Dreams...

I guess I’ll start with the thing that’s bothering me the most. I just wrote a poem about it but it needs details. I’ve been having the craziest, most disturbing, dreams lately. I’m dreaming of loved ones that have passed away or are no longer in my life. I can see them, hear them, feel them and often I awake in tears. I think of my aunt, my uncle, and other loved ones that have gone on home to be with the Lord and I don’t know why I’m dreaming of them all of a sudden. And it’s not just that. I’m having violent dreams that are so disturbing. I dream of car accidents that are all too real that leave my heart pounding. Last night I dreamed that I was spanking Ciara so horribly because she had misbehaved. I dream that Danny leaves me, that for some reason we are no longer together, and when I wake up I’m in tears. I have to reach over and feel that he’s still there to know I was just dreaming because they are just so real. I also awake not knowing where I am. The scariest ones are when I can’t remember who I am. It’s like I wake up with amnesia. It takes a few minutes to remember I’m married, I have daughters, and that I am ok. I don’t know what’s making me dream all this crazy stuff but I wish restful dreams would find me again. I’m so tired anymore because I’m just not sleeping well. You know how you feel when you dream all night and you wake up tired because it feels like you haven’t rested at all. Well that’s me lately. I could go on and on about this, but I won’t, but it was something I just needed to get off my chest.

I had my eye surgery and I am seeing better now. It feels so good to be able to blog again! So much happens in between blogs that I can’t remember it all when it comes time to update everyone on what’s happened. The eye surgery was particularly painful this time. I don’t know if it’s because my eyes weren’t totally recovered from the last surgery, but I pray everything heals properly this time and that I need no more in the future. I slept for days because your eyes feel so tired and the pain medicine does a good job at helping you sleep too. I still am not smoking and occasionally I want one but I don’t cave in to the temptation. I’m still wearing the patch to quit smoking but I don’t wear when I sleep (otherwise I would think I was having all those crazy dreams because of that). I go back for an eye check up in two weeks but everything seems to be going along well.

I did get Anayah finally!!! She is so stinking adorable. We are starting the potty training days all over again and I forget how much I hated those days. The other night she went over and peed on Danny’s side of the bed and he was so mad to wake up in her little puddle and he went to sleep on the couch because we didn’t have any clean bed sheets for me to change the bed. Needless to say I did some laundry and we have clean sheets on the bed now. In the beginning Asher really didn’t like her but now both he and Elowyn are warming up to her and playing with her now. I did have a dream that I got two more females (an American cream and another Isabella) and I think God is telling four females is my limit. So I spent the weekend looking up names to name them. The American cream will be named Amaris Abigail which means God has promised a source of joy and the Isabella will be named Isabel Rayah which means consecrated to God fellow love. Good names I think!

Other than that the big bosses came in to work yesterday and that was a chore! I worked Sunday and all day Monday trying to get the back room and the store looking good for when they came in. Then I asked Danny if I could shop for an appropriate outfit for when they came in and he said yes. I picked out this Christian shirt with a cute little vest over it and when I walked in they said I looked very Buckle-ish lol! I’m glad that’s over with because that wore me out. Well I guess I better get ready for church. I haven’t been to Wednesday night services in a while and I feel bad because he’s been giving some great teachings on the book of Acts. I hope all of you are doing well and I lift you up in prayer daily. May the Lord bless you and keep you safe in the palm of His loving hands.

Melissa Fitzwilliam