…yes I know more complaining but this just makes me boil!!!
In other news, as most of you now know I spent the better part of last week in the ER at the hospital for severe pains in my stomach. They tried so many different things to help with the nausea and the vomiting but nothing seemed to work. They finally sent me to a GI Specialist where Dr. Bookman did a upper GI endoscopy. What they find when they got inside my stomach was just nasty! My stomach is what they call impacted which means that I have undigested food sitting in my stomach not moving. It keeps the other food from staying down and causes the acid in my stomach to curdle. Gross I know!!! However they were thinking it was a bleeding ulcer which would have been much harder to make go away, so there are blessings in what I have. They have me on so much medication right now it’s not even funny! I think we spent over $100.00 at the pharmacy last week alone! So of the medication helps some of it doesn’t but I take it all the way I’m supposed to. I have to go see Dr. Becker this next week to follow up with him and let him know what Dr. Bookman found. Maybe then he can change up my medicines some so I don’t have to take so many.
In other just wonderful news, I need neck surgery. A neck fusion to be exact. Apparently when I took that fall on the kid’s toy I did a huge number on my neck. C4 is bulging pretty badly and C5 is completely herniated on the side and in the back and is causing my spinal cord to curve to the right pretty badly. The doctor’s are saying that a neck fusion is my only option at this point in time. I don’t know which levels they are going to fuse yet but I go to Dr. Kelly tomorrow to find out and to schedule surgery. I’m hoping to get it done as soon as possible so I can be up and around for the holidays! It makes me just want to kick myself for ever climbing on that toy!!! Now I have headaches constantly and pains that shoot down my arms and into my hands. Last night was a miserable night because I couldn’t get past the pain to go to sleep. I ended up going to sleep on the couch (didn’t want to keep Danny up with all my tossing and turning) around 3:00 and slept there for a few hours. I finally woke up and went back to bed and at some point we lost power. I was supposed to teach the kids today at church but my alarm never went off to get me up so I overslept so late that church had already started when I finally woke up. Sigh…not the way I wanted to start my day!!!
The house is a complete mess and I can’t get any help keeping it clean and with me being sick here lately it’s the last thing I wanted to do! Besides that I’ve been down here lately and all I can think it would be is my depression. Misty changed my medicines and Danny said he’s noticed that I’ve been regressing again. I don’t cook, I don’t clean because frankly, I don’t care! The girls are embarrassed to have anyone come over to the house and I don’t blame them. I’m embarrassed about my house but still can’t bring myself to clean it. I look around here and all I want to do is cry! I’ve got to shake this and just get up and start cleaning. I just don’t want to! Anymore I don’t want to do anything!!!! So it has to be my depression! I wish I could go back to where I was a year ago and my house was almost spotless!! When Brenna lived with us all I did was clean and cook! I was happier then, but I don’t know why. This depression seems to come in waves. I cycle on it and right now I happen to be in a bad place.
Other than that things are ok I guess. Shay turned 18 and I cried like a baby that day! Ciara is fixing to turn 13 and it blows my mind!! So much change and I’m just not ready for it! Right now Danny’s out of work because a guy hit our trailer and destroyed it and now we’re waiting for insurance to come through and fix it. It’s been stressful. There have been more downs than ups lately and they are taking their toll on me. We’re both feeling the stress and that makes us both very grumpy people. I wish I could sit here and write about how wonderful things are but that would just be a lie. Things aren’t great but I know God is good all the time. I’m trying to praise Him in all things but it’s not easy right now. I pray all of you are doing better than me. I pray for you all daily! I pray His mighty hand will pull me out of this funk that I’m in right now. I know He has only good planned for me, but there are times I just don’t see how this road I’m on is for my best. Yes, I question Him and I shouldn’t!!! I just pray this is a passing phase. Yes, this too shall pass! Just not soon enough for me!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Saturday, September 25, 2010
That's Why You Are You!
How can be surrounded by people and feel so alone, I’ve lost my way with no way to get back home. I’m just a shadow in a sea of people, no greatness is found in me. I live as a whisp of what I could really be. The wind tosses me to and fro making me lose sight of the way I must go. I am among the least in life. Forever burdened with great strife. I feel as though I’m broken in pieces; never finding that which releases. Melancholy, apathetic, and rebellious too; forever doing that which I must not do. A murderess, a thief, a liar abounds; no goodness within me can be found. A cheater, prideful, and full of vanity; all of this lies in the heart of me. Hateful, ungrateful, and jealousy is all that which encompasses me. I as wretched of a sinner that You could find, so what caused You to save this life of mine? Yes, I’m even wicked to my very core, yet I am the one that You adore. So what could You possibly see in me that You would be willing to die for me? What kind of love do You possess that You would give it all for my happiness? The answer to in all lies in Your redeeming grace, for it’s Your mercy that truly saves. So I may be surrounded but I’m never alone, because You will forever be my home. I’m a shining light in Your sea of people, for greatness You find in me. For in You alone I can be all I was meant to be. The wind might toss me to and fro, but You will always show me which way to go. No longer am I the least in life, forever You save me from my great strife. I must be broken to pieces so You can build me into more of You, then I will find all that releases for that is what You do. And I while I’m wretched and a sinner too, that’s why You love me, that’s why You are You!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Melissa Fitzwilliam
The House is Overwhelming Me!!!
I feel so overwhelmed! I’m sitting at home today and chaos surrounds me. My house is such a mess that it embarrasses me. I can’t seem to find that “get up and go” that I need to find to get it clean. I look around and tiredness just creeps in. I feel defeated and I haven’t even started. The problem is, is it’s so bad I don’t even know where to start. I remember when I would clean a little bit every day and the house seemed to stay pretty nice. It’s not even like I can blame it on work because I only work about four to five hours a day then I come back home. I can’t say that I’m depressed, but something is wrong and I can’t put my finger on it. I’m not cooking anymore like when the depression started and I have the energy, but not the “want to”. I feel like I’m being so selfish right now, but in the same sense I feel like everyone else should be helping. Sigh… I’m not sure what the answer is but something’s got to give!
I went to both of my doctors this week and had all of my check-ups. Misty is my physiatrist and she did an overhaul on my medicines. I was on Abilify and Cymbalta and they are notorious for causing weight gain. I’ve gained forty pounds in a year and I’m no longer at a healthy weight. I had told her I would stay on the medicines for mental wellness as long as I could stay at a healthy weight and it’s just not happening. No matter what I do I keep gaining and not finding that point when you finally stop gaining and kind of maintain a certain weight. No, I’m gaining and gaining. So she cut me back half on the Abilify and she said that should help with the bad dreams and the mini-amnesia I’m having. She’s taking me off of Cymbalta altogether and putting me on something called Luvox. The Luvox makes you sleepy at night so I’m finally sleeping without any type of crazy dreams or nightmares. This is such a relief! She said I should start to notice weight dropping off right away and I sure hope so.
I also went to see Dr. Becker, my primary doctor, to get a complete blood work up done. High cholesterol, diabetes, heart problems, cancer, etc. run in my family so it’s important that I get these checked every year. I also had him check my thyroid just in case it wasn’t the medicine that was making me gain all this weight. All the results came back perfect!!! My liver function and kidney function is perfect, my thyroid is working wonderfully, and all the numbers on cholesterol and triglycerides are right where they should be. He said I couldn’t have asked for better numbers. I did tell him about the increase in headaches and about my fall on the kids ride. He shook his head and laughed but he also ordered an MRI saying that I definitely have whiplash, and we need to see if it messed up any more of the disc in my neck. So I go for the MRI on Monday and after they get the report back I will go see Dr. Meyers, my pain specialist, to see if I can start the neck injections again. Dr. Becker said that at the moment I am one solid muscle spasm in my neck and back and that’s what’s causing the headaches. He doesn’t think the muscle relaxers will help because of the injury and then he told me to say off toys!!! So much for being young at heart!
Last night I went to the fair again, but this time I went with my mom, grandma, CC, and her two cousins. We had a good time but I really missed Danny being there. He didn’t go because 1) he had work to do and 2) he wasn’t invited!!! My mom and grandma really need to change their hearts toward him. He is a good man and is wonderful to me and Ciara. I just don’t understand why they can’t accept our marriage and him and show him the love he deserves. The good news is he didn’t really want to go last night, he says one time at the fair a year is enough for him! I was hoping to go with all the girls this year, but the money just wasn’t there. The fair has gotten so expensive!!! The food is good but it’s outrageous what you have to spend on it. Mom said that she would pay for everything last night, but Danny gave me some money so I could pay my own way. I hate being dependent on her for everything so I bought what I could, but she did pay for some. Grandma had to be pushed around in the wheelchair so we all took turns doing that. I walked my poor little feet off!!! I followed the girls around to all the rides and made sure they got on and off ok and that no one messed with them in the lines. Mom told me that’s why she needed me there so she could have help watching them. So for the most part mom and grandma relaxed at a table and I walked around with the girls. It was a good time, but I can honestly say I’m done with the fair this year.
My job has been going ok. We have a temporary manager in place at the moment and if she stays I think it would be great. Her name is Tashina, and she has the sweetest personality. Now mind you she’s not Natalie, but she is very likeable and nice. She always compliments me on the work I do and really seems to notice how hard I work when I’m there. I’m going in early Monday morning to vacuum the whole store again because it looks like a mess right now. The night crew just isn’t doing the job they need to do and it may be of time restraints on when they need to leave. I also cleaned the backroom again on Friday, including the bathroom (yuck!), and wiped it down and vacuumed it. They say I’m really fast at freight so I feel like I have job security lol. Danny’s job is going ok too. We finally have some jobs coming in but the money just isn’t coming in as fast as it’s going out. We had a major headache this past week with one of the credit card companies that was enough to make me want to move my account elsewhere. We gave Rick the credit card so he could fill up with diesel and they rejected it because I had just filled up with gas right before him. The credit card company was saying it was a fraudulent charge and I was telling them it wasn’t!!! They said they would have to talk to Danny since it was his card and he was the main person on the account. I was fuming mad!!! Anyway I finally took went down there and found out Rick and Kathy were being detained by the security guards and when I showed them my id and my credit card they released them. It was so embarrassing!!!!
Other than that I need to get off here and clean my house. I still don’t want to but it’s not going to clean itself and I’m still looking for that elusive cleaning fairy (right Elaine!!!). I did forget to tell you I’m starting the new HCG diet where you take a pregnancy hormone and it’s suppose to drop weight off you really fast!!! I’m excited about it but I’m wondering what I’m going to do with all these new jeans I’ve bought! We have a lady that alters clothes for us and that’s what I may have to have done. Anyway the thought of losing weight is exciting!! I still haven’t given up on quitting smoking it’s just harder than I ever realized. Please pray that God takes the desire completely away and that I’ll finally be able to kick this habit!! I pray for you all daily! I pray that God shows Himself to you today in a special way and that you can feel His love just pouring over you. Sorry this was so long but I guess I didn’t realize how much I had to tell you!!! Grace and peace be with you. Please pray for us also!!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I went to both of my doctors this week and had all of my check-ups. Misty is my physiatrist and she did an overhaul on my medicines. I was on Abilify and Cymbalta and they are notorious for causing weight gain. I’ve gained forty pounds in a year and I’m no longer at a healthy weight. I had told her I would stay on the medicines for mental wellness as long as I could stay at a healthy weight and it’s just not happening. No matter what I do I keep gaining and not finding that point when you finally stop gaining and kind of maintain a certain weight. No, I’m gaining and gaining. So she cut me back half on the Abilify and she said that should help with the bad dreams and the mini-amnesia I’m having. She’s taking me off of Cymbalta altogether and putting me on something called Luvox. The Luvox makes you sleepy at night so I’m finally sleeping without any type of crazy dreams or nightmares. This is such a relief! She said I should start to notice weight dropping off right away and I sure hope so.
I also went to see Dr. Becker, my primary doctor, to get a complete blood work up done. High cholesterol, diabetes, heart problems, cancer, etc. run in my family so it’s important that I get these checked every year. I also had him check my thyroid just in case it wasn’t the medicine that was making me gain all this weight. All the results came back perfect!!! My liver function and kidney function is perfect, my thyroid is working wonderfully, and all the numbers on cholesterol and triglycerides are right where they should be. He said I couldn’t have asked for better numbers. I did tell him about the increase in headaches and about my fall on the kids ride. He shook his head and laughed but he also ordered an MRI saying that I definitely have whiplash, and we need to see if it messed up any more of the disc in my neck. So I go for the MRI on Monday and after they get the report back I will go see Dr. Meyers, my pain specialist, to see if I can start the neck injections again. Dr. Becker said that at the moment I am one solid muscle spasm in my neck and back and that’s what’s causing the headaches. He doesn’t think the muscle relaxers will help because of the injury and then he told me to say off toys!!! So much for being young at heart!
Last night I went to the fair again, but this time I went with my mom, grandma, CC, and her two cousins. We had a good time but I really missed Danny being there. He didn’t go because 1) he had work to do and 2) he wasn’t invited!!! My mom and grandma really need to change their hearts toward him. He is a good man and is wonderful to me and Ciara. I just don’t understand why they can’t accept our marriage and him and show him the love he deserves. The good news is he didn’t really want to go last night, he says one time at the fair a year is enough for him! I was hoping to go with all the girls this year, but the money just wasn’t there. The fair has gotten so expensive!!! The food is good but it’s outrageous what you have to spend on it. Mom said that she would pay for everything last night, but Danny gave me some money so I could pay my own way. I hate being dependent on her for everything so I bought what I could, but she did pay for some. Grandma had to be pushed around in the wheelchair so we all took turns doing that. I walked my poor little feet off!!! I followed the girls around to all the rides and made sure they got on and off ok and that no one messed with them in the lines. Mom told me that’s why she needed me there so she could have help watching them. So for the most part mom and grandma relaxed at a table and I walked around with the girls. It was a good time, but I can honestly say I’m done with the fair this year.
My job has been going ok. We have a temporary manager in place at the moment and if she stays I think it would be great. Her name is Tashina, and she has the sweetest personality. Now mind you she’s not Natalie, but she is very likeable and nice. She always compliments me on the work I do and really seems to notice how hard I work when I’m there. I’m going in early Monday morning to vacuum the whole store again because it looks like a mess right now. The night crew just isn’t doing the job they need to do and it may be of time restraints on when they need to leave. I also cleaned the backroom again on Friday, including the bathroom (yuck!), and wiped it down and vacuumed it. They say I’m really fast at freight so I feel like I have job security lol. Danny’s job is going ok too. We finally have some jobs coming in but the money just isn’t coming in as fast as it’s going out. We had a major headache this past week with one of the credit card companies that was enough to make me want to move my account elsewhere. We gave Rick the credit card so he could fill up with diesel and they rejected it because I had just filled up with gas right before him. The credit card company was saying it was a fraudulent charge and I was telling them it wasn’t!!! They said they would have to talk to Danny since it was his card and he was the main person on the account. I was fuming mad!!! Anyway I finally took went down there and found out Rick and Kathy were being detained by the security guards and when I showed them my id and my credit card they released them. It was so embarrassing!!!!
