A Little More Information About My Upcoming Surgery....

I’m frustrated right now. Very, very frustrated!! And I can’t talk about it!! Why? Because it’s just too personal for a blog or facebook. What I’m realizing is maybe I’ve put too much personal stuff out there on my blog. I don’t know, but something has got to give. I was told before that I put too much information on here and I kind of blew it off, but now I’m having second thoughts. I’m having second thoughts about a lot of things. What? Well, I wonder what is my point on facebook? Am I so self absorbed that I think other people actually care about what happens in my day? And this blog, it’s not impacting anyone, it almost has no purpose other than provide me a place to vent. I’m thinking about canceling the importation from the blog to facebook and maybe put my blog on private. I don’t know. What I do know, is I’m not sure anymore. Maybe this is the depression talking, again I don’t know or maybe I’ve finally gotten fed up with just some little (big to me) things.

I thought I would clear up some questions about my upcoming surgery. There is a clinic down in Florida that does laser surgeries that Tara is going to go to. However, my insurance doesn’t cover it and it’s way too expensive for us to do. The three different doctors that I’ve talked to said it wouldn’t be an option further because my spinal cord is pushed so far to the right that it needs to be surgically repaired. It’s a scary thing to be for sure!!! There are two different options they’ve given to me but they both require surgery. One is an experimental procedure where the spine isn’t fused per say, but manipulated in some way that I would still have total movement but I don’t know if my health care will cover something experimental. He said if the experimental procedure didn’t work they could always go back and fuse it. The other option is to fuse it of course. I think I would like to try the experimental procedure if insurance would cover it, but we are awaiting approval for the surgery right now. They said if I don’t have this surgery it’s just a matter of time before I lose complete function of my right arm and I chance becoming paralyzed if I were to get hit in the head with the way my spinal cord is bent. Yes I’m awfully young to be considering this procedure, however, I’ve sought out three different opinions and they all say the same thing. So there you go! I hope this is a better explanation of the procedure and why I have to have it. I’m very optimistic about it. I will be in the hands of the best doctor in the state of Oklahoma! God will see me through this.

There’s not much other news. I still need to clean my house especially before this surgery, but I’m wondering if I need to go back to Misty and get my medicines tweaked again. I just don’t have the drive to do anything. I did cook for the first time in months the other night and Danny was so excited and that is so very sad. I know he would be super excited to come home to me cleaning rather than me blogging but what’s a girl suppose to do? I’m going to try to quit smoking yet again. I feel like a complete failure every time I pick one up. The doctor’s said I would heal better if I wasn’t smoking and Ciara just begs me to quit. I know it’s bad for me, but I have to tell you I totally believe now (to where I didn’t before) that it is a true addiction. I hate the thought of being addicted to something and letting something else control my life. So here we go again. I’m praying really hard that the Lord delivers me from this and once and for all I can be smoke-free. I have other things weighing heavy on my mind, but again for my sake I won’t share it. I will pray about it instead. I think I know what I should and need to do, now it’s just a matter of doing it. Well Danny’s home so I better get off of here. Blessings to you all!

Melissa Fitzwilliam