Excited About Tomorrow...

I’m not sure how I feel about my day today. I did a big no-no and slept until 12:30 and I didn’t even want to get up then. The counselor doesn’t want me sleeping more than ten hours a night, but anymore I’m sleeping at least twelve hours and even then I’m still tired. I know one of my medications makes me a little sleepy, but not twelve hours sleepy. I wonder if a small amount of depression is still working on me. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m so much better than what I was, but I don’t think I’m totally back to where I should be. I don’t think I’m far, but still far enough away from being totally content with who I am.

Once I got up I had me my normal cup of chocolate coffee and jumped on the computer. Anymore I think I’m as addicted to the computer as I am to my coffee. I think my family would confer on that too. I do love seeing what’s going on in the daily lives of others. Not in a nosey way, but in an interested way. If I spent as much time with God as I did on the computer I can’t imagine how awesome my spiritual life would be. Instead, ashamedly, I put Him on the back burner, knowing He will always be there. I take too much for granted where He is concerned and I need Him to change my heart. I need to be refreshed from the inside out; set on fire like I use to be. I know it begins with my willingness, I just need to get off of my preverbal butt and get busy with God. I long to thirst for Him again with an unquenchable desire, and hunger that goes so deep I can’t live a day without Him. I can’t live a day without Him and I do pray daily and seek Him in almost all of my decisions, but that’s not enough for me. I need to start my day out in the Word, rather than on the computer. I need the desire to know what’s going on in the mind of my Lord, rather than on the mind of His people. I’m failing on my main goal for this year already and I have no one to blame but myself.

After I got off the computer I did get busy on the house. I washed a few loads of laundry and started working on my bathroom. I get disgusted with myself that I let it go until it’s almost unbearable. However, I shook myself and made myself do something I just didn’t want to. Once I got started I felt so much better and I just kept going. I hung up my clothes, put my shoes away, and did a general straightening. I cleaned up on the kitchen some and of course checked in on the computer as I would pass by it. I changed our bed sheets and picked up a few things that were in our walk way in the bedroom. Little bits of this and little bits of that. Just another day in the life…

One thing I am excited about is tomorrow. I am going over to Tara’s house for some morning chocolate coffee and introducing it to the rest of her friends. It’s going to be like a great awakening! I’ll be able to turn people on to my passion of coffee and they will finally understand what I’m talking about. I probably go on about it a little too much, but I do love it. What I’m most looking forward to is the time of fellowship. It’s always interesting to meet new people who share a love for God the way I do. I hope to learn more about Him through them and maybe get that fire going in me again. Maybe I just need an accountability partner to keep me on track with my walk with Him. I’m not sure, but whatever the case it will be a great time.

I need to jump off here and do more laundry. It’s not bad, but Ciara only has two pair of jeans here (she left the rest at her dad’s house) so I’m washing them and her coat that she got sick on one morning. She’s also left all her coats over there and with it getting so cold, she has to have it! The dryer is off now so I’m going to go hang up some clothes now. I think after that I will head off to the shower and enjoy getting nice and warm because it’s cold in this house. Then I’ll lay out my clothes for tomorrow and probably do some snuggling with my hubby. Or maybe I’ll sit down and do some prayer journaling and read out of my Bible for awhile. Now that sounds like the best plan I’ve had all day!

Melissa Fitzwilliam