Other than that I need to get off here and clean my house. I still don’t want to but it’s not going to clean itself and I’m still looking for that elusive cleaning fairy (right Elaine!!!). I did forget to tell you I’m starting the new HCG diet where you take a pregnancy hormone and it’s suppose to drop weight off you really fast!!! I’m excited about it but I’m wondering what I’m going to do with all these new jeans I’ve bought! We have a lady that alters clothes for us and that’s what I may have to have done. Anyway the thought of losing weight is exciting!! I still haven’t given up on quitting smoking it’s just harder than I ever realized. Please pray that God takes the desire completely away and that I’ll finally be able to kick this habit!! I pray for you all daily! I pray that God shows Himself to you today in a special way and that you can feel His love just pouring over you. Sorry this was so long but I guess I didn’t realize how much I had to tell you!!! Grace and peace be with you. Please pray for us also!!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Monday, September 20, 2010
God's Gift of a Job
I'm sitting here riding down the road with much on my mind. There's a sense of comfort as Danny lies next to my arm as we cuddle in the sleeper of he truck. I got up way too early this morning (3:30)and I'm tired but I can't sleep. Blame it on foo much coffee if you will but in a way I'm restless. I'm not sure why but I think I could know the cause. I'm getting really nervous about the doctor's results, the upcoming visits, and the possiblity of changing my depression medicine. I know God has everything under control and that I shouldn't worry T all but I can't seem to help myself. I've heard it said many times "let go and let God" but that's easier said than done. I've ealso heard it said that rarely does your worst expectation come to fruition, but I still can't help but have a little anxiety about it.
I'm notnsure what today will hold besides a lot of driving. We are making a trip to the Arkansas border to drop off q laid of highway dividers. The Lord provided this job for us and we are very excited! We thought the dump trucks would see more work but it's been too wet for them to work. At least with this job you can haul whether it's raining or not! This is a good thing since we are getting rain this next week. The other thing is we need money comng in badly! I pray the Lrd gives us more work than we can handle!
Well this is a short one because I'm getting carsick as I'm typing this going down the road. If time permits I'll get back on later and let you know how the day went! My prayers are with you all!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I'm notnsure what today will hold besides a lot of driving. We are making a trip to the Arkansas border to drop off q laid of highway dividers. The Lord provided this job for us and we are very excited! We thought the dump trucks would see more work but it's been too wet for them to work. At least with this job you can haul whether it's raining or not! This is a good thing since we are getting rain this next week. The other thing is we need money comng in badly! I pray the Lrd gives us more work than we can handle!
Well this is a short one because I'm getting carsick as I'm typing this going down the road. If time permits I'll get back on later and let you know how the day went! My prayers are with you all!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Write Me A New Love Song...
Write me a new love song.
Sing to me gently.
Walk with me always.
Tell that You love me.
I remember the days I was so in love with You.
Now I’ve wandered afar and I don’t know how to get back to You.
I remember the sweetness of Your embrace,
Reading Your Word so I could see You face to face.
Why did I travel away from You?
I know that’s never what I should do.
The Words You whisper to me are oh so sweet.
I’m so love sick I drop to my knees.
You are the air I need to breathe.
You cleanse me from what lies underneath.
Amazing is Your love for me.
I often wonder how it could be.
I need Your grace so that I might live.
I long for the peace You freely give.
You pour Your mercy down on me
How great is my Lord and how awesome is He
I write to You a new love song
I will sing it to You gently
I will walk with You always
As You tell me how much You love me
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Sing to me gently.
Walk with me always.
Tell that You love me.
I remember the days I was so in love with You.
Now I’ve wandered afar and I don’t know how to get back to You.
I remember the sweetness of Your embrace,
Reading Your Word so I could see You face to face.
Why did I travel away from You?
I know that’s never what I should do.
The Words You whisper to me are oh so sweet.
I’m so love sick I drop to my knees.
You are the air I need to breathe.
You cleanse me from what lies underneath.
Amazing is Your love for me.
I often wonder how it could be.
I need Your grace so that I might live.
I long for the peace You freely give.
You pour Your mercy down on me
How great is my Lord and how awesome is He
I write to You a new love song
I will sing it to You gently
I will walk with You always
As You tell me how much You love me
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Build Your House on The Rock!
Well I went to my first doctor’s appointment to check on the growth of my pre-cancer cell growth, if there is any or if the pre-cancer cells are gone. I’m praying for a good outcome since last year they seemed to be eradicated. However, that’s not to say I’m not nervous about this year’s test results. If I get a clean bill of health then I won’t have to go for another check up for three years which is exciting! But if the abnormal cell growth has started again we are going to have to start looking at other options. It will mean the D&C only worked temporarily and I’m not sure what my next option would be. I have been praying hard core about this. I’m tired of biopsies and the continuous checkups but it’s not like I can’t have them. To do that would be sticking my head in the sand and possibly bringing me to the point of chemo and radiation which is the last thing I want. It is a very real threat! So please pray with me that there is no new growth but most importantly that God’s will be worked out in my life.
In other news, Friday night Danny and I (with Rick and Kathy) went to the state fair. We always go back there because it’s where we first met and where we got engaged. I can’t believe it’s been eleven years! In some ways the years have flown by in and other ways crawled by, both in good ways and in bad ways. We have made it through more stuff than most couples I know. Our marriage is strong and still filled with the same love. I guess it’s not the same love because we are stronger now than we’ve ever been. That’s not to say it hasn’t had its complications but we have weathered the storms and come out on the shining side. Some people have regrets of some sorts, but not me. He still gives me butterflies after all these years! I know I am a very blessed person to have him in my life. God never ceases to amaze me, that He could make a love as strong as ours. We are truly soul mates. We had a great time at the fair and had way too much food, but the point in going is to remember the love we found.
Saturday was an action packed day. Ciara had a volleyball tournament that lasted most of the day. I got up early and ran to Wal-Mart to buy various fruits for the girls to snack on during the day. I bought way too much and ended up taking it with me to church today. Ciara played well even though she missed all but one practice this past week because she was sick. She’s got a nasty floor burn on her knee when she was diving for the ball and forgot to pull up her knee pads. The girls have a phenomenal coach! Jean, our pastor’s wife, coaches them and she is such an encouraging coach even when they are playing badly. They only won one game but I think they did good considering they are a first year team. The school has never had a volleyball team before so they are all still young in their learning. Ciara seems to really enjoy it and has already said she’s going out for the team again next year. She did get pretty bummed because her dad didn’t come to the games. He has yet to come to one of her games and it really hurts her. However, me, my mom, and grandma were there to cheer her on and that seemed to make it better. My ex-husband decided to go to a football game instead and Ciara said that let her know where she stood with him. My heart went out to her as she cried her tears. There wasn’t much I could do for her, but let her know she had every right to be mad and sad and that there was no shame in her tears. She did perk up as the night wore on and she ended up staying the night with us because my ex went out and partied after the game. He’ll regret all these things he’s missed one day.
As for today, I’m not sure what it’s going to hold. We went to church this morning and had a great teaching lesson. Don taught out of Matthew 7:24-29. Where do we build our house? Are we like the wise man who built his house on The Rock, or the foolish man who built his house on the sand? I’ve heard this passage taught so many times, but never before like it was taught today. It was profound! We are going to be studying Matthew 5-7, The Sermon on the Mount, for an indefinite time and trying to memorize the entire section! A hard thing to do, but doable with God. I learned much today and was touched deeply. God continues to work on me and teach me new things daily. I guess that’s what should happen as you walk with Him. The one thing that saddens me is I’m not the devoted child of God that I should be. I still live in rebellion, I don’t do my daily study time, and I put Him on the back burner too much. I take for granted that He will be there when I’m ready to come to Him, rather than staying with Him throughout the day and letting Him handle everything that comes my way. I prayed today that God would begin a new work in me and to set me afire again. I want to burn with a passion that is unquenchable! I want to be so totally in love with Him that I can’t breathe without Him. All these things I desire to be, but He won’t do it alone. I must come to Him, emptied of myself, and willing to be filled with all of Him.
Well I’m pretty sure I’ll get back on here and write again today, but for the moment I need to go get me some lunch. Danny is sick again today. He woke up throwing up so I’m assuming he has some stomach bug. That man is sick more than any other person I know! It may be nerves because the work is slow coming in and we’ve about depleted our bank account . So please pray with us that the Lord will provide us with work, more than we can handle! Pray He pours out His blessings upon us to where our cup runs over. Also be in prayer for me because I go back to my other doctors this week with the possibility of changing my depression medicine. I am certain I want to be off of one of my prescriptions because it’s making me gain so much weight. It’s an unhealthy weight! So pray that the depression doesn’t come on strong but that the Lord would deliver me from it. Pray the doctor can find the right combination of medicine to make me not depressed, yet still at a healthy weight. Thank you for your prayers in advance and know that I pray for you as well. Also if you have prayer request let me know so I can lift them up for you and if you want I’ll put them on our church’s prayer list. Be strong in Him and keep the faith. Don’t live your life for today, but live it as though you are reaching for eternity. Live and love in Him and may you be the richer for it!!! Peace and grace be with you!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
In other news, Friday night Danny and I (with Rick and Kathy) went to the state fair. We always go back there because it’s where we first met and where we got engaged. I can’t believe it’s been eleven years! In some ways the years have flown by in and other ways crawled by, both in good ways and in bad ways. We have made it through more stuff than most couples I know. Our marriage is strong and still filled with the same love. I guess it’s not the same love because we are stronger now than we’ve ever been. That’s not to say it hasn’t had its complications but we have weathered the storms and come out on the shining side. Some people have regrets of some sorts, but not me. He still gives me butterflies after all these years! I know I am a very blessed person to have him in my life. God never ceases to amaze me, that He could make a love as strong as ours. We are truly soul mates. We had a great time at the fair and had way too much food, but the point in going is to remember the love we found.
Saturday was an action packed day. Ciara had a volleyball tournament that lasted most of the day. I got up early and ran to Wal-Mart to buy various fruits for the girls to snack on during the day. I bought way too much and ended up taking it with me to church today. Ciara played well even though she missed all but one practice this past week because she was sick. She’s got a nasty floor burn on her knee when she was diving for the ball and forgot to pull up her knee pads. The girls have a phenomenal coach! Jean, our pastor’s wife, coaches them and she is such an encouraging coach even when they are playing badly. They only won one game but I think they did good considering they are a first year team. The school has never had a volleyball team before so they are all still young in their learning. Ciara seems to really enjoy it and has already said she’s going out for the team again next year. She did get pretty bummed because her dad didn’t come to the games. He has yet to come to one of her games and it really hurts her. However, me, my mom, and grandma were there to cheer her on and that seemed to make it better. My ex-husband decided to go to a football game instead and Ciara said that let her know where she stood with him. My heart went out to her as she cried her tears. There wasn’t much I could do for her, but let her know she had every right to be mad and sad and that there was no shame in her tears. She did perk up as the night wore on and she ended up staying the night with us because my ex went out and partied after the game. He’ll regret all these things he’s missed one day.
As for today, I’m not sure what it’s going to hold. We went to church this morning and had a great teaching lesson. Don taught out of Matthew 7:24-29. Where do we build our house? Are we like the wise man who built his house on The Rock, or the foolish man who built his house on the sand? I’ve heard this passage taught so many times, but never before like it was taught today. It was profound! We are going to be studying Matthew 5-7, The Sermon on the Mount, for an indefinite time and trying to memorize the entire section! A hard thing to do, but doable with God. I learned much today and was touched deeply. God continues to work on me and teach me new things daily. I guess that’s what should happen as you walk with Him. The one thing that saddens me is I’m not the devoted child of God that I should be. I still live in rebellion, I don’t do my daily study time, and I put Him on the back burner too much. I take for granted that He will be there when I’m ready to come to Him, rather than staying with Him throughout the day and letting Him handle everything that comes my way. I prayed today that God would begin a new work in me and to set me afire again. I want to burn with a passion that is unquenchable! I want to be so totally in love with Him that I can’t breathe without Him. All these things I desire to be, but He won’t do it alone. I must come to Him, emptied of myself, and willing to be filled with all of Him.
Well I’m pretty sure I’ll get back on here and write again today, but for the moment I need to go get me some lunch. Danny is sick again today. He woke up throwing up so I’m assuming he has some stomach bug. That man is sick more than any other person I know! It may be nerves because the work is slow coming in and we’ve about depleted our bank account . So please pray with us that the Lord will provide us with work, more than we can handle! Pray He pours out His blessings upon us to where our cup runs over. Also be in prayer for me because I go back to my other doctors this week with the possibility of changing my depression medicine. I am certain I want to be off of one of my prescriptions because it’s making me gain so much weight. It’s an unhealthy weight! So pray that the depression doesn’t come on strong but that the Lord would deliver me from it. Pray the doctor can find the right combination of medicine to make me not depressed, yet still at a healthy weight. Thank you for your prayers in advance and know that I pray for you as well. Also if you have prayer request let me know so I can lift them up for you and if you want I’ll put them on our church’s prayer list. Be strong in Him and keep the faith. Don’t live your life for today, but live it as though you are reaching for eternity. Live and love in Him and may you be the richer for it!!! Peace and grace be with you!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
'Tis the Season....For Doctor's
It’s that time of year again when I go to all my different doctor’s and get my check-ups. I really don’t like this time of year but it’s necessary. I’m hoping one of the doctor’s can tell me why I seem to be gaining so much weight. I started gaining weight after I had my gallbladder taken out and I’ve never hit a plateau. My mom was working on my fingernails and toenails and she said they showed signs of my thyroid being slow. I hope this isn’t the case because once you start on thyroid medicine you can never get off of it. However, I’m not eating any different than I use to and I’ve even cut back on my calorie intake, but the weight is still piling on. I feel fat, I look fat, I just feel gross. I also haven’t seen Anita in over a month, since my eye surgery, and I have so much to tell her. I need to see my eye doctor to make sure the second surgery was a success and I need to see my physiatrist to make sure my medicine is where it should be. I also am going to bring up the dreams I keep having and hopefully one of them will have an answer for what’s going on.
Money is starting to get tight again and it’s back to me hating to pay bills. It’s what I need to do today, but I just dread it. The work from Danny’s business is slow coming in. We have several contracts but it’s been too wet to work. I’m beginning to see how much the weather plays a factor in this kind of work and I wonder what will happen come winter time. It makes me so nervous! This also means I have to start curbing my buying habits. It’s so hard working in freight and seeing all these cute clothes come in and to say no to buying them. I need more self-control. That’s easier said than done, as I already have a stash back in the backroom to buy. I only need a few more things to complete my winter wardrobe but it’s getting to the point that I can’t determine whether it’s a need or a want. Sigh…I get so frustrated with myself!
I’ve fallen off the wagon and bought me a pack of cigarettes. I’m so mad at myself!!! The good news is they taste horrible. The only reason I can think that caused the trigger is all the changes that started coming on here lately. I’m not trying to make excuses for myself, because I, myself, am trying to figure out what caused the set back. It even feels weird to be smoking. But I’m getting back on the patch and hopefully stay quit for good this time. This is harder than I ever would have thought. I know the Holy Spirit wants me to be smoke-free and I’m trying to live in His will. I’m praying this starts to get easier and I won’t cave at the slightest change in life.
