Just another day in the life of someone truly depressed. It’s a beautiful day and I try and thank God for another opportunity to live a little better today. That’s what the counselor says to do. Baby steps. Make today a little better than yesterday, do one thing you didn’t do yesterday. Today I get Ciara back and I know I have to try and be better for her, but I need to be better for me. I started the day out productive by getting a shower. People don’t understand that the simplest things, like showering, are overwhelming when you’re depressed. I put dishes away, though there weren’t many, it was still one more accomplishment. I’ve washed a load of clothes for Danny, but now they need to be dried and folded and that sounds like so much. Today I hurt. Deep aches over my body that make me want to curl up and just sleep. I have so little energy. What really hurts is today should be a blessed day because it’s my anniversary, and while I find happiness in my wonderful husband, the hurt comes from the lack of complete joy. Does he make me happy? Yes! Do I regret anything? Nothing. Yet there is also pain that I am not the wife he needs me to be and he deserves it. I wonder how to be that wife today and I’m at a loss. Yes I’ll wash and fold his clothes for work tonight, but what else can I do to show him just how much he means to me? Today I will try to be thankful for another day and do a little something extra, though I’m not sure what. I will praise God for bringing Danny into my life and for God’s strength to live through another day of depression.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
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