I Just Don't Know...

Well I’m beginning to wonder if this reconciliation with my mother is short lived. It seems like our main problem through the years has been Danny. She has this problem with Danny and I don’t know what it is. I can’t understand it. We have been to counseling, hashed things out, but it’s never worked. I got a text from her this morning saying while she’s ready to repair the relationship with me, she’s unsure how to proceed with Danny. She says there’s been so many hurts, but Danny has never done anything with her. She has to understand that in order to have a relationship with me she has to accept Danny too. She wants to lay fault at Danny’s feet that is really my fault. I can’t seem to convince her that Danny has done no wrong. He’s a great guy!! She says she knows things that she’s not going to get into and to me what that reads is she’s not going to get into it nor is she going to give us a chance to defend ourselves. I’m so confused right now. She wants to have a sit down meeting with just the two of us, Danny is not to be there (I don’t want to say he’s not welcome, but I guess on her side he’s not), and go over past hurts. To me the past is the past! You can choose to forgive and move on or remember and grow bitter and let it eat you alive.

What I also don’t understand, is why is the relationship so hard!! A relationship between a mother and a daughter shouldn’t be this much work!!!! I long for a healthy relationship with her, but I’ve wondered for the longest time if that will ever be possible. She says she prays (and I believe her) and that she’s leaving her relationship with Danny in His hands, but she’s got to meet Danny half way! She says she’s willing to meet me half way but what about him?! He’s my world! I’m not whole without him!!! She can’t have just me because she wouldn’t be getting the better part of me. The best part of me lies in his heart!!! I know we get on here and declare our great love for one another quite often, but it’s just the truth. We’ve had many hard spots in our marriage, but God has seen us through it all. There is nothing of nothing that can separate us! I told my mom long ago to not make me choose because I had already made my choice when I married Danny. Please understand, I don’t mean for this to sound harsh (and much of this is just me venting) I just long to understand.

I don’t know what to do. That’s the biggest problem right now. It literally drove me to smoking today I was so stressed out! I felt like a failure, but at the same time I “needed” one so bad! I’m too early in the process to start beating myself up. Yes I failed today, but there is always tomorrow! (Have you noticed how many !!! I have in this thing lol) I know she’s waiting on an answer and I don’t know how to respond. I can only sing Danny’s praises so much, before it’s finally laid at her feet and up to her to make a decision. I will continue to sing Danny’s praises because I just can’t help myself. He’s my best friend, my husband, and yes my soul mate!!! He means more to me than words can say. I won’t leave him behind to have a relationship with her. I don’t want to go down the “hash road” again because it only brings trouble. This is my only night to meet with her and I’m wondering if I should go in and just get it over and done with. I just don’t know….I just don’t know….

Melissa Fitzwilliam