Well I guess I better go and get to work. I just had a few minutes on my hands and I thought I might as well blog. It’s my stress releaser lol!!! Anayah is still doing well and the dogs are really falling in love with her. I’m still having the bad and crazy dreams and I would give anything for a good night’s rest. My neck is still hurting me and I still think I might have a touch of whiplash. Ciara is still sick but should be able to go back to school tomorrow. I will force myself to sit down later and do all the bills for this month whether I want to or not. So much to do and I have plenty of time to do it, so why am I so tired? I’m getting plenty of sleep, albeit not good sleep, but still I just feel blah. Anyway I really do have to go. I pray the Lord shines His countenance on you and blesses you beyond anything you could expect. He is a good God all the time and His love endures forever!!! Praise Him for His goodness!!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Money is starting to get tight again and it’s back to me hating to pay bills. It’s what I need to do today, but I just dread it. The work from Danny’s business is slow coming in. We have several contracts but it’s been too wet to work. I’m beginning to see how much the weather plays a factor in this kind of work and I wonder what will happen come winter time. It makes me so nervous! This also means I have to start curbing my buying habits. It’s so hard working in freight and seeing all these cute clothes come in and to say no to buying them. I need more self-control. That’s easier said than done, as I already have a stash back in the backroom to buy. I only need a few more things to complete my winter wardrobe but it’s getting to the point that I can’t determine whether it’s a need or a want. Sigh…I get so frustrated with myself!
I’ve fallen off the wagon and bought me a pack of cigarettes. I’m so mad at myself!!! The good news is they taste horrible. The only reason I can think that caused the trigger is all the changes that started coming on here lately. I’m not trying to make excuses for myself, because I, myself, am trying to figure out what caused the set back. It even feels weird to be smoking. But I’m getting back on the patch and hopefully stay quit for good this time. This is harder than I ever would have thought. I know the Holy Spirit wants me to be smoke-free and I’m trying to live in His will. I’m praying this starts to get easier and I won’t cave at the slightest change in life.
Well I guess I better go and get to work. I just had a few minutes on my hands and I thought I might as well blog. It’s my stress releaser lol!!! Anayah is still doing well and the dogs are really falling in love with her. I’m still having the bad and crazy dreams and I would give anything for a good night’s rest. My neck is still hurting me and I still think I might have a touch of whiplash. Ciara is still sick but should be able to go back to school tomorrow. I will force myself to sit down later and do all the bills for this month whether I want to or not. So much to do and I have plenty of time to do it, so why am I so tired? I’m getting plenty of sleep, albeit not good sleep, but still I just feel blah. Anyway I really do have to go. I pray the Lord shines His countenance on you and blesses you beyond anything you could expect. He is a good God all the time and His love endures forever!!! Praise Him for His goodness!!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Monday, September 13, 2010
An Issue I'm Not Resolving...
I seem to have an issue that I’m not resolving. I am angry at a person that hurt me with words and spread lies about me to people that are dear to me. This happened a couple of months ago but I can’t seem to shake my anger. I’ve try praying about it, turning it over to God, but I keep taking it back. I know forgiveness is a choice that we have to make for ourselves and it’s for our own good to forgive. But my heart is angry and it feels justified in being that way. What this person did is very wrong and they claim that they love me, but they sure have a bad way of showing it. In any case there could be a possibility that I might see this person soon. I have avoided them at all cost because I’m scared that what I have to say won’t be nice at all. So I’m in a quandary of what to do. I need to go to this event or possible event and I do want to go, but this one person puts a damper on all of it. I know, I know, forgive; but it’s just not that easy. I mean I’m sure it is that easy, but for me I can’t seem to overcome that hurdle.
I woke up to Ciara being sick again today. She’s running a fever and sounds just awful. All she’s done all day is laid on the couch and slept. I hate for her to miss school again so soon but what are you going to do. She’s been eating soup and ice cream and all that good stuff. She’s still running a low fever and I’ve been giving her Tylenol but it’s not bringing it down all the way. If she still feels bad tomorrow I’ll have to call the doctor and have him check her out to see what’s wrong with her. But I’m praying it won’t come to that and that she will begin to feel better.
I’m going to be pretty busy coming up here pretty soon. I have to go for my yearly “exam” (cough cough) and I’m not looking forward to it. I am praying that I finally get a clean bill of health and that none of the pre-cancer cells have come back. I also need to go see my psychiatrist, Misty, for a check-up and also Anita. I haven’t seen Misty in six months so it’s time to revisit my meds and I’m going to talk to her about those crazy dreams I’ve been having. I have so much to tell Anita it’s not even funny!! I haven’t talked to her since before the little fender bender where the scammers tried to pull a quick one on me. I still haven’t heard back from the insurance people and I pray I don’t. I hope that thing is behind me now.
Today we had a little going away party for Natalie and Allison. I got them both a cake and I couldn’t help but cry. I also found out today another one of our assistant managers is leaving. She just had her first grandbaby and she wants to start babysitting her new granddaughter. I can’t say I blame her, but we’re losing so many people so very fast. Now I’m having dreams about that!! I will miss them all so very much! Life changes oh so very fast. In a blink what was “normal” is gone and new things are to come. The only thing I can take comfort in is I know I’m standing in God’s will so He only has good things for me and for them also.
I guess I’m going to get off here now. I’m a little hungry and very thirsty. I need to see if Ciara needs anything and then I think I’m just going to veg. Danny’s still working down at his mom’s house so the house is pretty quiet. I pray that the Lord gave you a great day and that all is going well with you. I think I’ll take a little nap for a while. It sounds good right now….
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I woke up to Ciara being sick again today. She’s running a fever and sounds just awful. All she’s done all day is laid on the couch and slept. I hate for her to miss school again so soon but what are you going to do. She’s been eating soup and ice cream and all that good stuff. She’s still running a low fever and I’ve been giving her Tylenol but it’s not bringing it down all the way. If she still feels bad tomorrow I’ll have to call the doctor and have him check her out to see what’s wrong with her. But I’m praying it won’t come to that and that she will begin to feel better.
I’m going to be pretty busy coming up here pretty soon. I have to go for my yearly “exam” (cough cough) and I’m not looking forward to it. I am praying that I finally get a clean bill of health and that none of the pre-cancer cells have come back. I also need to go see my psychiatrist, Misty, for a check-up and also Anita. I haven’t seen Misty in six months so it’s time to revisit my meds and I’m going to talk to her about those crazy dreams I’ve been having. I have so much to tell Anita it’s not even funny!! I haven’t talked to her since before the little fender bender where the scammers tried to pull a quick one on me. I still haven’t heard back from the insurance people and I pray I don’t. I hope that thing is behind me now.
Today we had a little going away party for Natalie and Allison. I got them both a cake and I couldn’t help but cry. I also found out today another one of our assistant managers is leaving. She just had her first grandbaby and she wants to start babysitting her new granddaughter. I can’t say I blame her, but we’re losing so many people so very fast. Now I’m having dreams about that!! I will miss them all so very much! Life changes oh so very fast. In a blink what was “normal” is gone and new things are to come. The only thing I can take comfort in is I know I’m standing in God’s will so He only has good things for me and for them also.
I guess I’m going to get off here now. I’m a little hungry and very thirsty. I need to see if Ciara needs anything and then I think I’m just going to veg. Danny’s still working down at his mom’s house so the house is pretty quiet. I pray that the Lord gave you a great day and that all is going well with you. I think I’ll take a little nap for a while. It sounds good right now….
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Kid's Toys Are For Kids!!!
Well things are always changing and I’m realizing how much it scares me and how much I hate it. I learned this week that both my manager and assistant manager are leaving. The manager is just tired of all the long hours and desires to have a normal schedule, which I can’t blame her for. The assistant manager was offered a full time job as a pharmacy tech and she wants to be a pharmacist so she would be crazy to pass up this job offer! However, on my part I can honest say they are the best bosses I’ve ever had! When Natalie and Allison told me they were leaving I could help the tears that came to my eyes. When I get off here I’m going to be making them cakes (if I don’t decide to go buy one lol) for their going away party tomorrow.
In other news Friday night Ricky, Kathy, and I went to Oktoberfest in Choctaw. The food was amazing and the beer was pretty good too! I didn’t drink too much, but enough to be on the verge of silly. There was this blow up obstacle course for kids to go on and Kathy and I decided to race on it. There were tubes to get through and over and at the very end there were these collapsible blown up stairs. I was almost to the top and one of the stairs gave out and I did three flips and landed on my head! It was like there was an explosion in my head! I knew I would be in so much pain the next day! Well I didn’t even have to wait until the next day because as we were heading home my neck started getting stiff and my head was throbbing. So I went to bed but didn’t sleep well because I kept dreaming that I was in a car accident and was hurt so bad and couldn’t get any treatment. Anyway I was finally able to get some medicine yesterday and I slept without dreaming last night which was a nice change! The headache is a little better but it really feels like I’ve got a bad case of whiplash! I’m going to try to get into the doctor tomorrow and see what he has to say about it.
Saturday, even though I was in a great amount of pain, was so much fun. It’s that time of year for Harrah Daze and it’s a little carnival out where we live (really close to our church). Our church decided to set up a little tent and did free bracelet making and face painting. Since I’m not crafty this was a big step outside of my comfort zone. They set me up on the bracelet making and I have to confess I was so nervous. They are just little kids and they can’t hurt me, but I was nervous none the less. At one point our face painters took a short break when no kids had been coming up and they had only been gone for a few minutes and kids started showing up wanting their faces painted. So I swallowed my fear and got up, praying that the kids wouldn’t want anything too difficult. One girl wanted hearts and another one wanted a snail and so forth and so on. I have to say the things I painted on didn’t look great lol. Painting is just not my thing. I do well to color inside the lines! In any case I stayed for a few hours and had to leave because I was hurting so bad. But it was still a great time of fellowship and outreach and I pray we get some new members out of it.
Today was a really neat day! Kelly Bales was made a deacon! I have thought for a long time now he needed to be in a leadership position, but those kinds of decisions aren’t up to me. Anyway, Don gave the greatest lesson on leadership in the church and what it should entail and what it should never be. It was very informative and heart touching. I pray the Lord blesses Kelly and Pat as they embark on this journey and that our church will flourish from his work! He is a great man and a wonderful friend and our lives are richer for having them in it. Afterwards we had a great fellowship dinner with tons of good food! When I finished cleaning up I headed home to do some cleaning here although it’s the last thing I wanted to do. I came in the house and Kathy had cleaned the house while I was at church!!! I was embarrassed and thankful all at the same time. She is a great friend and I cherish her! So I decided since the kitchen was clean and the floor vacuumed that I would do some laundry. I stripped beds and washed some much needed sheets and blankets and they are almost done as we speak! Everyone will have clean bed clothes tonight! Yay!
I guess I need to get off here and contemplate making these cakes. I am also thinking about going and buying them at the store so I can just take another nap. This medicine has made me sleepy and I’m still hurting so bad. What I learned this weekend is kid’s toys are for kids and grown-ups should watch and cheer on from afar. I’m no longer a young one that can do those kinds of things without getting hurt obviously. It seemed like a fun idea at the time, but in the end it was a dumb idea, not to mention flat dangerous. The next big thing coming up is the anniversary of Danny and I meeting and getting engaged! All of this happened at our state fair and so we’re going there next weekend to celebrate! I’m so excited! Well this isn’t getting anything done and I need to see if I can get CC to rub my neck for a bit. May the Lord bless you and keep and pour out His great love on you!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
In other news Friday night Ricky, Kathy, and I went to Oktoberfest in Choctaw. The food was amazing and the beer was pretty good too! I didn’t drink too much, but enough to be on the verge of silly. There was this blow up obstacle course for kids to go on and Kathy and I decided to race on it. There were tubes to get through and over and at the very end there were these collapsible blown up stairs. I was almost to the top and one of the stairs gave out and I did three flips and landed on my head! It was like there was an explosion in my head! I knew I would be in so much pain the next day! Well I didn’t even have to wait until the next day because as we were heading home my neck started getting stiff and my head was throbbing. So I went to bed but didn’t sleep well because I kept dreaming that I was in a car accident and was hurt so bad and couldn’t get any treatment. Anyway I was finally able to get some medicine yesterday and I slept without dreaming last night which was a nice change! The headache is a little better but it really feels like I’ve got a bad case of whiplash! I’m going to try to get into the doctor tomorrow and see what he has to say about it.
Saturday, even though I was in a great amount of pain, was so much fun. It’s that time of year for Harrah Daze and it’s a little carnival out where we live (really close to our church). Our church decided to set up a little tent and did free bracelet making and face painting. Since I’m not crafty this was a big step outside of my comfort zone. They set me up on the bracelet making and I have to confess I was so nervous. They are just little kids and they can’t hurt me, but I was nervous none the less. At one point our face painters took a short break when no kids had been coming up and they had only been gone for a few minutes and kids started showing up wanting their faces painted. So I swallowed my fear and got up, praying that the kids wouldn’t want anything too difficult. One girl wanted hearts and another one wanted a snail and so forth and so on. I have to say the things I painted on didn’t look great lol. Painting is just not my thing. I do well to color inside the lines! In any case I stayed for a few hours and had to leave because I was hurting so bad. But it was still a great time of fellowship and outreach and I pray we get some new members out of it.
Today was a really neat day! Kelly Bales was made a deacon! I have thought for a long time now he needed to be in a leadership position, but those kinds of decisions aren’t up to me. Anyway, Don gave the greatest lesson on leadership in the church and what it should entail and what it should never be. It was very informative and heart touching. I pray the Lord blesses Kelly and Pat as they embark on this journey and that our church will flourish from his work! He is a great man and a wonderful friend and our lives are richer for having them in it. Afterwards we had a great fellowship dinner with tons of good food! When I finished cleaning up I headed home to do some cleaning here although it’s the last thing I wanted to do. I came in the house and Kathy had cleaned the house while I was at church!!! I was embarrassed and thankful all at the same time. She is a great friend and I cherish her! So I decided since the kitchen was clean and the floor vacuumed that I would do some laundry. I stripped beds and washed some much needed sheets and blankets and they are almost done as we speak! Everyone will have clean bed clothes tonight! Yay!
I guess I need to get off here and contemplate making these cakes. I am also thinking about going and buying them at the store so I can just take another nap. This medicine has made me sleepy and I’m still hurting so bad. What I learned this weekend is kid’s toys are for kids and grown-ups should watch and cheer on from afar. I’m no longer a young one that can do those kinds of things without getting hurt obviously. It seemed like a fun idea at the time, but in the end it was a dumb idea, not to mention flat dangerous. The next big thing coming up is the anniversary of Danny and I meeting and getting engaged! All of this happened at our state fair and so we’re going there next weekend to celebrate! I’m so excited! Well this isn’t getting anything done and I need to see if I can get CC to rub my neck for a bit. May the Lord bless you and keep and pour out His great love on you!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Thursday, September 9, 2010
I Need More Of God And Less Of Me...
There are so many times I wonder why God takes us down a certain path. Not that it’s within my right to question Him, but some of these paths I’m just so unsure of. I can’t seem to shake my dreams in the night; they hold me captive through the day. There are just some dreams that don’t let go of you. I was telling Ciara last night of my dreams and she thinks God is trying to tell me something. I told her these dreams are not of God. They are too frightening to be of Him. Our God is a God of love and perfect love casts out all fear. So does this mean I’m not perfecting myself in His love? I’m not sure. I pray at night that God would come meet me in my dreams, yet it doesn’t happen. All too often I fall asleep during my prayers, leaving me feeling guilty that I feel asleep on God. Yet I find a certain peace talking to Him. I think I do too much talking and not enough listening.
