Work, or Not to Work, that is the Question...

For awhile now I’ve been praying on whether or not I should get a job. Things have been tight since I stopped working for the Keathley’s, but we’ve manage to get by. Of course, that was before Danny got the truck and now with Christmas coming up and Ciara’s birthday, times are going to be tighter than ever. Tanya is working up at the Corner Tag Agency and they’ve had a full time position come open. This is the second time this job has become available, but I’ve put off putting in an application because frankly I don’t want to work forty hours a week. I am much more suited for a part time position. If I get this job it will mean that Danny has to get up every day and pick Ciara up at school and with him working, I wonder if this would really happen. He really wants me to try for this position and he said even if it were just for a few months it would really help out. I think I have felt God tugging at my heart about this, but sometimes I have trouble discerning between God’s voice and the voices inside my head (lol). Tanya called me yesterday and said the position was available again. One of my other concerns is that both times the position became available both girls only lasted 2-3 days. Is the job that difficult; is the boss that overbearing that they could only last that long? Or is it simply it didn’t work out because I am meant to have this job. To be honest, working forty hours a week through the holidays has no appeal to me, but maybe it would take some stress off knowing we had more money coming in. Right now I’m just not sure. I know working with Tanya would be very nice, but that can’t be my reason for going to work. I don’t want to resent Danny either for him wanting me to get this job either. I don’t think I would even entertain the thought of going to apply if he wasn’t giving me a gentle push. The other concern is how will it affect my depression? Maybe it will help because I will have a sense of purpose, or it could totally stress me out and make the depression worse. I would also be working every Saturday so I could have off a half a day during the week to go to my counselor’s appointments and my other doctor’s appointments. I don’t want to work on Saturday’s but what are my other options? Michelle thought there might be a part time job working with the Keathley’s again, but Danny didn’t really want me doing that since he feels working there sent me into my depression. I know working there was stressful, but I would be doing something totally different this time, but I still haven’t heard back from Michelle to see if the position had even been created. I’m really not sure what I should be doing. Working full time, part time, or not working at all. I know I do love staying at home and the luxuries it allows, but there are also other luxuries I’ve had to give up to stay here. My question would then be; has the sacrifices that had to be made to stay at home worth it? Right now I would say yes, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not supposed to go out and apply for that job. So in light of all this, I guess I need to start getting ready to go up there and put in an application. I relying on the fact that if God doesn’t want me to have this position He will make sure I don’t get it. I’m also praying that if He does want me to have the position He will open that door and give me the strength to accomplish it. There is so much to think about that I haven’t really been able to enjoy my chocolate coffee as I contemplate all of this. It is a beautiful morning, as I sit out here typing this. I want to do the will of God, and I know He will be faithful to show me what that will is, if I just depend on Him. I do wonder what it will mean for my Bible study? Will I be able to keep it up working this much? And I know that these relaxing mornings typing and enjoying the sun will be gone, but if my family benefits from me doing this, then isn’t it worth it? So many questions, so early in the morning. All I know is God will bring to pass His plan in my life and whatever He works out will be in my best interest, of this I can be certain!

Melissa Fitzwilliam