I went to see Anita today and we had a good visit. She seems to think I’m struggling with some anger issues and she tells me that forgiveness is the key. I must say there are some things that are easier to forgive than others. I know I’m dealing with some unforgiveness in my heart and I’m not sure how to change that. At this point there are things I can’t even pray about because I get angry just thinking about it. I know we are suppose to forgive much because there is much that we have been forgiven. But that is where you know God is God and you are not. What I don’t want is bitterness to creep in where anger has taken root. The other hard thing is I feel that my anger is a righteous one. No I haven’t chosen to act upon it, so I haven’t sinned in my anger but still, it’s something I can’t change so the only person it’s hurting is me. This is something I will have to pray about and ask God to bring forgiveness and peace to my heart. I can’t allow the enemy to have any access to me and in my continued anger that’s what I’m allowing to happen.
I received a text from Michelle today that Terry’s funeral will be this Friday. I will have to take off work to go to the funeral but they’ve already said it would be ok to be off work that day. I think I need to go and pay my respects and I just need additional confirmation that he truly was a Christian. I want to rest in the fact that he is now with our Savior in glory. I would be heartbroken to find out that he wasn’t a Christian with all the opportunities that I had to share the gospel with him. Yes I lived my life as an example but sometimes we have to do more than that. I have come to the conclusion that I am not as outspoken about my Lord as I need to be. I’m not sure how to change this, but I want to live for Him not only by example of my life, but with words from my lips. This is something I will have to pray about and ask God’s help in stepping outside my comfort zone and professing Him as loudly as possible.
Other than that it’s been a relatively calm day. I have felt restless and frazzled today for some reason but the why of it escapes me. I don’t feel calm inside but indifferent. Skyler is over today and he’s set up our printer and fax machine. He’s also piddled on the computers and got them to where they need to be. Typically all we do is feed him dinner because he says that’s payment enough, but this time we’re giving him money because he is trying to earn some to build himself his own computer. We won’t be going to church tonight since Skyler is over. Also Rick and Kathy went home tonight and I think Danny is a little relieved. He says as much as he loves them and appreciates all they do, he was ready to have a night with just the family. Well I guess I better run. I want to look for Aniyah for awhile and see if I can find my new baby. I know she’s out there it’s just a matter of finding her. I think I’m also going to go swimming for awhile. I just need to relax for a little bit. Just know you are in my prayers and I ask you to continue to pray for me. Blessings to you all!!!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
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Thanks for sharing about your anger. I know I have struggled with that myself. I eventually had to confess to God I couldn't get over my anger and asked for his forgiveness to come into my heart. Eventually it did. I have to keep forgiving though when the nasty reminders/memories come up. About sharing your faith, one simple thing I've learned as it's hard for me to openly "preach" is to just ask questions. I had an opportunity with my sister where I said, You know I've never really asked directly what you believe. So what do you believe about God and Jesus? And we ended up having a great time of sharing back and forth. Sometimes you might bring up a verse and ask them what they think when they hear it. Just a couple ideas to spur you on. Blessings to you on your journey!
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