One thing I know is I must start getting some good rest. I seem to wake up at 3 a.m. every morning and it gets so frustrating. Here the past couple of days when I wake up at that time I take Anayah out to the bathroom. I don’t pray when I come back in; although I should because that seems to be when the worst of the dreams start. I’m tired of fighting sleep and fighting in my sleep. I just want to rest! I remember when I would wake myself up laughing or with a smile on my face because I had the greatest dream. I find that I go through times in my life that the dreams are either all good or all bad but rarely a good mix of both. There are times I wake up and I’m so ashamed of my dream and what they held that I’m sure in some way that I was sinning against God.
What I’m missing right now in my life is the power of the almighty Holy Spirit. I can’t feel the light of God shining on me and that leaves me so dark. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not going down the path of depression again (I don’t think anyway). I just don’t feel alive in Him. I keep telling myself to start my prayer journaling again and to start reading my Bible again and do some major studying. I don’t know why I don’t do it, I just don’t. I want to be saturated with God. I feel convicted that I spend so much time looking up meaningful names for my dogs, yet I don’t study His Word as I should. If I can pour that much of myself into researching dog names, then why can’t I pour that much energy into reading and absorbing His Word. The conviction I feel right now is so overwhelming.
I wrote a poem a while back called “I Need A Change Of Heart” and that is what I truly need. I want my life to be a testimony of His great love and grace. I want my life to scream that I am a beloved child of God, yet I don’t know that it does. I love my Lord, I truly do, but does my life testify to that love? Surely I don’t love Him enough or I would be pouring myself into His Word. Am I just giving lip service and not walking His path? I pray not. I know one thing; these dreams are driving me to my knees in prayer that they won’t come each night. But I should be driven to my knees everyday in daily prayer. I fall so short and am so imperfect that it saddens me to the very core. I know the evil one is to blame for this because God is not a God Who wants you to beat yourself up. Christ is gentle in His correction and only corrects out of love.
I’ve wrote all this to say simply; I need more of God and less of me. It is my fervent prayer that He pours all of Himself into me and takes anything that remains in me and changes it into the very image of Christ. I want to please God with my heart, mind, and soul. I don’t want to be the child that says something yet does nothing. I’m sure this is the prayer of many, but it is so heartfelt. I guess I need to get off of here and start doing what I’m writing about. All this writing doesn’t gain me a thing if I don’t do something about it. Please be in prayer that the Lord will show Himself to me in a mighty way, albeit gently lol. I long to walk hand in hand with Him again and hide myself in the protection of His wings. May the Lord bless us all today and may we see His mighty hand at work in all of our lives. He is a good God all the time. He longs to bring peace to me and I long to receive it. I pray for His grace and mercy, which are new every morning, to be poured out on all of us. As I pray for you, pray for me also.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
One thing I know is I must start getting some good rest. I seem to wake up at 3 a.m. every morning and it gets so frustrating. Here the past couple of days when I wake up at that time I take Anayah out to the bathroom. I don’t pray when I come back in; although I should because that seems to be when the worst of the dreams start. I’m tired of fighting sleep and fighting in my sleep. I just want to rest! I remember when I would wake myself up laughing or with a smile on my face because I had the greatest dream. I find that I go through times in my life that the dreams are either all good or all bad but rarely a good mix of both. There are times I wake up and I’m so ashamed of my dream and what they held that I’m sure in some way that I was sinning against God.
What I’m missing right now in my life is the power of the almighty Holy Spirit. I can’t feel the light of God shining on me and that leaves me so dark. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not going down the path of depression again (I don’t think anyway). I just don’t feel alive in Him. I keep telling myself to start my prayer journaling again and to start reading my Bible again and do some major studying. I don’t know why I don’t do it, I just don’t. I want to be saturated with God. I feel convicted that I spend so much time looking up meaningful names for my dogs, yet I don’t study His Word as I should. If I can pour that much of myself into researching dog names, then why can’t I pour that much energy into reading and absorbing His Word. The conviction I feel right now is so overwhelming.
I wrote a poem a while back called “I Need A Change Of Heart” and that is what I truly need. I want my life to be a testimony of His great love and grace. I want my life to scream that I am a beloved child of God, yet I don’t know that it does. I love my Lord, I truly do, but does my life testify to that love? Surely I don’t love Him enough or I would be pouring myself into His Word. Am I just giving lip service and not walking His path? I pray not. I know one thing; these dreams are driving me to my knees in prayer that they won’t come each night. But I should be driven to my knees everyday in daily prayer. I fall so short and am so imperfect that it saddens me to the very core. I know the evil one is to blame for this because God is not a God Who wants you to beat yourself up. Christ is gentle in His correction and only corrects out of love.
I’ve wrote all this to say simply; I need more of God and less of me. It is my fervent prayer that He pours all of Himself into me and takes anything that remains in me and changes it into the very image of Christ. I want to please God with my heart, mind, and soul. I don’t want to be the child that says something yet does nothing. I’m sure this is the prayer of many, but it is so heartfelt. I guess I need to get off of here and start doing what I’m writing about. All this writing doesn’t gain me a thing if I don’t do something about it. Please be in prayer that the Lord will show Himself to me in a mighty way, albeit gently lol. I long to walk hand in hand with Him again and hide myself in the protection of His wings. May the Lord bless us all today and may we see His mighty hand at work in all of our lives. He is a good God all the time. He longs to bring peace to me and I long to receive it. I pray for His grace and mercy, which are new every morning, to be poured out on all of us. As I pray for you, pray for me also.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Help Me Fight The Dark...
It’s three a.m. and I’m wide awake
With memories of dreams I just can’t shake
All these emotions course through me
Of my life and what it should be
What keeps me hostage in these nightmares
Doing things I would never dare
I’m ashamed of myself in so many ways
These nights hold me captive; I long for the day
Why do they keep me in their grasp so tight
Leaving me with dark demons I try to fight
These nights seem to last all too long
And the days are too quickly gone
Morning star come shine on me
Vanquishing all these horrible dreams
The dawn can’t come for me too soon
Chained in these dreams will be my doom
Lord, cradle me in reveries so sweet
I don’t know how much longer I can feel this defeat
Rock me gently in the night
Find me resting in the soft moon’s light
Help me fight the dark and bring me peace
Help me fight the dark, help these dreams cease
Melissa Fitzwilliam
With memories of dreams I just can’t shake
All these emotions course through me
Of my life and what it should be
What keeps me hostage in these nightmares
Doing things I would never dare
I’m ashamed of myself in so many ways
These nights hold me captive; I long for the day
Why do they keep me in their grasp so tight
Leaving me with dark demons I try to fight
These nights seem to last all too long
And the days are too quickly gone
Morning star come shine on me
Vanquishing all these horrible dreams
The dawn can’t come for me too soon
Chained in these dreams will be my doom
Lord, cradle me in reveries so sweet
I don’t know how much longer I can feel this defeat
Rock me gently in the night
Find me resting in the soft moon’s light
Help me fight the dark and bring me peace
Help me fight the dark, help these dreams cease
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Remind Me Why You Love Me...
Remind me why You love me…
I’m such a wretched sinner
I don’t sing Your praises enough
I fall asleep in my prayers
I forget about Your blessings
Remind me why You love me…
You love me because I’m a forgiven sinner
You love me because I sing Your praises
You love me because I pray
You love me because I know You bless me
Remind me why You love me…
I don’t show Your love often enough
I’m not convicted enough of my sin
I don’t always walk Your path
I forget to say I love You
Remind me why You love me…
You love me because I do show Your love
You love me because I am convicted of my sin
You love me because I do walk Your path
You love me because I do say I love You
Remind me why You love me…
I’ll never be perfect
But You didn’t ask for my perfection
I’ll never love enough, but
You love me because You are love
You love me in spite of me
And for that I love You
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I’m such a wretched sinner
I don’t sing Your praises enough
I fall asleep in my prayers
I forget about Your blessings
Remind me why You love me…
You love me because I’m a forgiven sinner
You love me because I sing Your praises
You love me because I pray
You love me because I know You bless me
Remind me why You love me…
I don’t show Your love often enough
I’m not convicted enough of my sin
I don’t always walk Your path
I forget to say I love You
Remind me why You love me…
You love me because I do show Your love
You love me because I am convicted of my sin
You love me because I do walk Your path
You love me because I do say I love You
Remind me why You love me…
I’ll never be perfect
But You didn’t ask for my perfection
I’ll never love enough, but
You love me because You are love
You love me in spite of me
And for that I love You
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Dreams...
I guess I’ll start with the thing that’s bothering me the most. I just wrote a poem about it but it needs details. I’ve been having the craziest, most disturbing, dreams lately. I’m dreaming of loved ones that have passed away or are no longer in my life. I can see them, hear them, feel them and often I awake in tears. I think of my aunt, my uncle, and other loved ones that have gone on home to be with the Lord and I don’t know why I’m dreaming of them all of a sudden. And it’s not just that. I’m having violent dreams that are so disturbing. I dream of car accidents that are all too real that leave my heart pounding. Last night I dreamed that I was spanking Ciara so horribly because she had misbehaved. I dream that Danny leaves me, that for some reason we are no longer together, and when I wake up I’m in tears. I have to reach over and feel that he’s still there to know I was just dreaming because they are just so real. I also awake not knowing where I am. The scariest ones are when I can’t remember who I am. It’s like I wake up with amnesia. It takes a few minutes to remember I’m married, I have daughters, and that I am ok. I don’t know what’s making me dream all this crazy stuff but I wish restful dreams would find me again. I’m so tired anymore because I’m just not sleeping well. You know how you feel when you dream all night and you wake up tired because it feels like you haven’t rested at all. Well that’s me lately. I could go on and on about this, but I won’t, but it was something I just needed to get off my chest.
I had my eye surgery and I am seeing better now. It feels so good to be able to blog again! So much happens in between blogs that I can’t remember it all when it comes time to update everyone on what’s happened. The eye surgery was particularly painful this time. I don’t know if it’s because my eyes weren’t totally recovered from the last surgery, but I pray everything heals properly this time and that I need no more in the future. I slept for days because your eyes feel so tired and the pain medicine does a good job at helping you sleep too. I still am not smoking and occasionally I want one but I don’t cave in to the temptation. I’m still wearing the patch to quit smoking but I don’t wear when I sleep (otherwise I would think I was having all those crazy dreams because of that). I go back for an eye check up in two weeks but everything seems to be going along well.
I did get Anayah finally!!! She is so stinking adorable. We are starting the potty training days all over again and I forget how much I hated those days. The other night she went over and peed on Danny’s side of the bed and he was so mad to wake up in her little puddle and he went to sleep on the couch because we didn’t have any clean bed sheets for me to change the bed. Needless to say I did some laundry and we have clean sheets on the bed now. In the beginning Asher really didn’t like her but now both he and Elowyn are warming up to her and playing with her now. I did have a dream that I got two more females (an American cream and another Isabella) and I think God is telling four females is my limit. So I spent the weekend looking up names to name them. The American cream will be named Amaris Abigail which means God has promised a source of joy and the Isabella will be named Isabel Rayah which means consecrated to God fellow love. Good names I think!
Other than that the big bosses came in to work yesterday and that was a chore! I worked Sunday and all day Monday trying to get the back room and the store looking good for when they came in. Then I asked Danny if I could shop for an appropriate outfit for when they came in and he said yes. I picked out this Christian shirt with a cute little vest over it and when I walked in they said I looked very Buckle-ish lol! I’m glad that’s over with because that wore me out. Well I guess I better get ready for church. I haven’t been to Wednesday night services in a while and I feel bad because he’s been giving some great teachings on the book of Acts. I hope all of you are doing well and I lift you up in prayer daily. May the Lord bless you and keep you safe in the palm of His loving hands.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I had my eye surgery and I am seeing better now. It feels so good to be able to blog again! So much happens in between blogs that I can’t remember it all when it comes time to update everyone on what’s happened. The eye surgery was particularly painful this time. I don’t know if it’s because my eyes weren’t totally recovered from the last surgery, but I pray everything heals properly this time and that I need no more in the future. I slept for days because your eyes feel so tired and the pain medicine does a good job at helping you sleep too. I still am not smoking and occasionally I want one but I don’t cave in to the temptation. I’m still wearing the patch to quit smoking but I don’t wear when I sleep (otherwise I would think I was having all those crazy dreams because of that). I go back for an eye check up in two weeks but everything seems to be going along well.
I did get Anayah finally!!! She is so stinking adorable. We are starting the potty training days all over again and I forget how much I hated those days. The other night she went over and peed on Danny’s side of the bed and he was so mad to wake up in her little puddle and he went to sleep on the couch because we didn’t have any clean bed sheets for me to change the bed. Needless to say I did some laundry and we have clean sheets on the bed now. In the beginning Asher really didn’t like her but now both he and Elowyn are warming up to her and playing with her now. I did have a dream that I got two more females (an American cream and another Isabella) and I think God is telling four females is my limit. So I spent the weekend looking up names to name them. The American cream will be named Amaris Abigail which means God has promised a source of joy and the Isabella will be named Isabel Rayah which means consecrated to God fellow love. Good names I think!
Other than that the big bosses came in to work yesterday and that was a chore! I worked Sunday and all day Monday trying to get the back room and the store looking good for when they came in. Then I asked Danny if I could shop for an appropriate outfit for when they came in and he said yes. I picked out this Christian shirt with a cute little vest over it and when I walked in they said I looked very Buckle-ish lol! I’m glad that’s over with because that wore me out. Well I guess I better get ready for church. I haven’t been to Wednesday night services in a while and I feel bad because he’s been giving some great teachings on the book of Acts. I hope all of you are doing well and I lift you up in prayer daily. May the Lord bless you and keep you safe in the palm of His loving hands.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Let Me Be
by: Melissa Fitzwilliam
I dream the dreams I don’t want to dream
Ones of faded memories of you and me
I awake trying to recall what is real
In the middle of the night that’s all too still
What brings you to mind after all these years
You’re long gone now leaving me with tears
Please don’t haunt me anymore
It’s in the past and I’ve closed that door
This heartache I feel is all too much
When I awake thinking I felt your touch
I think I hear your voice whispering my name
Then with a start I realize it will never be the same
Leave me be in the here and now
I need to move on but don’t know how
These dreams are filled with such regret
I do my best to try and just forget
You’re a part of my past that I’ll treasure forever
The moments we had spent together
But I’ve had to move on without you
I wasn’t given a choice; it’s what I must do
How I wish these dreams would go away
They leave my heart heavy with the light of day
Peaceful dreams find me tonight
With no more memories for me to fight
Tranquil sleep come to me
Let me rest, just let me be
I dream the dreams I don’t want to dream
Ones of faded memories of you and me
I awake trying to recall what is real
In the middle of the night that’s all too still
What brings you to mind after all these years
You’re long gone now leaving me with tears
Please don’t haunt me anymore
It’s in the past and I’ve closed that door
This heartache I feel is all too much
When I awake thinking I felt your touch
I think I hear your voice whispering my name
Then with a start I realize it will never be the same
Leave me be in the here and now
I need to move on but don’t know how
These dreams are filled with such regret
I do my best to try and just forget
You’re a part of my past that I’ll treasure forever
The moments we had spent together
But I’ve had to move on without you
I wasn’t given a choice; it’s what I must do
How I wish these dreams would go away
They leave my heart heavy with the light of day
Peaceful dreams find me tonight
With no more memories for me to fight
Tranquil sleep come to me
Let me rest, just let me be
Sunday, August 29, 2010
I Want Anayah!!!!
