I’m not sure how I feel about my day today. I did a big no-no and slept until 12:30 and I didn’t even want to get up then. The counselor doesn’t want me sleeping more than ten hours a night, but anymore I’m sleeping at least twelve hours and even then I’m still tired. I know one of my medications makes me a little sleepy, but not twelve hours sleepy. I wonder if a small amount of depression is still working on me. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m so much better than what I was, but I don’t think I’m totally back to where I should be. I don’t think I’m far, but still far enough away from being totally content with who I am.
Once I got up I had me my normal cup of chocolate coffee and jumped on the computer. Anymore I think I’m as addicted to the computer as I am to my coffee. I think my family would confer on that too. I do love seeing what’s going on in the daily lives of others. Not in a nosey way, but in an interested way. If I spent as much time with God as I did on the computer I can’t imagine how awesome my spiritual life would be. Instead, ashamedly, I put Him on the back burner, knowing He will always be there. I take too much for granted where He is concerned and I need Him to change my heart. I need to be refreshed from the inside out; set on fire like I use to be. I know it begins with my willingness, I just need to get off of my preverbal butt and get busy with God. I long to thirst for Him again with an unquenchable desire, and hunger that goes so deep I can’t live a day without Him. I can’t live a day without Him and I do pray daily and seek Him in almost all of my decisions, but that’s not enough for me. I need to start my day out in the Word, rather than on the computer. I need the desire to know what’s going on in the mind of my Lord, rather than on the mind of His people. I’m failing on my main goal for this year already and I have no one to blame but myself.
After I got off the computer I did get busy on the house. I washed a few loads of laundry and started working on my bathroom. I get disgusted with myself that I let it go until it’s almost unbearable. However, I shook myself and made myself do something I just didn’t want to. Once I got started I felt so much better and I just kept going. I hung up my clothes, put my shoes away, and did a general straightening. I cleaned up on the kitchen some and of course checked in on the computer as I would pass by it. I changed our bed sheets and picked up a few things that were in our walk way in the bedroom. Little bits of this and little bits of that. Just another day in the life…
One thing I am excited about is tomorrow. I am going over to Tara’s house for some morning chocolate coffee and introducing it to the rest of her friends. It’s going to be like a great awakening! I’ll be able to turn people on to my passion of coffee and they will finally understand what I’m talking about. I probably go on about it a little too much, but I do love it. What I’m most looking forward to is the time of fellowship. It’s always interesting to meet new people who share a love for God the way I do. I hope to learn more about Him through them and maybe get that fire going in me again. Maybe I just need an accountability partner to keep me on track with my walk with Him. I’m not sure, but whatever the case it will be a great time.
I need to jump off here and do more laundry. It’s not bad, but Ciara only has two pair of jeans here (she left the rest at her dad’s house) so I’m washing them and her coat that she got sick on one morning. She’s also left all her coats over there and with it getting so cold, she has to have it! The dryer is off now so I’m going to go hang up some clothes now. I think after that I will head off to the shower and enjoy getting nice and warm because it’s cold in this house. Then I’ll lay out my clothes for tomorrow and probably do some snuggling with my hubby. Or maybe I’ll sit down and do some prayer journaling and read out of my Bible for awhile. Now that sounds like the best plan I’ve had all day!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Getting Better!!!
Today isn’t over yet but it is time to sit down and put down my thoughts. It has occurred to me that many won’t read this because there’s not much worth reading. I mean after all who wants to follow the day in the life of a stay at home wife and mom. However, I will do it anyway because I think I’ve discovered that it really does help my state of mind. I get daily vent sessions built in! Not that I do so much venting as blogging, but as long as I can get these thoughts somewhere other than just my head seems to help.
