Jehovah-Rophe

Well I’ve been on the computer very little today and I have to say I have missed it! This is my only source of communication with others living so far out in the country. Through this I am able to have relationships and interaction with others that otherwise I would be without. Anita pointed that out to me yesterday and I was really thankful for that because many times I feel guilty for being on here so much. If I were writing books and earning money it would be understandable that I would be on here so much. Ciara says I need to write a called “My Daily Life-Struggles of the Depressed” lol! My poor baby knows a little too much about depression bless her heart. But living with a mommy who is severely depressed, she had to learn and learn quickly.

I started my day with the best news possible! My rotator cuff is not torn and I do not have to have surgery! Praise God for His great goodness! Now they are going to send me to physical therapy and try and figure out what is really going on with my shoulder. I have to say my body really felt as though something in there was torn! I believe in miraculous healings and I think that is what I have experienced. When I was lying in the MRI machine I just kept praying that the Lord would heal me and that they would find nothing on the scan and sure enough, that’s exactly what happened. He is the great Jehovah-Rophe “The Lord Who Heals”. That’s how my awesome day started and to me that was a direct answer to prayer because I was really worrying myself about it. I know the Bible says that worrying doesn’t add a minute to the day, and of course It’s right, but I was fretting none the less.

From there I hopped on the computer and got caught up with all my FaceBook friends. They have done so much to help through this time! I really appreciate all of them. I am still trying to learn about how this blogging thing works, because I am finding comments that I have missed. I wish there was so way it would alert me when I had a new comment! I decided not to do as much blogging as I did yesterday, because let’s be honest, yesterdays blogging was a little crazy! (lol) Danny and I started talking about how I needed to go grocery shopping before this next big winter storm hits so I look at the bank account and we only have $20.00 to get us through Thursday. So needless to say I did not go grocery shopping. I’m not sure what we’re going to do if we get snowed in, but God will provide.

I went and fed the animals and that chore is very soothing for me. Spending time out with the horses just has a way of calming me down. Today and yesterday Captain let me pet him with is a miracle. He is as wild as they come! The beauty in something so untamed, the fear in possessing something so wild is exhilarating. Rapha (means Giant One in Hebrew) is as sweet as ever. I’m going to hate to see the boys go, but we just can’t afford five horses. It’s a little much! Three is a much more manageable number and all we can afford. The rabbits are fat and sassy. We had another litter of babies, but again they didn’t make it and there’s no sign of them outside of the doe’s pulled hair. That’s a tale-tale sign that they have given birth is when the doe pulls the hair out on her stomach, but there is no evidence of baby bunnies anywhere. It makes me a little sad. This has to be our fifth litter of babies that didn’t make it. I don’t know if the mother’s are eating them or what, but all I know is we have some bad mothers. Ciara will be sad when she comes home tomorrow.

I did decide to go to the ladies Bible study tonight at church. I called Janice and asked her what we would be studying and she said Sunday’s sermon. I thought that was just perfect since I missed Sunday because I was sick. After hearing what they learned about, I have to get myself a CD! It answered so many of my questions about whether or not a truly saved person can ever lose their salvation. And the emphatic answer is no! Once you are truly saved nothing can pluck you from the hands of God! I’ve always believed in once saved always saved, but you really have to give your life to Christ and accept Him as your Lord and Savior. I also finished up the book of Joshua today. I read chapters 21-24 and it was going over land that was given to the Levites. Some of that is really dry reading and is hard to get through, but I made sure I paid attention anyways. One thing that Joshua was telling the Israelites is that they must love the Lord their God with all their hearts, soul, and mind. Worship Him alone and do not stray from the law. It’s good to be reminded of my priorities and that is to put God before all things. I do feel bad for the Israelites because they did have to obey the letter of the law and with us the law was fulfilled with Christ. That doesn’t mean we get to sin all we want! Christ said we show Him that we love Him by keeping the Word. That doesn’t mean we are a slave to the law either. We are (I would pray) glad servants of Christ, willing to follow where ever He would have us go.

After I left Bible study I talked with Ciara on the phone for a bit. We always miss each other so much when she spends the weekends with her dad. That’s the sorry price you pay for a divorce. I know it would’ve never worked between us, but I still hate spending time away from her. I told her that depending on the weather here (Oklahoma) there may not be a dance on Friday night like they are planning. We are supposed to get a big winter storm through here starting tomorrow night with all kinds of ice and snow. I hate it that we get all or nothing. We can have just a little dusting here or there, no it always comes as giant storms that end up knocking out our power, freezing up our waterlines, it’s a pain! She was really bummed to hear this and was complaining away about how horrible her life is because there might not be a dance. I told her the dramatics were a little much! I wish I were that age again (well with a different childhood maybe)! If I could have a childhood totally different than the one I had, then yes I would want to be that age again (12). Life should be simpler then. Mine wasn’t, but to the glory of God, Ciara’s is. I praise God everyday that Ciara doesn’t have the childhood that I had, but then again I made sure I did my part as her parent to guard her from all the evils I could. Maybe I’m overprotective, but I’ll never lose a night’s sleep because I was too lax and something happened to her. Oh no, not on my watch!

And that’s been my day. It amazes me that during the day my life seems so boring yet I start putting it down and it seems to jump to life. I think God is using this to make me see exactly how He is guiding my days. I can look back and see where He’s been all day. I’m happy to say my days are filled with His presence. I never want to go back to my depression when I couldn’t feel Him at all. Those were desperate times. But He has healed me and I have so much that I have been blessed with. Yes He is my Jehovah-Rophe, He heals my hurts and my brokenness and makes me whole again.

Melissa Fitzwilliam