Well I called Dawn today to see if I could pick up Anayah today, but she hasn’t returned my call yet. I am hoping to get her today since I’m having eye surgery on Tuesday and it will be a better part of a week before I can drive again. She’s only seven weeks old right now, but again I hope Dawn lets me get her. I am getting very antsy for Anayah and even Danny is getting excited! I want to call again, but I don’t want to seem desperate. I know I just need to be patient, but that’s easier said than done. It’s an hour’s drive out there so I’d like to get on the road so I can get back home by dinner time. Oh geez I don’t know if I should call again or just wait…
In other news, Kathy (our friend/worker’s wife) has had back pain for about three weeks now. She thought she had a kidney stone and was just waiting for it to pass. Yesterday she started running a pretty high fever and the pain was getting worse, so I got online and looked up home remedies for passing a kidney stone. The only thing I could find was 2 oz. of olive oil and 2 oz. of lemon juice combined and drink it down and the stone should pass in about 24 hours. It also said to get in a hot shower (as hot as you could stand it) and let it beat on your back. Well we have the hot tub so she climbed in there and let the massagers beat on her back. Well about 2:00 in the morning Rick came in and said he was taking Kathy to the ER. When she got there she found out she didn’t have a kidney stone but a severe kidney infection and bacterial infection in the kidney. They said she was hours away from her kidney shutting down!! So she’s still in the hospital on antibiotics and pain killers. What really stinks is they have no insurance. So while I was at church this morning I asked for prayer for her. There is untold power in prayer!!! She is truly blessed that her kidney didn’t shut down and that she’ll be able to make a full recovery from this.
Church was good this morning!! I am always blessed by Don’s teaching. My church family is a rock that the Lord has provided for me here on earth. The Lord never ceases to amaze me with the outpouring of love that He shows to me through others. I’ve been working on some of my poems to my Lord and am trying to get it set up on powerpoint in MicroSoft office. I think once I get it done it will be a beautiful tribute to our Lord and I hope I can figure out how to share it with others.
I guess that’s it for now. I guess I’m going to try Dawn one more time and hope I don’t seem too desperate. I guess I could clean on the house, but I really don’t want to. I need to do laundry, but I figure I’ll be here all next week so I can get it done then. I’m always the procrastinator. May the Lord bless you and keep you surrounded in His amazing love!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
In other news, Kathy (our friend/worker’s wife) has had back pain for about three weeks now. She thought she had a kidney stone and was just waiting for it to pass. Yesterday she started running a pretty high fever and the pain was getting worse, so I got online and looked up home remedies for passing a kidney stone. The only thing I could find was 2 oz. of olive oil and 2 oz. of lemon juice combined and drink it down and the stone should pass in about 24 hours. It also said to get in a hot shower (as hot as you could stand it) and let it beat on your back. Well we have the hot tub so she climbed in there and let the massagers beat on her back. Well about 2:00 in the morning Rick came in and said he was taking Kathy to the ER. When she got there she found out she didn’t have a kidney stone but a severe kidney infection and bacterial infection in the kidney. They said she was hours away from her kidney shutting down!! So she’s still in the hospital on antibiotics and pain killers. What really stinks is they have no insurance. So while I was at church this morning I asked for prayer for her. There is untold power in prayer!!! She is truly blessed that her kidney didn’t shut down and that she’ll be able to make a full recovery from this.
Church was good this morning!! I am always blessed by Don’s teaching. My church family is a rock that the Lord has provided for me here on earth. The Lord never ceases to amaze me with the outpouring of love that He shows to me through others. I’ve been working on some of my poems to my Lord and am trying to get it set up on powerpoint in MicroSoft office. I think once I get it done it will be a beautiful tribute to our Lord and I hope I can figure out how to share it with others.
I guess that’s it for now. I guess I’m going to try Dawn one more time and hope I don’t seem too desperate. I guess I could clean on the house, but I really don’t want to. I need to do laundry, but I figure I’ll be here all next week so I can get it done then. I’m always the procrastinator. May the Lord bless you and keep you surrounded in His amazing love!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Another Eye Surgery...
I won’t be able to blog as of next Tuesday so I guess I better finish up what’s been going on. Next Tuesday I go in for another PRK eye surgery. I guess when my eyes healed they did so giving me far sightedness rather than perfect 20/20 vision. I can’t say I am looking forward to this because I remember how bad it hurt last time. I do know one thing, when he offers to give me pain pills this time I’m going to take them! This also means I’ll be off work for a week. This makes me incredibly sad because I love my job so much. However, Natalie said it would be fine, especially since it couldn’t be helped. The other problem I’m having is seeing double. It gets so annoying to see two things rather than just one. It gets especially bad at night time, so I’m going to talk to Dr. Melton about it when I go in on Tuesday.
Last week I got one of my killer headaches!! It got so bad that they took me to the ER so I could get a shot to help calm down the pain. However, the doctor that saw me wasn’t very sympathetic. He said if I could go to work with a headache like this then obviously I wasn’t in that much pain!! If I would have felt better I think I would have told him off. But in any case I went to see Dr. Becker the next day and he gave me the shot that I had been longing for. Within 30 minutes my headache started going away! I felt so much better! I do think it’s time to go back and see my pain specialist thought. The headaches have been coming with more frequency here lately so I think it’s time to start getting the shots in my neck again. The bad thing about that is I’ll have to miss more work. We’ll see how long I can hold out considering I’ll be off work for a week. It’s important for me to get back to work the following week because our district manager will be in. I have to admit I’m a little nervous about it.
Ciara is over her strep throat now and went back to school on Monday. She seems to be liking seventh grade so far. Danny just about has the business up and running and should be working by Tuesday or Wednesday of this next week. He does have to drive me to the eye surgery appointment but it only takes a few hours. Rick and Kathy have stayed with us this whole week and it’s been nice to have the company. They are quickly becoming dear and cherished friends!!!
Well I guess that’s it for now. I should be able to blog again in about two weeks or so and of course I’ll want to update everyone on Anayah. I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am about getting her!!! I’ve also decided after Anayah I want to get an Isabella female and an American cream female. That will give us a total of four females and one male. I think four litters a year is more than plenty. I’m starting to pick out names now. I love doing the research into the names and their meanings. I wish I had done that with Ciara although I still like her name. Ok I’m really going this time. Know I am praying for you and please keep us in your thoughts and prayers!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Last week I got one of my killer headaches!! It got so bad that they took me to the ER so I could get a shot to help calm down the pain. However, the doctor that saw me wasn’t very sympathetic. He said if I could go to work with a headache like this then obviously I wasn’t in that much pain!! If I would have felt better I think I would have told him off. But in any case I went to see Dr. Becker the next day and he gave me the shot that I had been longing for. Within 30 minutes my headache started going away! I felt so much better! I do think it’s time to go back and see my pain specialist thought. The headaches have been coming with more frequency here lately so I think it’s time to start getting the shots in my neck again. The bad thing about that is I’ll have to miss more work. We’ll see how long I can hold out considering I’ll be off work for a week. It’s important for me to get back to work the following week because our district manager will be in. I have to admit I’m a little nervous about it.
Ciara is over her strep throat now and went back to school on Monday. She seems to be liking seventh grade so far. Danny just about has the business up and running and should be working by Tuesday or Wednesday of this next week. He does have to drive me to the eye surgery appointment but it only takes a few hours. Rick and Kathy have stayed with us this whole week and it’s been nice to have the company. They are quickly becoming dear and cherished friends!!!
Well I guess that’s it for now. I should be able to blog again in about two weeks or so and of course I’ll want to update everyone on Anayah. I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am about getting her!!! I’ve also decided after Anayah I want to get an Isabella female and an American cream female. That will give us a total of four females and one male. I think four litters a year is more than plenty. I’m starting to pick out names now. I love doing the research into the names and their meanings. I wish I had done that with Ciara although I still like her name. Ok I’m really going this time. Know I am praying for you and please keep us in your thoughts and prayers!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Crash...Bang
So much has happened since I last blogged!!! I don’t even know where to begin. I know I’ll forget some stuff but I’ll do my best. The biggest thing that happened was I was in a little fender bender. I was getting off the highway to come home from taking Ciara to the doctor (she had strep throat) and when I looked behind me when I was yielding the car in front of me slammed on their brakes. Now keep in mind there were NO cars coming!!! I hit her going maybe 5 max 10 miles per hour. We pulled to the side and I thought we would just exchange insurance information and I would be on my way. I was in a hurry to get going because a friend of mine had died and his funeral was that day. Well the lady jumps out of her car and starts cussing at me immediately. She used the most foul language you could possibly imagine. I got my insurance out and they (there were two women in the car) were walking around like nothing was wrong. Well all of a sudden the driver starts saying she’s got a headache. They were talking to each other about whether or not they should call the police or not. Not only did they call the police, but they also called the fire department and the ambulance!!
So the fire department gets there and all of a sudden they couldn’t move (when they had been acting just fine!!!). The guys came back to check on us and we told them we were fine that we had no injuries. Well these women were putting on such a show that they kept coming back to make sure we were ok. Ciara pipes up and says, “We’re fine, they’re just faking it!”. The firefighter just dies laughing and rubs the top of her head and says ok. Well the police get there and the woman tried lying to the cops and told them the passenger was actually the driver. Why you ask? Well come to find out the woman who was driving was driving under a suspended license!!! The police officer came over and told us what we had said and both Ciara and I start saying oh no the small woman in the blue was driving. Well instantly the police start putting two and two together. Ciara told them there was no oncoming traffic so there was no need for the woman to slam on her brakes. There was also a witness that verified everything we said!!! Can we say scam!!!! So the police officer takes me to his car and takes my statement and tells me, “I want you to understand that I’m not giving you a ticket because your husband is a retired officer, but because these women have wasted my time!!” I was like woohoo!! I didn’t say that just you get the drift.
So now it’s time to talk to the insurance company. The women told the officers and the insurance company that I was going 40mph and knocked them clear into the middle of the street!!! (LIARS!) There is a tiny dent on the front of my car and that’s it!!! They had a small dent on the back of their car and nothing else! So the insurance adjuster came out and took pictures of my car and she said, “That’s it?!” I said yep. She confirmed that I was doing between 5-10mph when I hit them because otherwise there would have been more damage to the car. I told the insurance company that I thought it was a scam and I told them what the officer had said and they said they would research it really well. The women are now claiming that (they both have neck and back surgery) I messed up the hardware in their back because I hit them so hard and they both think they will need additional surgeries now! What a load of crap!!!! The insurance company says they are just looking for a payday and they aren’t going to give it to them!!! Haha the scammers lose and I win!
Let’s see…what else has happened…I did finally find Anayah!!! She’ll come home on Labor Day and I’m so excited!! She is a clear red miniature dachshund and she is just beautiful!!! We are still having trouble getting Asher and Elowyn registered as AKC but I think with a little bit of patience it will happen. While I was looking for Anayah I called all over the country to see if people would ship her to me. I called this one lady and she asked me if I had prayed about it yet. I told her no, and she said that God was telling her that I should pray for the right dog to come along and that I would know her when I saw her. So that’ what I started doing. I prayed that God would lead me to the perfect dog. When I said I prayed it wasn’t a quick prayer and that was it. I prayed hard! You see, I miss Hannah so much and I wanted Anayah right then!!! I would have taken the first dog that came my way. But after praying I found this lady that said she had a red one and she sent me pictures and when I first saw her, I thought no this isn’t the one. So I called our old breeder to see if she had any available. I wasn’t planning on buying from her because her puppies are no longer registered AKC but APRI. She did have two so I went out there to look at them. When I saw her I knew instantly which one was mine!!! I paid her the money and now it’s just the waiting game. I had forgotten what Anayah meant (I just love the sound of the name!), so when I got home I looked it up. It means “God Has Answered”!!!! Wow!!! How fitting!!! We serve such a great God!! He answers us in even the smallest of things!
There’s more but I have to jump off here and go babysit. But I will blog again later and finish catching you up on the latest. Got to run. God bless you and keep you safe in His loving hands!!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
So the fire department gets there and all of a sudden they couldn’t move (when they had been acting just fine!!!). The guys came back to check on us and we told them we were fine that we had no injuries. Well these women were putting on such a show that they kept coming back to make sure we were ok. Ciara pipes up and says, “We’re fine, they’re just faking it!”. The firefighter just dies laughing and rubs the top of her head and says ok. Well the police get there and the woman tried lying to the cops and told them the passenger was actually the driver. Why you ask? Well come to find out the woman who was driving was driving under a suspended license!!! The police officer came over and told us what we had said and both Ciara and I start saying oh no the small woman in the blue was driving. Well instantly the police start putting two and two together. Ciara told them there was no oncoming traffic so there was no need for the woman to slam on her brakes. There was also a witness that verified everything we said!!! Can we say scam!!!! So the police officer takes me to his car and takes my statement and tells me, “I want you to understand that I’m not giving you a ticket because your husband is a retired officer, but because these women have wasted my time!!” I was like woohoo!! I didn’t say that just you get the drift.
So now it’s time to talk to the insurance company. The women told the officers and the insurance company that I was going 40mph and knocked them clear into the middle of the street!!! (LIARS!) There is a tiny dent on the front of my car and that’s it!!! They had a small dent on the back of their car and nothing else! So the insurance adjuster came out and took pictures of my car and she said, “That’s it?!” I said yep. She confirmed that I was doing between 5-10mph when I hit them because otherwise there would have been more damage to the car. I told the insurance company that I thought it was a scam and I told them what the officer had said and they said they would research it really well. The women are now claiming that (they both have neck and back surgery) I messed up the hardware in their back because I hit them so hard and they both think they will need additional surgeries now! What a load of crap!!!! The insurance company says they are just looking for a payday and they aren’t going to give it to them!!! Haha the scammers lose and I win!
Let’s see…what else has happened…I did finally find Anayah!!! She’ll come home on Labor Day and I’m so excited!! She is a clear red miniature dachshund and she is just beautiful!!! We are still having trouble getting Asher and Elowyn registered as AKC but I think with a little bit of patience it will happen. While I was looking for Anayah I called all over the country to see if people would ship her to me. I called this one lady and she asked me if I had prayed about it yet. I told her no, and she said that God was telling her that I should pray for the right dog to come along and that I would know her when I saw her. So that’ what I started doing. I prayed that God would lead me to the perfect dog. When I said I prayed it wasn’t a quick prayer and that was it. I prayed hard! You see, I miss Hannah so much and I wanted Anayah right then!!! I would have taken the first dog that came my way. But after praying I found this lady that said she had a red one and she sent me pictures and when I first saw her, I thought no this isn’t the one. So I called our old breeder to see if she had any available. I wasn’t planning on buying from her because her puppies are no longer registered AKC but APRI. She did have two so I went out there to look at them. When I saw her I knew instantly which one was mine!!! I paid her the money and now it’s just the waiting game. I had forgotten what Anayah meant (I just love the sound of the name!), so when I got home I looked it up. It means “God Has Answered”!!!! Wow!!! How fitting!!! We serve such a great God!! He answers us in even the smallest of things!