I started out my day pretty early (well early for me anyways) because I had my appointment with Anita (my counselor) and I didn’t want to drive out to the house, to have to rush to get ready, only to rush back into town. That’s too much rushing! So instead I got ready early and decided to head to my favorite place, Panera. Now it’s not the food or the coffee (they have no chocolate coffee!) that draws me to the place but the company. There are older men (read 60’s-70’s) there that I just adore! We always have the greatest conversations and I feel like one of the guys at the coffee table. Today Mac, Carl, and Dave were there and we had a wonderful talk. They are always interested to hear the latest drama going on in my life and were pleasantly surprised to hear was none. Instead we filled the time with stories of the holidays and New Year. It was a nice visit even though I didn’t stay long. They miss seeing Ciara (I’ve been going there since she was 5!) and tell me I should bring her by soon. I packed up there and it was time to head to Anita’s.
On the drive up to Anita’s I really tried to think of things to tell her. It dawned on me that there wasn’t much to say even though it’s been two weeks since I’ve seen her. That within itself is tremendous progress. It use to be that I could barely make it through a week without talking to her and now I’m going two weeks and have so little to say. I wonder how much of that is due to all the blogging and purging my daily life out of my system. Of course, I can’t give the credit to the blogging either, but the credit belongs to God. The Lord has delivered me from so much in this past year that it blows my mind. He is the reason I have come as far as I have. He has provided me with a great doctor and a wonderful counselor who are both great Christian ladies and that lifts my spirits.
So I get up to Anita’s and we start going over the events of the holidays. I tell her about the progress with my mom and the fact that my resentment towards my ex-husband has really faded away. I told her I went into the holidays with few expectations and that this was the best set of holidays I had experienced in I couldn’t remember when. She was excited to hear about my growth and gave the credit to the Lord. We also talked about my quitting smoking and how I’ve done so far with it. I told her outside of a few cheats I’ve done really well. I don’t want the cigarette, I just miss the act of smoking which she says will pass with time. And I sure hope she’s right! As we came toward the end of our session it occurred to me that we have cut back from 45 minutes to 30 minutes! So there is more progress. And then she tells me I’m doing so well (and she’s proud of me!) that she thinks at the end of this month we can officially go to once every two weeks. My depression has gotten so much better that I just don’t need the weekly visits anymore! What a great day!
I came home to a sleeping family at noon! They were still out so I put on the chocolate coffee and of course hopped on the computer. I didn’t stay on incredibly long because I knew I needed to get something done around the house. Tara and I decided to fire our cleaning fairy because she wasn’t doing her job. So that meant I had to clean myself lol. I was able to get the kitchen completely clean and I worked on the living room some to. By the time I got all that done it was time to go get Ciara from school. I grabbed her and ran to the grocery store to pick up a few items. While we were there we ran into a friend from church and stood there and talked to her for about 30 minutes.
Now I’m back home and going to start dinner soon. I should get some of the Christmas stuff down, but I doubt that I will. I should go in there and work on my bathroom and that is something I probably will do! Heaven knows I need to! I’m content with the rest of the house right now and wouldn’t be too horrified if some random person walked in. I need to vacuum but Danny says he will later on and I think I’ll let him. I think I’m going to go get me something to munch on before dinner and sit down and watch TV for awhile. I seems like a good plan for the moment!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I started out my day pretty early (well early for me anyways) because I had my appointment with Anita (my counselor) and I didn’t want to drive out to the house, to have to rush to get ready, only to rush back into town. That’s too much rushing! So instead I got ready early and decided to head to my favorite place, Panera. Now it’s not the food or the coffee (they have no chocolate coffee!) that draws me to the place but the company. There are older men (read 60’s-70’s) there that I just adore! We always have the greatest conversations and I feel like one of the guys at the coffee table. Today Mac, Carl, and Dave were there and we had a wonderful talk. They are always interested to hear the latest drama going on in my life and were pleasantly surprised to hear was none. Instead we filled the time with stories of the holidays and New Year. It was a nice visit even though I didn’t stay long. They miss seeing Ciara (I’ve been going there since she was 5!) and tell me I should bring her by soon. I packed up there and it was time to head to Anita’s.
