Ciara's Christmas Program

Well I was a little nervous about going to Ciara’s program tonight because I knew my mom and grandma would be there. There is always that dread of a fight in the pit of my stomach and as the time grows near it makes me nauseous. However, I told myself that if an opportunity presented itself tonight I would be polite, kind, and loving to the extent to which they would allow. I can hardly complain about them being cold if I don’t put some effort out there myself. So we got Ciara to school on time and went and found us some seats. We looked for them to see if they had made it yet and as far as we could tell they hadn’t. We did finally see them come in, but they didn’t see us. When we (Danny and I) caught their eye we waved and smiled and got nothing in return. Normally my grandma will at least acknowledge us, but not tonight. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t still a little angry about not being told about Maxine’s death, but I thought there is nothing I can do about it so move forward. I still decided if another opportunity presented itself I would still be polite. We watched the program and it was good. It’s always neat to see you kid up there singing! It’s one thing that just doesn’t grow old. I think she did a tremendous job and it made me smile watching her. However, overshadowing her singing, was their presence. That sounds horrible but it’s true. When she was done we had already decided we wouldn’t be staying for the rest of the program, so we looked all over the school for Ciara and couldn’t find her. Finally Danny said he was going to go warm up the truck while I continued to look for her. After what seemed like forever I finally found her and told her it was time to go, but she wanted to go in there and tell them goodbye. I told her I would be waiting out in the truck for her because the next portion of the program was going on and I didn’t want to be a disturbance to it. She came out with them after about five minutes and when they came out the door both Danny and I yelled out hi to them from the truck. Again we were never acknowledged. It’s so sad when they can’t even be civil at Ciara’s Christmas program. I shouldn’t be surprised over the way they acted, but there is still a small part of me that wishes things were just fine between us. I was surprised at the way grandma acted because normally she is the level headed on between the two of them. So now we are back at home and I’m drinking my hot tea, getting ready to call it a night. It’s been a long day in a weird sort of way even though I didn’t get up till late. Tomorrow I’m really going to try to get some work done around the house along with going and getting feed for all the animals. We’ll see what the Lord has in store for us. For tonight I pray I have good dreams and that they are undisturbed by dreams of them. Anymore they seem to even invade my dreams and I have a hard time getting a good, restful night’s sleep while I dream about them. So hopefully tonight will be filled with visions of sugared plums dancing over my head lol. A woman can wish can’t she!

Melissa Fitzwilliam