There’s more but I have to jump off here and go babysit. But I will blog again later and finish catching you up on the latest. Got to run. God bless you and keep you safe in His loving hands!!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Ciara's Sick...
It seems like life is always taking twist and turns that are so unexpected. I guess that’s just life though. I suppose that’s a way to keep us on our knees before God always seeking His guidance and His support. As I blogged yesterday, we had the house to ourselves last night. I went for a swim for a little while by myself. When I came back in Ciara was complaining about not feeling good. She said her throat was hurting and she was all stuffy. I didn’t think much of it and we laid on the couch and snuggled for a little while. She went to bed at her regular time and everything seemed fine. I’m not sure what time it was but Ciara woke me up and was crying. At first I thought she had a bad dream, but she leaned over and whispered she was feeling horrible and wanted to know if she could sleep with us. I said sure so I scooted to the middle and let her slide in next to me. Now I have this unusual gift of being able to taste a fever on myself and smelling fever on others (I know it sounds crazy but it’s true). When she laid down I could smell her immediately. I put my hand to her forehead and she was burning hot. We didn’t have a thermometer in the house and I thought about taking her to the hospital I was so worried about her. We didn’t go but I knew there was no way she could go to school with such a high fever. So I gave her some Tylenol and laid back down with her.
I slept in pretty late since I didn’t have to take her to school and the Tylenol helped to bring down her fever. When I got up she was still complaining about her throat so I looked in the back and I thought I saw white pockets on the back of it but I couldn’t be certain because I didn’t have a flashlight to look back there really good. I had to get ready for work and since Danny was home I wasn’t worried about leaving her although I hate to leave her when she’s sick. I had Danny pick up her school work while I went to work. I had so many boxes to unpack it was unbelievable!! Natalie said I could leave early but I didn’t do it because I felt guilty since I have to be gone from work tomorrow for Terry’s funeral. I had told her I could come in first thing in the morning if freight got there early, but then I called Danny and he found the flashlight and looked at the back of her throat and sure enough she has white pockets covering her throat. So I called the doctor and I have an appointment for her first thing in the morning. So that made it to where I couldn’t even go in early to help them out, but Natalie told me she totally understood and that there was no problem with them doing freight tomorrow.
Well Danny just walked through the door so I’m going to jump off of here. Please keep Ciara in your prayers. Also keep Terry’s family and friends in your prayers. I think tomorrow will be a rough day for everyone. Oh, by the way today was my first day not smoking!! I’m back to trying the patch again and I pray it works this time. Also keep that in your prayers, that God would help me to be successful this time around. Also please pray that Danny and I don’t get sick. I’m not feeling so well right now and I’m running a low grade fever myself. The last thing we need is for all of us to get sick! Thank you for your prayers in advance and know I am praying for you as well!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I slept in pretty late since I didn’t have to take her to school and the Tylenol helped to bring down her fever. When I got up she was still complaining about her throat so I looked in the back and I thought I saw white pockets on the back of it but I couldn’t be certain because I didn’t have a flashlight to look back there really good. I had to get ready for work and since Danny was home I wasn’t worried about leaving her although I hate to leave her when she’s sick. I had Danny pick up her school work while I went to work. I had so many boxes to unpack it was unbelievable!! Natalie said I could leave early but I didn’t do it because I felt guilty since I have to be gone from work tomorrow for Terry’s funeral. I had told her I could come in first thing in the morning if freight got there early, but then I called Danny and he found the flashlight and looked at the back of her throat and sure enough she has white pockets covering her throat. So I called the doctor and I have an appointment for her first thing in the morning. So that made it to where I couldn’t even go in early to help them out, but Natalie told me she totally understood and that there was no problem with them doing freight tomorrow.
Well Danny just walked through the door so I’m going to jump off of here. Please keep Ciara in your prayers. Also keep Terry’s family and friends in your prayers. I think tomorrow will be a rough day for everyone. Oh, by the way today was my first day not smoking!! I’m back to trying the patch again and I pray it works this time. Also keep that in your prayers, that God would help me to be successful this time around. Also please pray that Danny and I don’t get sick. I’m not feeling so well right now and I’m running a low grade fever myself. The last thing we need is for all of us to get sick! Thank you for your prayers in advance and know I am praying for you as well!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Anger Issues....
I went to see Anita today and we had a good visit. She seems to think I’m struggling with some anger issues and she tells me that forgiveness is the key. I must say there are some things that are easier to forgive than others. I know I’m dealing with some unforgiveness in my heart and I’m not sure how to change that. At this point there are things I can’t even pray about because I get angry just thinking about it. I know we are suppose to forgive much because there is much that we have been forgiven. But that is where you know God is God and you are not. What I don’t want is bitterness to creep in where anger has taken root. The other hard thing is I feel that my anger is a righteous one. No I haven’t chosen to act upon it, so I haven’t sinned in my anger but still, it’s something I can’t change so the only person it’s hurting is me. This is something I will have to pray about and ask God to bring forgiveness and peace to my heart. I can’t allow the enemy to have any access to me and in my continued anger that’s what I’m allowing to happen.
I received a text from Michelle today that Terry’s funeral will be this Friday. I will have to take off work to go to the funeral but they’ve already said it would be ok to be off work that day. I think I need to go and pay my respects and I just need additional confirmation that he truly was a Christian. I want to rest in the fact that he is now with our Savior in glory. I would be heartbroken to find out that he wasn’t a Christian with all the opportunities that I had to share the gospel with him. Yes I lived my life as an example but sometimes we have to do more than that. I have come to the conclusion that I am not as outspoken about my Lord as I need to be. I’m not sure how to change this, but I want to live for Him not only by example of my life, but with words from my lips. This is something I will have to pray about and ask God’s help in stepping outside my comfort zone and professing Him as loudly as possible.
Other than that it’s been a relatively calm day. I have felt restless and frazzled today for some reason but the why of it escapes me. I don’t feel calm inside but indifferent. Skyler is over today and he’s set up our printer and fax machine. He’s also piddled on the computers and got them to where they need to be. Typically all we do is feed him dinner because he says that’s payment enough, but this time we’re giving him money because he is trying to earn some to build himself his own computer. We won’t be going to church tonight since Skyler is over. Also Rick and Kathy went home tonight and I think Danny is a little relieved. He says as much as he loves them and appreciates all they do, he was ready to have a night with just the family. Well I guess I better run. I want to look for Aniyah for awhile and see if I can find my new baby. I know she’s out there it’s just a matter of finding her. I think I’m also going to go swimming for awhile. I just need to relax for a little bit. Just know you are in my prayers and I ask you to continue to pray for me. Blessings to you all!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I received a text from Michelle today that Terry’s funeral will be this Friday. I will have to take off work to go to the funeral but they’ve already said it would be ok to be off work that day. I think I need to go and pay my respects and I just need additional confirmation that he truly was a Christian. I want to rest in the fact that he is now with our Savior in glory. I would be heartbroken to find out that he wasn’t a Christian with all the opportunities that I had to share the gospel with him. Yes I lived my life as an example but sometimes we have to do more than that. I have come to the conclusion that I am not as outspoken about my Lord as I need to be. I’m not sure how to change this, but I want to live for Him not only by example of my life, but with words from my lips. This is something I will have to pray about and ask God’s help in stepping outside my comfort zone and professing Him as loudly as possible.
Other than that it’s been a relatively calm day. I have felt restless and frazzled today for some reason but the why of it escapes me. I don’t feel calm inside but indifferent. Skyler is over today and he’s set up our printer and fax machine. He’s also piddled on the computers and got them to where they need to be. Typically all we do is feed him dinner because he says that’s payment enough, but this time we’re giving him money because he is trying to earn some to build himself his own computer. We won’t be going to church tonight since Skyler is over. Also Rick and Kathy went home tonight and I think Danny is a little relieved. He says as much as he loves them and appreciates all they do, he was ready to have a night with just the family. Well I guess I better run. I want to look for Aniyah for awhile and see if I can find my new baby. I know she’s out there it’s just a matter of finding her. I think I’m also going to go swimming for awhile. I just need to relax for a little bit. Just know you are in my prayers and I ask you to continue to pray for me. Blessings to you all!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Rest In Peace Terry....
Today after I got through blogging I received one of those phone calls that everyone knows will happen but dreads when it does. A few years ago I was working for John and Renee at their forklift company and met this amazing mechanic named Terry. He was so funny, lighthearted, and loved life. His joy for life was contagious. We quickly became great friends and he loved to cut up with me. He was also so very encouraging and could always lift my spirits when they were down. Simply put, he was a good man.
This morning Michelle called me with the news that Terry had passed away this very morning. She told me that about a month ago he had gotten sick and went to the doctor only to find out he had cancer. The doctors started him on chemotherapy right away and he was responding very well to it. They had intended on starting radiation this week and the doctors had great hope that he would recover from the cancer. However, the Lord had other plans. While heaven is a better place now with him in it, the world is definitely less than what it was when he was in it. We are all taking it pretty hard because it was so unexpected. I can easily say he was my favorite mechanic there! You couldn’t meet him and not like him. I plan on attending the funeral whenever they have it, I’m just not sure when it’s going to be yet. He was only in his 50’s and that is so young!
So needless to say it put a great damper on my day. I did have a good time tonight at Jam Fest with Ciara. She’s really good at playing the drums and she seemed to really enjoy herself. Also Kathy cleaned my house today and I was overjoyed when I came home! I think I will keep her. Danny also told her about my poetry and my writings and she wanted to read some of it. She echoed what everyone else has said and says I should see about getting my stuff published. I know everyone who reads it says the same thing, but I guess it’s true what they say that you are your own worst critic. Skyler is coming over tomorrow to work on getting us our wireless printer set up. We also bought Skyler’s old laptop today so now Danny has his own computer. That means mine will no longer be cluttered with mechanical things that I have no clue about lol. Skyler is also going to install Windows 7 on my laptop and we went and bought Quicken Business and Home software that he will install on Danny’s computer. This time we will pay him for his work along with feeding him dinner. He’s looking for some money to build his own computer and we want to help him out with it.
Other than that not much happened today. I did look online for Aniyah again but I can’t find any shorthaired miniature dachshunds. I’m hoping to get her as soon as possible. I feel like I need another baby to love on with Hannah being gone. Work was short today, we only got in two boxes of freight, but I had to send out close to twenty boxes to other stores. I was only there about three hours and then was able to come home. Danny’s dump truck is coming along nicely with Rick and Kathy working on it. I’m pretty sure they will be staying the night again tonight. I’ve got a vague headache and it’s just enough to be a nuisance. I’ve had a stiff neck now for almost two weeks and I’m really getting sick of it. I need to get in to see a few of my doctor’s and get Ciara to the doctor (she’s going first) for a sports physical. There’s much to do if I can just get it all done. Please pray for Terry’s family, friends, and co-workers. We appreciate your prayers and know God will hear them. I thank the Lord for the time He gave me with Terry and I take comfort that the Lord didn’t make him suffer here on earth. While I may not understand God’s will or timing I can have faith that He is a big enough God to take care of all things. Praise Him on high!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
This morning Michelle called me with the news that Terry had passed away this very morning. She told me that about a month ago he had gotten sick and went to the doctor only to find out he had cancer. The doctors started him on chemotherapy right away and he was responding very well to it. They had intended on starting radiation this week and the doctors had great hope that he would recover from the cancer. However, the Lord had other plans. While heaven is a better place now with him in it, the world is definitely less than what it was when he was in it. We are all taking it pretty hard because it was so unexpected. I can easily say he was my favorite mechanic there! You couldn’t meet him and not like him. I plan on attending the funeral whenever they have it, I’m just not sure when it’s going to be yet. He was only in his 50’s and that is so young!
So needless to say it put a great damper on my day. I did have a good time tonight at Jam Fest with Ciara. She’s really good at playing the drums and she seemed to really enjoy herself. Also Kathy cleaned my house today and I was overjoyed when I came home! I think I will keep her. Danny also told her about my poetry and my writings and she wanted to read some of it. She echoed what everyone else has said and says I should see about getting my stuff published. I know everyone who reads it says the same thing, but I guess it’s true what they say that you are your own worst critic. Skyler is coming over tomorrow to work on getting us our wireless printer set up. We also bought Skyler’s old laptop today so now Danny has his own computer. That means mine will no longer be cluttered with mechanical things that I have no clue about lol. Skyler is also going to install Windows 7 on my laptop and we went and bought Quicken Business and Home software that he will install on Danny’s computer. This time we will pay him for his work along with feeding him dinner. He’s looking for some money to build his own computer and we want to help him out with it.
Other than that not much happened today. I did look online for Aniyah again but I can’t find any shorthaired miniature dachshunds. I’m hoping to get her as soon as possible. I feel like I need another baby to love on with Hannah being gone. Work was short today, we only got in two boxes of freight, but I had to send out close to twenty boxes to other stores. I was only there about three hours and then was able to come home. Danny’s dump truck is coming along nicely with Rick and Kathy working on it. I’m pretty sure they will be staying the night again tonight. I’ve got a vague headache and it’s just enough to be a nuisance. I’ve had a stiff neck now for almost two weeks and I’m really getting sick of it. I need to get in to see a few of my doctor’s and get Ciara to the doctor (she’s going first) for a sports physical. There’s much to do if I can just get it all done. Please pray for Terry’s family, friends, and co-workers. We appreciate your prayers and know God will hear them. I thank the Lord for the time He gave me with Terry and I take comfort that the Lord didn’t make him suffer here on earth. While I may not understand God’s will or timing I can have faith that He is a big enough God to take care of all things. Praise Him on high!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Catching You Up....
Life is getting back into the swing of things with school being back in session. I’m doing something a little different this year though. I’m getting up earlier in the morning so I can go out and have my morning coffee with a cigarette then going and fixing Ciara’s lunch and sometimes breakfast. I enjoy getting up earlier and having that little bit of time to wake up. Last year (and years prior) I would get up in time to throw on some clothes and get in the car to drive her to school. What I found is I would start to fall asleep on the way back home from bringing her to school. I had a few scary calls with my eyes half closed so I’ve decided I need to be completely awake before I crawl behind the wheel. Not only that but Ciara and I have time to spend some time together before she heads off to school.
This weekend was pretty great! It was my first set of days off since we went to Missouri two weeks ago. I was really ready for a few days off to spend time with the family. I went and got my hair trimmed some more and just piddled around the house. Shay came out on Sunday and it made my weekend!!! I have missed her so very much. It’s been a better part of a month since she’s been out here and that’s too long! I don’t know what I’m going to do when she moves to Louisiana for college at LSU. She’s not the only one talking about moving away though! Megan is talking about moving to Texas and trying to get on the police department there since Oklahoma has a hiring freeze going on for the foreseeable future. I can’t tell you how incredibly sad this makes me. I love our girls so much and the thought of them being any great length of distance away just breaks my heart. However, I’m praying for God’s will in their lives so I have to be open to what He has for them.
