Searching for Peace

What is this thing that many call by the name of peace? What does peace entail and what does it take to get it? Is it something to be earned or gained by a merited act? Does it have a price and if it does what exactly will it cost me? You see, I know that whatever this peace is, it’s something I don’t have. I have no claim to it and what it is costing me is beyond anything I can measure. What must be present for peace to come? Is it something I can hold, something I can cling to in the dark of the night? Will it hold me afloat when the tempest blows and waters swell over my head? Can it bring the sun back to a life that’s been lived in the shadows for too long? Will it break me out of the prison walls that surround me, even though I couldn’t tell you how I got here? Can I feel warmth again even if the sun isn’t shining on me? Will a faint smile return in the quiet moments, knowing they are my moments to do with what I will? If I have it, can I breathe again? Will I still want to hide from the shame of the past, the pain of today, and the uncertainty of tomorrow? Does this peace that is spoken of equal to that of freedom? How far would peace free me? Where would I still be bound? I hear those who boast of the peace they have found and I wonder why it eludes me. What must I do to obtain it? Many speak as though it is so easy to have, but if it’s so easy, what holds me from it? I just long for more; more than what has been offered to me from this hard life. Surely it is within my grasp, since so many others have it. Frustration is overwhelming, knowing that it’s just beyond my reach. It’s always moving away from my fingertips, never taking a hold of it for myself. Where is the path to peace and is there one who will walk me along the way, holding my hand? Because I know that while I walk toward that place of peace, snares will be waiting for me on every side. Jagged thorns will be waiting to snatch me and keep me from the journey I so long to take. I can’t make it on my own, so if you’re there, if you can hear me, can you take my hand and start guiding me down the path? Can you be my light in the dark of the night? Will you hold me afloat when life threatens to pull me under in the tempest that rages on? Will you be the sun to shine upon me, casting all the shadows aside? Will you break the walls that block the way to the place that you lead me to? Will you provide me warmth where the cold has invaded so deep within my soul? Will you be my smile in the quiet moments that we travel together, knowing they are our moments to do with what we will? Will you breathe for me when I can’t breathe for myself? And if my chance I fall along the way will you carry me when I don’t have the strength to walk another step? I want this peace that so many songs are sung about. I want to lift my voice with those who you have already led there. So if I promise to follow, will you promise to guide and never leave me a step behind? I’ll hold your hand, though it drips with blood, and never pull away. I’ll follow the footprints that are marked with blood with each step you take. Step for step, hand in hand; lead me to peace with you eternally.

Melissa Fitzwilliam