There is a peace today. I am at home with Danny just relaxing. While I still don’t feel well enough to be out and about, it’s a better day. The day seems a little brighter and it seems like the medicines are slowly beginning to work. I made him a brunch consisting of noodles and you could tell he really enjoyed it. I did something I would’ve done when I was well, yet I’m still not there yet. There is a happiness knowing he is content to have me at home with him and we having nothing pressing to do. The medicine’s side effects are still weighing heavy on me, and I’m beginning to wonder if they will go away or it’s something I’m going to have to learn to live with. The thought of being well with no meds is something I covet, but it doesn’t seem that God is going to heal me outright at the moment. I haven’t given up my prayer that this major depression just disappears and I get back to living a joyful life, but I must learn to be content where God has me right now. Maybe not content, but a peace knowing He knows what’s best for me and He wouldn’t purpose this for nothing, He means it for my good. Of course I cannot see how this is good for me right now, but I’m trying so hard to have that faith that if He brought me to it, He’ll bring me through it. It’s going on a full year of this great depression and it seems I have been in the dark for so long know and I long to be surrounded by the bright and warm Son. I know He has been here but He has felt so far away for so long. It’s been a dry dark valley in the desert that I’ve walked through and I wonder what will wait me when I get to a place where I can breathe freely the fresh air again? I long to be refreshed by the Fountain of Living Water and revived in the Spirit. But for now I will live in the portion of peace He has given me for today and bask in the grace that is new. And I will pray that my healing may be complete and I will live another day filled with His joy once again.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
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