Rick and Kathy (my brother-in-law’s brother-in-law and wife lol and our workers for the new business) have been coming out here and staying the night quite a bit. They are wonderful people and I enjoy having them around so much. They were both raised Pentecostal and have been really burned by the church they were going to. However, they are Christians and hear us talk about how wonderful our church is all the time. So they finally decided to try it out and they really liked it. They said that we had talked about how warm and loving the people were there but didn’t expect them to be that way towards them. They said they could see the love of God pouring through the people there. I told them I would have been greatly disappointed if it had been any other way. Speaking of church Ciara has decided she’s going to start playing the drums on Sundays. We are going to a jamfest tonight there and she is going to show the elders just how talented she is!!! Skyler (our adopted son lol and computer guy) has really talked her up to the elders about playing the drums and her singing. Skyler plays the guitar and has such a phenomenal talent for it!!! I invited Shay to come tonight too and I think she’s going to try and make it if she is feeling better and doesn’t have to work. I plan on staying and enjoying them do their thing tonight. I don’t know if Danny is going tonight or not. I think it will depend on if he gets all his work done today on the business and if Kathy and Rick stay the night again.
Other than that life has been going good. I’m still greatly enjoying my job and I think this is my most favorite job ever!! The Lord is really blessing me through this!! I’m still looking for our next dachshund, Aniyah, but haven’t found her yet. In case I forgot to tell you, we sold Hannah and I’m really having puppy withdraws!! If I have my way we’ll have a house full of miniature dachshunds before it’s all said and done lol. Well I guess I should go get ready for work. I left early yesterday to go get Ciara from volleyball practice and didn’t get all my work done, so now I need to go in early to get it all done before freight gets here so we can mail out the pulls from this week. Pl ease continue to pray for us as we pray for you. Prayer is the strongest, most effective tool that God has given us. I’ve seen prayer turn into miracles and blessings abound. The Lord is mighty and all powerful! Praise Him on high!!! What a mighty God we serve!! Now that’s I’m done catching you up I’m really going to run. Have a wonderful day and I can’t wait until I’m back rambling more lol!!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
This weekend was pretty great! It was my first set of days off since we went to Missouri two weeks ago. I was really ready for a few days off to spend time with the family. I went and got my hair trimmed some more and just piddled around the house. Shay came out on Sunday and it made my weekend!!! I have missed her so very much. It’s been a better part of a month since she’s been out here and that’s too long! I don’t know what I’m going to do when she moves to Louisiana for college at LSU. She’s not the only one talking about moving away though! Megan is talking about moving to Texas and trying to get on the police department there since Oklahoma has a hiring freeze going on for the foreseeable future. I can’t tell you how incredibly sad this makes me. I love our girls so much and the thought of them being any great length of distance away just breaks my heart. However, I’m praying for God’s will in their lives so I have to be open to what He has for them.
Rick and Kathy (my brother-in-law’s brother-in-law and wife lol and our workers for the new business) have been coming out here and staying the night quite a bit. They are wonderful people and I enjoy having them around so much. They were both raised Pentecostal and have been really burned by the church they were going to. However, they are Christians and hear us talk about how wonderful our church is all the time. So they finally decided to try it out and they really liked it. They said that we had talked about how warm and loving the people were there but didn’t expect them to be that way towards them. They said they could see the love of God pouring through the people there. I told them I would have been greatly disappointed if it had been any other way. Speaking of church Ciara has decided she’s going to start playing the drums on Sundays. We are going to a jamfest tonight there and she is going to show the elders just how talented she is!!! Skyler (our adopted son lol and computer guy) has really talked her up to the elders about playing the drums and her singing. Skyler plays the guitar and has such a phenomenal talent for it!!! I invited Shay to come tonight too and I think she’s going to try and make it if she is feeling better and doesn’t have to work. I plan on staying and enjoying them do their thing tonight. I don’t know if Danny is going tonight or not. I think it will depend on if he gets all his work done today on the business and if Kathy and Rick stay the night again.
Other than that life has been going good. I’m still greatly enjoying my job and I think this is my most favorite job ever!! The Lord is really blessing me through this!! I’m still looking for our next dachshund, Aniyah, but haven’t found her yet. In case I forgot to tell you, we sold Hannah and I’m really having puppy withdraws!! If I have my way we’ll have a house full of miniature dachshunds before it’s all said and done lol. Well I guess I should go get ready for work. I left early yesterday to go get Ciara from volleyball practice and didn’t get all my work done, so now I need to go in early to get it all done before freight gets here so we can mail out the pulls from this week. Pl ease continue to pray for us as we pray for you. Prayer is the strongest, most effective tool that God has given us. I’ve seen prayer turn into miracles and blessings abound. The Lord is mighty and all powerful! Praise Him on high!!! What a mighty God we serve!! Now that’s I’m done catching you up I’m really going to run. Have a wonderful day and I can’t wait until I’m back rambling more lol!!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Time is Slipping Away
Every Moment
By: Joy Williams
We laughed out loud ‘til we cried
And the tears were sweet
Midnight melted to morning
A moment faded to memory
All these days
They just slip away through our fingers
So…
Don’t let go
Hold onto every moment
Always know
Hold onto every moment that You can
We move on with no regrets to our destiny
Held by the hands of the Father
We share His love and He leads us through
All these days
They just slip away through our fingers
So…
Don’t let go
Hold onto every moment
Always know
Hold onto every moment that You can
Running through yesterday into tomorrow
Don’t let it just drift away
Forget about tying the hands of time
Give every minute to the One who gave us today
Don’t let go
Hold onto every moment
Always know
Hold onto every moment that You can
Well today is Ciara’s first day of junior high (7th grade) and Shay’s last first day of school as she is a senior this year. I spent the morning praying for all of our girls that the Lord would guide them and protect them. I thanked Him for choosing me to be the one to guide them here on this earth. It just amazes me how fast the time has flown by. I blinked for just a moment and they grew up. How does it happen so fast?! I try to hold fast to the moments but they slip away like water in my hand. The years seem to go by faster with each passing year. Time is flying by so fast that I can’t keep up with it. The tears I cried this morning were bitter sweet; bitter in the fact that they are getting so big, but sweet in the fact that they are getting so big lol. God has blessed us with four amazing girls and I stand in awe of Him and them.
Yesterday is but a memory, tomorrow is uncertain, but today I will cherish with all that I have. We are chained to time and while it grips us we are under its power. It can be cruel and sweet as it is this morning. Time is a friend and an enemy all in the same moment. One day we will be free from the constraints of time, but until that day comes I will cling to my memories and my moments with all that I have. As Ciara was getting ready this morning I was praying for time to slow down, so I could enjoy each second that we had together. Now I am praying for it to speed up so I can see how her day was (and Shay too!!!). Well speaking of time, it’s time for me to get ready for work. It’s only 9:00 in the morning but freight has been coming in early and I want to get there as soon as possible so I can get Ciara after school. I pray for you all and lift you up in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. He is such a good God and the Holy Spirit is with us always. He binds us together as a family in His amazing love. Don’t let today slip away without finding moments to cherish.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
By: Joy Williams
We laughed out loud ‘til we cried
And the tears were sweet
Midnight melted to morning
A moment faded to memory
All these days
They just slip away through our fingers
So…
Don’t let go
Hold onto every moment
Always know
Hold onto every moment that You can
We move on with no regrets to our destiny
Held by the hands of the Father
We share His love and He leads us through
All these days
They just slip away through our fingers
So…
Don’t let go
Hold onto every moment
Always know
Hold onto every moment that You can
Running through yesterday into tomorrow
Don’t let it just drift away
Forget about tying the hands of time
Give every minute to the One who gave us today
Don’t let go
Hold onto every moment
Always know
Hold onto every moment that You can
Well today is Ciara’s first day of junior high (7th grade) and Shay’s last first day of school as she is a senior this year. I spent the morning praying for all of our girls that the Lord would guide them and protect them. I thanked Him for choosing me to be the one to guide them here on this earth. It just amazes me how fast the time has flown by. I blinked for just a moment and they grew up. How does it happen so fast?! I try to hold fast to the moments but they slip away like water in my hand. The years seem to go by faster with each passing year. Time is flying by so fast that I can’t keep up with it. The tears I cried this morning were bitter sweet; bitter in the fact that they are getting so big, but sweet in the fact that they are getting so big lol. God has blessed us with four amazing girls and I stand in awe of Him and them.
Yesterday is but a memory, tomorrow is uncertain, but today I will cherish with all that I have. We are chained to time and while it grips us we are under its power. It can be cruel and sweet as it is this morning. Time is a friend and an enemy all in the same moment. One day we will be free from the constraints of time, but until that day comes I will cling to my memories and my moments with all that I have. As Ciara was getting ready this morning I was praying for time to slow down, so I could enjoy each second that we had together. Now I am praying for it to speed up so I can see how her day was (and Shay too!!!). Well speaking of time, it’s time for me to get ready for work. It’s only 9:00 in the morning but freight has been coming in early and I want to get there as soon as possible so I can get Ciara after school. I pray for you all and lift you up in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. He is such a good God and the Holy Spirit is with us always. He binds us together as a family in His amazing love. Don’t let today slip away without finding moments to cherish.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
God's Moving!!! (can you feel Him?)
Life has been so busy lately but in a good way. We took a trip to Missouri to look at dump trucks and I think we may have found one! It was a fun trip with Rick and Kathy and she kept me laughing the entire time. I think we have found us some good, honest workers, but better than that I think we have found some great lifelong friends! Rick is so knowledgeable about machinery and so is Kathy! We value their opinion and really lean on them to guide us in this search. I have been praying that God would bring us to the right truck! We do need to get this business up and running though and get some money coming in! Things are getting tight again, but I know God has everything under control. While the company on the trip was great, one of the places we stayed left much lacking!!!! It was a dive if I’ve ever seen one, but it was our only option at the time. I learned a valuable lesson that you ask to see the rooms before you agree to pay to stay there!! We also learned to take more clothes than you think you need. We took one day’s change of clothes thinking we would be back the next day. However what started to be a one day trip turned into a four day trip!! We had to go to Wal-Mart and buy us clothes to make it through the trip. However, through all the bumps along the way it was a good trip.
This coming weekend will be tax-free weekend here in Oklahoma. All clothes and school supplies will be tax free from Friday to Sunday. What this means for me is I will work this past Tuesday to next Friday without a day off. This weekend I will be back on the floor working with the customers. They say to be prepared for a crazy weekend! We’ve been told to wear comfortable shoes because we won’t be getting breaks. However, we are all bringing something on Saturday for a Mexican day and as time permits we will be running back to the stock room to stuff our faces and run back on the floor. I’m so glad I like the people that I work with otherwise this could be very miserable. I just saw the weather forecast and it will be in the 100’s this weekend and it’s mandatory fall dress code. What that means is jeans, no sandals, but close toed shoes, and at least three layers on top. Now yes that sounds like a lot but you can wear two tank tops and that counts as two layers. I know what jeans I’m wearing but I haven’t decided what tops I’m wearing yet. Not a big deal but still I want to be comfortable and not burning hot while I’m helping customers.
Tonight is church night and I can’t wait to see my church family. They have been such a huge support to me here recently and the love of God has just poured through them! I stand awed and humble at the people God has put in my life. We serve such an awesome God and I’m so glad to have Him as the Savior of my heart! Speaking of God Ciara went to church camp in Missouri and came back totally on fire for God!! She said she feels like she has been so fully filled by the Holy Spirit that she is amazed. She felt the Holy Spirit move during the entire trip. She has had some anger issues for awhile now and she said it was like this huge knot of anger just vanished during one of the worship sessions. She said the messages were amazing and she can’t wait to get out around people so she can show them through her life that she is a devoted child of God. My heart just overflows at this. She is even vowed to change her habits at school because she said she wasn’t honoring God in her work in years past. She wants to live for God in every way that she can think of and that means being a better daughter, a better friend, and a louder and more active living example of Christ’s great love for us. She has fallen in love with Jesus all over again and has been renewed. She has experienced a revival in her life and also His amazing grace poured out to overflowing! She is walking with Him in every way and I pray this doesn’t go away for her. My prayer is that our other girls experience this same thirst and hunger for our Savior. I also pray that He begins to renew my spirit and set me on fire as He has Ciara. Her joy for Him is contagious! I can’t wait to see what He’s going to do in her life!!!
Well I guess I better get to cleaning house. It’s a complete mess!! I’ve got a load of laundry washing now but I’ve let it build up again and it will take me a better part of a week to get it all done. (sigh) I need to start treating my house as a house of the Lord and keep it the way it deserves! My family deserves to have clean clothes, clean dishes, clean bathrooms, etc. Lord willing, He will begin a new work in me and we will all see the evidence of this in my life. I thank you all for keeping us in your prayers and ask you to continue to do so. I, also, keep you in my prayers and I am so grateful for all of you! The Lord bless you and keep you in the palm of His mighty and loving hand!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
This coming weekend will be tax-free weekend here in Oklahoma. All clothes and school supplies will be tax free from Friday to Sunday. What this means for me is I will work this past Tuesday to next Friday without a day off. This weekend I will be back on the floor working with the customers. They say to be prepared for a crazy weekend! We’ve been told to wear comfortable shoes because we won’t be getting breaks. However, we are all bringing something on Saturday for a Mexican day and as time permits we will be running back to the stock room to stuff our faces and run back on the floor. I’m so glad I like the people that I work with otherwise this could be very miserable. I just saw the weather forecast and it will be in the 100’s this weekend and it’s mandatory fall dress code. What that means is jeans, no sandals, but close toed shoes, and at least three layers on top. Now yes that sounds like a lot but you can wear two tank tops and that counts as two layers. I know what jeans I’m wearing but I haven’t decided what tops I’m wearing yet. Not a big deal but still I want to be comfortable and not burning hot while I’m helping customers.
Tonight is church night and I can’t wait to see my church family. They have been such a huge support to me here recently and the love of God has just poured through them! I stand awed and humble at the people God has put in my life. We serve such an awesome God and I’m so glad to have Him as the Savior of my heart! Speaking of God Ciara went to church camp in Missouri and came back totally on fire for God!! She said she feels like she has been so fully filled by the Holy Spirit that she is amazed. She felt the Holy Spirit move during the entire trip. She has had some anger issues for awhile now and she said it was like this huge knot of anger just vanished during one of the worship sessions. She said the messages were amazing and she can’t wait to get out around people so she can show them through her life that she is a devoted child of God. My heart just overflows at this. She is even vowed to change her habits at school because she said she wasn’t honoring God in her work in years past. She wants to live for God in every way that she can think of and that means being a better daughter, a better friend, and a louder and more active living example of Christ’s great love for us. She has fallen in love with Jesus all over again and has been renewed. She has experienced a revival in her life and also His amazing grace poured out to overflowing! She is walking with Him in every way and I pray this doesn’t go away for her. My prayer is that our other girls experience this same thirst and hunger for our Savior. I also pray that He begins to renew my spirit and set me on fire as He has Ciara. Her joy for Him is contagious! I can’t wait to see what He’s going to do in her life!!!
Well I guess I better get to cleaning house. It’s a complete mess!! I’ve got a load of laundry washing now but I’ve let it build up again and it will take me a better part of a week to get it all done. (sigh) I need to start treating my house as a house of the Lord and keep it the way it deserves! My family deserves to have clean clothes, clean dishes, clean bathrooms, etc. Lord willing, He will begin a new work in me and we will all see the evidence of this in my life. I thank you all for keeping us in your prayers and ask you to continue to do so. I, also, keep you in my prayers and I am so grateful for all of you! The Lord bless you and keep you in the palm of His mighty and loving hand!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
It's a Blinding Lost....
