The Plea of a Weary Child

There are days the weariness begins before your feet ever touch the floor. Those days the dawn’s soft glow invades that peace, and you shield your face from the light of a new day. If given a chance right then you would choose to pull the covers back over your head and let the world continue it’s centrifugal pace without you. You know the world could make it without you for just one day. The weariness may start out with slightness, but as the day progresses and you push yourself forward, it weighs down on you all the harder. Not the weary feeling of being tired, no it’s the ache in the soul that puts a shadow on the brightest day. It’s the cloud that drizzles on you so lightly, yet enough for it to seep in. You see it in you countenance as you see yourself in the reflection of mirror. The eyes are hollow, empty, sad; the face drawn that even a fake smile can’t hide. One could see it if they would care to look into the depths of my eyes. However, most don’t want to see that deeply, but are content with all that is superficial. I can give you superficial; I have become an expert in it. Who really wants to involve themselves with what lies beneath? The tragedy is it only lies beneath because no one cares enough to look just under the surface of superficiality. The sun rises higher and so does the desire to just get away; to find that quiet place that is calling out to your soul. Yet today has already been determined that it will have its way, and quietness will not be found. In the absence of quiet you find, frustration, impatience, annoyance, sudden unexpected anger, and just the urge to turn inward and push everything and everyone else away. I don’t need a nap, not a longer nights sleep, no sweeter dreams than those of last night; just peace. My soul, in its weariness, longs for tranquility, serenity, anything but what darkens the harmony that could be found, if just given the chance. I need the soothing gentleness of a touch that can’t be found here. I need a heavenly touch to calm all the frayed edges, to smooth away the worry lines, and an embrace that tells me that everything will be ok. I need the One who always sees past the superficial and cares enough to look beneath what I would choose to remain unseen. I need the One who eases the rages, even the rages that only scream on the inside. I need grace for the weariness that troubles my soul and the Light that can chase away the shadow that would try to stay. I need mercy for my selfishness of wanting to hide, and thinking I know what’s best in assuming the world could do without me for one day. I mean after all, who am I in the grand scheme of things? One important enough to be knitted together in His image, important enough to know the numbers of hairs on my head, special enough to be called friend, precious enough to be saved. Today maybe I need to be saved from myself and my own self absorbed inclinations. But I do know that the yoke of the world is too heavy for me, the yoke is too heavy to be me, in all my frailties’, in all my insecurities, in my abundant imperfections, in my failings without end. You have promised Your yoke is light, so where might I exchange my yoke for Yours? Where can I trade my weariness for Your joy? Where can I be the beloved and come to the Beloved, spotless, beautiful, pure, and whole? Where can I come to find Your heavenly touch that cleanses me from all the shame that makes the emptiness in me cry out? When can I come sit at Your feet and have my tears wiped by those beautiful nail scarred hands? Can’t You see I want to be rescued and freed, reconciled to You? How can I be filled with You so this emptiness is shed and the weights of the chain of sin no longer bind me? This child of Yours’ longs to nestle inside Your wings, to be held on Your lap, sit around Your throne, just praising You with the heart that You have made new. I know my soul will be restored and the weariness will but a faint memory as I am surrounded in the brilliance of Your glory. I don’t need gates of pearls, streets of gold, a crystal sea, a tree that bears twelve different fruits in all seasons. Heaven is found dwelling in Your presence, being embraced in Your love. Until You can give me the desires of my heart of running into Your arms, can You hold me tonight and restore me? Melt the weariness that has darkened the heart of the one that adores You and let my heart only be found rejoicing in You. Don’t let me become anything but the one You would say is after Your very heart. So if my eyes aren’t lifted up, seeking Your face, if my hands aren’t raised, my knees aren’t bowed in prayer, come refine what You will. And in the end may my soul be a reflection of Your beauty; and may I find my contentment in being Your future bride, the love of Your heart, as You are my Bridegroom and my forever Beloved. May I remember that I will always be the precious, cherished child who’s blessed with a Father’s love that always reaches down and finds me where ever I may be. The One longing to fulfill my wishes and refresh this weary child.

Melissa Fitzwilliam