On the drive up to Anita’s I really tried to think of things to tell her. It dawned on me that there wasn’t much to say even though it’s been two weeks since I’ve seen her. That within itself is tremendous progress. It use to be that I could barely make it through a week without talking to her and now I’m going two weeks and have so little to say. I wonder how much of that is due to all the blogging and purging my daily life out of my system. Of course, I can’t give the credit to the blogging either, but the credit belongs to God. The Lord has delivered me from so much in this past year that it blows my mind. He is the reason I have come as far as I have. He has provided me with a great doctor and a wonderful counselor who are both great Christian ladies and that lifts my spirits.
So I get up to Anita’s and we start going over the events of the holidays. I tell her about the progress with my mom and the fact that my resentment towards my ex-husband has really faded away. I told her I went into the holidays with few expectations and that this was the best set of holidays I had experienced in I couldn’t remember when. She was excited to hear about my growth and gave the credit to the Lord. We also talked about my quitting smoking and how I’ve done so far with it. I told her outside of a few cheats I’ve done really well. I don’t want the cigarette, I just miss the act of smoking which she says will pass with time. And I sure hope she’s right! As we came toward the end of our session it occurred to me that we have cut back from 45 minutes to 30 minutes! So there is more progress. And then she tells me I’m doing so well (and she’s proud of me!) that she thinks at the end of this month we can officially go to once every two weeks. My depression has gotten so much better that I just don’t need the weekly visits anymore! What a great day!
I came home to a sleeping family at noon! They were still out so I put on the chocolate coffee and of course hopped on the computer. I didn’t stay on incredibly long because I knew I needed to get something done around the house. Tara and I decided to fire our cleaning fairy because she wasn’t doing her job. So that meant I had to clean myself lol. I was able to get the kitchen completely clean and I worked on the living room some to. By the time I got all that done it was time to go get Ciara from school. I grabbed her and ran to the grocery store to pick up a few items. While we were there we ran into a friend from church and stood there and talked to her for about 30 minutes.
Now I’m back home and going to start dinner soon. I should get some of the Christmas stuff down, but I doubt that I will. I should go in there and work on my bathroom and that is something I probably will do! Heaven knows I need to! I’m content with the rest of the house right now and wouldn’t be too horrified if some random person walked in. I need to vacuum but Danny says he will later on and I think I’ll let him. I think I’m going to go get me something to munch on before dinner and sit down and watch TV for awhile. I seems like a good plan for the moment!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Skyler Came Over...
Well today turned out to be a grand day altogether! It started out with a wonderful sermon from Don and it was so incredibly moving. He taught out of Hebrews and how Christ is our High Priest and how He has been tempted in every aspect that we are yet is without sin. He gets us and loves us just the same. He loves pouring out His mercy and grace. He doesn’t get frustrated and want to throw up His hands every time we mess up just thinking, “Fine, I’ll give you another chance if I have to.” No instead He loves us deeply and looks on us as His cherished children. What a wonderful way to start out your day, knowing you are chosen by God and loved by Him.
After church we had a fellowship dinner that was very good. I ate more than I should, but all the food was so good I just couldn’t stop myself. The fellowship with God’s family members was even better. We chatted and got caught up on the latest events, such as what we did on New Year’s Eve. I filled them in on our evening at Nonna’s and the wonderful fun we had playing Farkle at Ma’s afterwards. I also got to see Josh who is leaving for Afghanistan on Wednesday and had a wonderful visit with him. Lord knows my thoughts and prayers will be with him as he serves over there for two years. He is ready and excited to go. He actually signed up to go over there, which amazes me and makes me so very proud of him.
I came home and started picking up the house because I knew Skyler was coming over to work on the computer today and to also work on the entertainment center. There wasn’t much I could do but stand by when he worked on the computer, but I served him the famous chocolate coffee and some coke and we had wonderful conversation. After he worked on the computers for a couple of hours he was finally able to finish up as much as he could (and he got so much done!), and he started on the entertainment center. I was actually able to help on that one which made me really excited that I could be of some assistance. Rather than fixing the one problem with the center, he thinks it would be better if we just totally rewire everything! This is no small feat! We have so much in this system that it isn’t even funny. Yet with the both of us working on it, it only took us about two hours to get it done. That’s not bad considering all the wires we had to undo and redo! Skyler was a huge help and so as payment to him we made him dinner. We had pork chops, noodles, and veggies. Danny made the pork chops and they were so good. We tried to pay Skyler for his help and he wouldn’t take anything, he said dinner was payment enough. I made a chocolate cake and sent some home with him. I swear I would adopt that boy if I could. He’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever met!