I wish I could say things are getting easier, but I can’t. I wish I could say I felt better and I’m seeing things in a positive light, but I can’t. I have some many questions that are racing through my mind with no answers to be found. I’m so frustrated right now and I can’t vent to Anita until Thursday. Speaking of Thursday, Ciara is going to start seeing Anita Thursday too. I think she’s to that age that she struggles going back and forth between houses and just other stuff that pre-teens go through, that I think she needs someone she can confide in. I think she will love Anita the way I do! The one problem is that while I vent to Anita, there are some things that you still don’t have answers to. It’s just waiting to see what God has in store for you. Today I’m anxious. I’m anxious for so many reasons...none of which I can share. But I can tell you I have felt your prayers and they have lifted my spirits. Even with me being so low right now I take courage in the fact you love me enough to pray for things that are unknown to you but still concern me none the less. I’m encouraged by the love of God pouring through you all.
I’m gonna keep this one short because there are things I need to get done. The most encouraging news is I’m back to work after being off for a week. I missed that place so much!!! I know I have said it before but I love that place and also the people I work for and with!! I’m am doing freight now rather than selling out on the floor. I unpack all the clothes that come in each day and put security sensors on them and get them ready to go out on the floor. It can be a tedious job but I still love it. What I’m missing right now is doing some serious writing. I don’t write poems anymore, or heartfelt blurbs, and I rarely get to blog anymore. It feels like the writer inside of me is asleep. It’s not a good sleep, but a restless slumber that’s deep and dark. Now please don’t mistake this as a trip down depression lane! I think I’m just under so much stress that it doesn’t evoke in me the desire to write. And while I love work, I still don’t feel completely fulfilled. I think what I’m lacking is a deeper walk with God. I don’t journal my prayers anymore, and to be honest praying is coming really hard for me right now and has for some time now. I know Christ has torn down the veil that keep me from God, but it feels like there is this wall, maybe a ceiling, that makes my prayers bounce off and return to me unanswered. I don’t feel worthy enough to come to God right now. I know none of us are worthy, but this is something more. I know I’m doing a poor job at explaining it, but it’s hard to explain when I don’t fully understand it myself.
I need to just jump in and start prayer journaling again and doing my daily walk with Him. He seems so far and I feel so lost. It’s a blinding lost. It’s so foggy you are unsure what the next step has in store for you. After reading this again I think this is something Anita needs to see because while there is still so much left unsaid, I have explained it better here than I’ve been able to just sit and think through. I guess I need to get off here and call my ex so I can pick up Ciara tomorrow. She won’t be home long because she is going to church camp this next week. I pray she has a good time and finds a deeper walk with Christ while she’s there. Please continue your prayers because we’re still stumbling our way along. One misstep and I fear I will fall apart. Thank you for listening to my ramblings and also thank you for your prayers. I have faith that they are not going unheard.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I’m gonna keep this one short because there are things I need to get done. The most encouraging news is I’m back to work after being off for a week. I missed that place so much!!! I know I have said it before but I love that place and also the people I work for and with!! I’m am doing freight now rather than selling out on the floor. I unpack all the clothes that come in each day and put security sensors on them and get them ready to go out on the floor. It can be a tedious job but I still love it. What I’m missing right now is doing some serious writing. I don’t write poems anymore, or heartfelt blurbs, and I rarely get to blog anymore. It feels like the writer inside of me is asleep. It’s not a good sleep, but a restless slumber that’s deep and dark. Now please don’t mistake this as a trip down depression lane! I think I’m just under so much stress that it doesn’t evoke in me the desire to write. And while I love work, I still don’t feel completely fulfilled. I think what I’m lacking is a deeper walk with God. I don’t journal my prayers anymore, and to be honest praying is coming really hard for me right now and has for some time now. I know Christ has torn down the veil that keep me from God, but it feels like there is this wall, maybe a ceiling, that makes my prayers bounce off and return to me unanswered. I don’t feel worthy enough to come to God right now. I know none of us are worthy, but this is something more. I know I’m doing a poor job at explaining it, but it’s hard to explain when I don’t fully understand it myself.
I need to just jump in and start prayer journaling again and doing my daily walk with Him. He seems so far and I feel so lost. It’s a blinding lost. It’s so foggy you are unsure what the next step has in store for you. After reading this again I think this is something Anita needs to see because while there is still so much left unsaid, I have explained it better here than I’ve been able to just sit and think through. I guess I need to get off here and call my ex so I can pick up Ciara tomorrow. She won’t be home long because she is going to church camp this next week. I pray she has a good time and finds a deeper walk with Christ while she’s there. Please continue your prayers because we’re still stumbling our way along. One misstep and I fear I will fall apart. Thank you for listening to my ramblings and also thank you for your prayers. I have faith that they are not going unheard.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Sunday, July 18, 2010
God's Great Love Poured Out In Visible Form!!!
It’s kind of a hard weekend…there’s been a roller coaster of emotions. I keep telling myself that God is faithful and His hand is guiding all that we do. But it’s been hard. There is so much that I want to share with you, to vent, but I can’t. The tears well up, but won’t come. There’s a knot in my throat that just won’t go away. It’s not like I’m trying not to cry, I just can’t. I hate it when it does that. I feel like I need a good cry and I’m wondering if my medicine keeps me from crying, but I’m not for sure. I need a shoulder to cry on but what I’m learning is there are just some things that shouldn’t be shared. So I cry (or read complain) to God. He already knows everything, even things I don’t know. But what I do know is no matter how are you try to hide a sin, God will bring it to the light. He is really working on us right now, and while I know it’s for His glory, it’s still a painful process.
I don’t remember if I shared about mini-church on Friday night, but it was a very uplifting time. Mini-church is a dinner fellowship we have once a month for the adults and we get together, eat an awesome dinner (this time is was potluck), and have a message out of the Word. This time we were sharing what God was working on in our lives. I’m not sure if everyone knows about our current problem in the church so I didn’t share anything, but I did cry. Not hard uncontrollable tears, but soft tears of joy and sadness all at the same time. The message really spoke to me and the people who do know about our current problem just rallied around me and let me know how much they love me and how they are praying for us both. The support there is awe-inspiring!!! The outpouring of love is humbling! It’s God’s love poured out in visible form. It is what we need at this point in time and it’s what we have.
Other than that it’s been a relatively calm weekend. I’ve just been spending lots of time with Danny and doing some deep conversing. We’ve shared much this weekend and actually over this past week. We’ve sought each other’s forgiveness in various areas and in many ways poured our hearts out to each other. Man, I have so much on my heart that I desire to share with you!!! But out of respect for the situation it’s just not something I can do. Just know we need your continued prayers!!!
Pastor Don and Jean are coming over tonight to visit with us for awhile so I worked around the house today. I got quite a bit accomplished, but not near what I needed to get done. I just don’t have it in me right now. I know they will understand. We also may have some of the other church people coming over to see us and I welcome them with open arms! The phone calls haven’t stopped coming in with words of encouragement, love, and support. They are touching!!
I would like to go swimming in our new pool, but it turned green yesterday and we don’t have enough shock to get it to where I can vacuum it right now. We have so many errands to run and appointments to keep and I start back to work tomorrow. We only have one car right now because Danny’s truck is being fixed from the hail damage. I don’t know how we are going to juggle all of this but Pastor Don has already offered to take Danny where ever he may need to go so that will be incredibly helpful.
Well I guess I better run because my man is hungry and looking for something to eat. I’m getting a little hungry myself…this is a rare thing now days as I’ve had no appetite to eat anything. I keep thinking maybe I’ll drop a few pounds like I need to, but this isn’t the way to do it. Know my love goes out to you all and my prayers rise to heaven for you. Thank you in advance for your prayers and know you mean so much to me!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I don’t remember if I shared about mini-church on Friday night, but it was a very uplifting time. Mini-church is a dinner fellowship we have once a month for the adults and we get together, eat an awesome dinner (this time is was potluck), and have a message out of the Word. This time we were sharing what God was working on in our lives. I’m not sure if everyone knows about our current problem in the church so I didn’t share anything, but I did cry. Not hard uncontrollable tears, but soft tears of joy and sadness all at the same time. The message really spoke to me and the people who do know about our current problem just rallied around me and let me know how much they love me and how they are praying for us both. The support there is awe-inspiring!!! The outpouring of love is humbling! It’s God’s love poured out in visible form. It is what we need at this point in time and it’s what we have.
Other than that it’s been a relatively calm weekend. I’ve just been spending lots of time with Danny and doing some deep conversing. We’ve shared much this weekend and actually over this past week. We’ve sought each other’s forgiveness in various areas and in many ways poured our hearts out to each other. Man, I have so much on my heart that I desire to share with you!!! But out of respect for the situation it’s just not something I can do. Just know we need your continued prayers!!!
Pastor Don and Jean are coming over tonight to visit with us for awhile so I worked around the house today. I got quite a bit accomplished, but not near what I needed to get done. I just don’t have it in me right now. I know they will understand. We also may have some of the other church people coming over to see us and I welcome them with open arms! The phone calls haven’t stopped coming in with words of encouragement, love, and support. They are touching!!
I would like to go swimming in our new pool, but it turned green yesterday and we don’t have enough shock to get it to where I can vacuum it right now. We have so many errands to run and appointments to keep and I start back to work tomorrow. We only have one car right now because Danny’s truck is being fixed from the hail damage. I don’t know how we are going to juggle all of this but Pastor Don has already offered to take Danny where ever he may need to go so that will be incredibly helpful.
Well I guess I better run because my man is hungry and looking for something to eat. I’m getting a little hungry myself…this is a rare thing now days as I’ve had no appetite to eat anything. I keep thinking maybe I’ll drop a few pounds like I need to, but this isn’t the way to do it. Know my love goes out to you all and my prayers rise to heaven for you. Thank you in advance for your prayers and know you mean so much to me!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Thank You In Advance For Your Prayers....
So I wrote a little something last night, but I thought I would get on here and thank everyone again for their prayers. What makes me sad is I can praise God in the good times but I have a hard time praising Him in the bad times. I keep questioning Him why these things had to happen like He owes me some explanation but He doesn’t. In many ways I feel like Job right now. We are going through so many hard trials (don’t get me wrong it’s nothing like Job went through) and I keep thinking why? Since I believe in predestination I have to know that God has this problem already worked out although I can’t see it. He is a good God all the time and He wouldn’t allow something to happen to us that won’t turn out for our good and that He won’t get the praise for in the end. I have to take courage in this because it seems like the only thing I have to hold on too right now is His love and promises.
Ok now in other news…I think we have decided to keep Hannah!!! She has found her way into our hearts and I just can’t bear to part with her! Our doctor tried taking her but I guess his dog about tore her up so he said it just wasn’t a good fit. She was so happy to be home and I missed her so much for her only being gone for two days!!! I think we are still getting Aniyah (the red doxie) and I need to start looking for her. I want to potty train them both at the same time! And I’m also hoping that Elowyn takes to Aniyah like she is one of her own pups. Also in dog news, Edom and Rukka attacked our neighbor’s dog yesterday!!! They really tore that little guy up!!! Our neighbor is so mad right now and to be honest he has every right to be!!! He has now said that if our dogs go on his property that he will shoot them. Again he has every right to do that and as responsible dog owners we have to keep our dogs contained within our property. So we have to go buy a big dog pen because we have three really big dogs. For the moment they are staying locked up in the entry way of the house. I have to say they really don’t feel like they are being punished because they are in the cool of the house rather than the sweltering heat of the outside sun.
Also….Danny has really been hurting bad lately. He struggles with debilitating pain on a daily basis. He goes back to see his pain specialist and they are talking about doing some kind of internal implant that will vibrate his nerve endings and that will take away the pain. To be honest we have heard some really bad things about this device. It’s battery operated and so every so often you have to go back in for another surgery to replace the batteries. Danny doesn’t want anymore surgeries and I can’t say I blame him. But they have to figure out something to do for his pain. He has decided that pain pills are not an option because they can be so addictive. I think he made the right decision but there has to be some answer out there for his pain. I pray constantly that God will heal him from this pain, but this may be the thorn in his flesh. So please be praying for his pain. He isn’t sleeping at night and is also keeping me awake as he wants me to rub his neck and his lower back. Poor baby, he’s being such a trooper trying to deal with this but I know it wears on him.
I guess that’s all for now. I’ll try really hard not to stay gone so long. I looked at the blog site and I only did one post in June and so far this will be my second one in July. I use to post 30+ blogs a month when I was staying at home! I miss it so much!! Now I need to get up and do some cleaning! The house is a mess and it’s my own fault. I haven’t used my washer and dryer very much and the laundry is piling up again!! I wish I was a clean freak, but alas that is not how God made me lol!!! I’m lifting you all up in prayer and my love goes out to you all!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Ok now in other news…I think we have decided to keep Hannah!!! She has found her way into our hearts and I just can’t bear to part with her! Our doctor tried taking her but I guess his dog about tore her up so he said it just wasn’t a good fit. She was so happy to be home and I missed her so much for her only being gone for two days!!! I think we are still getting Aniyah (the red doxie) and I need to start looking for her. I want to potty train them both at the same time! And I’m also hoping that Elowyn takes to Aniyah like she is one of her own pups. Also in dog news, Edom and Rukka attacked our neighbor’s dog yesterday!!! They really tore that little guy up!!! Our neighbor is so mad right now and to be honest he has every right to be!!! He has now said that if our dogs go on his property that he will shoot them. Again he has every right to do that and as responsible dog owners we have to keep our dogs contained within our property. So we have to go buy a big dog pen because we have three really big dogs. For the moment they are staying locked up in the entry way of the house. I have to say they really don’t feel like they are being punished because they are in the cool of the house rather than the sweltering heat of the outside sun.
Also….Danny has really been hurting bad lately. He struggles with debilitating pain on a daily basis. He goes back to see his pain specialist and they are talking about doing some kind of internal implant that will vibrate his nerve endings and that will take away the pain. To be honest we have heard some really bad things about this device. It’s battery operated and so every so often you have to go back in for another surgery to replace the batteries. Danny doesn’t want anymore surgeries and I can’t say I blame him. But they have to figure out something to do for his pain. He has decided that pain pills are not an option because they can be so addictive. I think he made the right decision but there has to be some answer out there for his pain. I pray constantly that God will heal him from this pain, but this may be the thorn in his flesh. So please be praying for his pain. He isn’t sleeping at night and is also keeping me awake as he wants me to rub his neck and his lower back. Poor baby, he’s being such a trooper trying to deal with this but I know it wears on him.
I guess that’s all for now. I’ll try really hard not to stay gone so long. I looked at the blog site and I only did one post in June and so far this will be my second one in July. I use to post 30+ blogs a month when I was staying at home! I miss it so much!! Now I need to get up and do some cleaning! The house is a mess and it’s my own fault. I haven’t used my washer and dryer very much and the laundry is piling up again!! I wish I was a clean freak, but alas that is not how God made me lol!!! I’m lifting you all up in prayer and my love goes out to you all!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
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