I Sure Need Him...

I say I can’t believe their pettiness, but I don’t know why it should surprise me. This isn’t the first death that I have missed, but for whatever reason this one is hitting me hard. They didn’t tell me when Bea died and now Maxine has died and they have said their goodbyes and I am just finding out the news. It just reminds me of all the reasons why we don’t have a relationship. Why couldn’t have mom and grandma given me one call to let me know that Maxine had passed away? I’m hurt, crying, and right now I’m livid! I am somehow in shock and disbelief that they have done this again but I don’t know why. I guess it just proves how much they hate me and it drives that dagger in just that much deeper. I get mad because I can’t see how Ciara doesn’t see their deceptive and petty, bitter ways. Sometimes I just want to shake some sense into her. But she’s so young and she just doesn’t get it. I don’t want her to be poisoned by their lies. I can’t rest easy tonight because I don’t know that Maxine was a Christian. My soul can’t find any rest in the fact I will see her again, because it’s simply something I don’t know. I know she never went to church and she never spoke of God and was questioning my grandma’s faith. I pray that God comforts me because right now I sure need Him.

Melissa Fitzwilliam