Right now we are getting ready to play Farkle with Steve and I’m looking forward to it. I didn’t get anything accomplished on the house today, but there’s always tomorrow. God was so good to us today, through His message, and through family members through Christ. It makes me so very thankful that I am called a child of God and that I am a member in the family of God. May the Lord bless you today and tomorrow and all the days to come. He is great in His goodness and endless in His loving mercy.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
After church we had a fellowship dinner that was very good. I ate more than I should, but all the food was so good I just couldn’t stop myself. The fellowship with God’s family members was even better. We chatted and got caught up on the latest events, such as what we did on New Year’s Eve. I filled them in on our evening at Nonna’s and the wonderful fun we had playing Farkle at Ma’s afterwards. I also got to see Josh who is leaving for Afghanistan on Wednesday and had a wonderful visit with him. Lord knows my thoughts and prayers will be with him as he serves over there for two years. He is ready and excited to go. He actually signed up to go over there, which amazes me and makes me so very proud of him.
I came home and started picking up the house because I knew Skyler was coming over to work on the computer today and to also work on the entertainment center. There wasn’t much I could do but stand by when he worked on the computer, but I served him the famous chocolate coffee and some coke and we had wonderful conversation. After he worked on the computers for a couple of hours he was finally able to finish up as much as he could (and he got so much done!), and he started on the entertainment center. I was actually able to help on that one which made me really excited that I could be of some assistance. Rather than fixing the one problem with the center, he thinks it would be better if we just totally rewire everything! This is no small feat! We have so much in this system that it isn’t even funny. Yet with the both of us working on it, it only took us about two hours to get it done. That’s not bad considering all the wires we had to undo and redo! Skyler was a huge help and so as payment to him we made him dinner. We had pork chops, noodles, and veggies. Danny made the pork chops and they were so good. We tried to pay Skyler for his help and he wouldn’t take anything, he said dinner was payment enough. I made a chocolate cake and sent some home with him. I swear I would adopt that boy if I could. He’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever met!
Right now we are getting ready to play Farkle with Steve and I’m looking forward to it. I didn’t get anything accomplished on the house today, but there’s always tomorrow. God was so good to us today, through His message, and through family members through Christ. It makes me so very thankful that I am called a child of God and that I am a member in the family of God. May the Lord bless you today and tomorrow and all the days to come. He is great in His goodness and endless in His loving mercy.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Saturday, January 2, 2010
A Great Day With a Friend...
Today turned out to be a good day. I didn’t get everything accomplished that I wanted to, but I think the things I do were worth it! I went to go see a friend, Crystal, and we hadn’t seen each other in over a year! That’s a long time in a friendship like ours. The only reason we didn’t was because of my depression. I stopped reaching out to everyone I cared about and in the process was a bad friends to those closest to me. She’s been there with me through so much and I’m so thankful for her friendship.
So we went to the AT&T store to go shop for her a phone. Her blackberry had been acting up for awhile now and she was just sick of it. We did very little looking because I think her heart was set before we walked through the doors. I let her look at my iPhone and told her she could tool around on it as much as she wanted. When she got the prices for the iPhones they were amazing! My phone was $200.00 cheaper than when I got mine! I told her I was jealous lol. Also if she went to the iPhone her monthly bill would go down over $30.00 a month. So there were many advantages to getting, and so she did! So now I have another iPhone buddy to add to my list.
After that we went to eat at Old Chicago. The food there is so good and the beer is even better! We both ordered a tall beer and just kicked back to talk. We had so much to catch up on and so we took our time going over the past year’s events. I also showed her some of the features of the iPhone and we had fun playing on our phones. I felt kind of bad for leaving the family, but I rarely do this kind of thing so I didn’t feel that bad. I decided since I had been such a bad friend (not calling or anything) that I should buy her meal for the evening and she was so appreciative. Danny had called and asked if I could stop at Wal-Mart when we got done and that happens to be her favorite store so she went there with me.
We got to Wal-Mart and it was a madhouse. I didn’t realize it was the 2nd and everyone with food stamps was there. She needed to get her a cover for her new phone so we went and grabbed that. I had to get a space heater for the well house (which I’m kind of worried about, but that’s another post), and quite a few groceries. But we took our time, chatting and having a good time in Wal-Mart if that’s possible. We were able to talk for an extra 30 minutes because the lines to check out were that long! We hugged and said goodbye and promised not to go that long again. Overall it turned out to be a great day with a friend.
I did call my grandma today to wish her a happy birthday. I did as Tara suggested and prayed the whole way to the highway (takes that long before I get good cell service), just thanking God for His goodness and praying that He would guide the conversation. The actual conversation didn’t last but maybe two minutes, but it was good. I told her I just called to wish her a happy birthday and she thanked me for calling and even told me she loved me as we were getting off the phone. I don’t think the conversation could’ve gone any better. After I got off the phone with her I had to call my ex-husband to see if I could get Ciara back tomorrow before she goes back to school. Again a short conversation, but there was no fighting or disagreeing and that’s always a positive with my ex.
I come home to my wonderful husband who missed me dearly while I was gone and it did feel good to come back to his arms. We always miss each other so much even when we’re only away from each other for short periods of time. I truly think we are a match made by the Creator of the heavens! I am so blessed to have him as a husband and I never take that for granted (well if I do, I don’t do it consciously). I’m ready for bed now and turning in. I’m not getting in bed as early as I’d like but I had to get all these things out of my head and on to some paper. I’ve got to get up early in the morning to go to church and we have a luncheon afterward. It should be a good time of fellowship! Hope everyone else had a good day today and many more to come in this new year.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
So we went to the AT&T store to go shop for her a phone. Her blackberry had been acting up for awhile now and she was just sick of it. We did very little looking because I think her heart was set before we walked through the doors. I let her look at my iPhone and told her she could tool around on it as much as she wanted. When she got the prices for the iPhones they were amazing! My phone was $200.00 cheaper than when I got mine! I told her I was jealous lol. Also if she went to the iPhone her monthly bill would go down over $30.00 a month. So there were many advantages to getting, and so she did! So now I have another iPhone buddy to add to my list.
After that we went to eat at Old Chicago. The food there is so good and the beer is even better! We both ordered a tall beer and just kicked back to talk. We had so much to catch up on and so we took our time going over the past year’s events. I also showed her some of the features of the iPhone and we had fun playing on our phones. I felt kind of bad for leaving the family, but I rarely do this kind of thing so I didn’t feel that bad. I decided since I had been such a bad friend (not calling or anything) that I should buy her meal for the evening and she was so appreciative. Danny had called and asked if I could stop at Wal-Mart when we got done and that happens to be her favorite store so she went there with me.
We got to Wal-Mart and it was a madhouse. I didn’t realize it was the 2nd and everyone with food stamps was there. She needed to get her a cover for her new phone so we went and grabbed that. I had to get a space heater for the well house (which I’m kind of worried about, but that’s another post), and quite a few groceries. But we took our time, chatting and having a good time in Wal-Mart if that’s possible. We were able to talk for an extra 30 minutes because the lines to check out were that long! We hugged and said goodbye and promised not to go that long again. Overall it turned out to be a great day with a friend.
I did call my grandma today to wish her a happy birthday. I did as Tara suggested and prayed the whole way to the highway (takes that long before I get good cell service), just thanking God for His goodness and praying that He would guide the conversation. The actual conversation didn’t last but maybe two minutes, but it was good. I told her I just called to wish her a happy birthday and she thanked me for calling and even told me she loved me as we were getting off the phone. I don’t think the conversation could’ve gone any better. After I got off the phone with her I had to call my ex-husband to see if I could get Ciara back tomorrow before she goes back to school. Again a short conversation, but there was no fighting or disagreeing and that’s always a positive with my ex.
I come home to my wonderful husband who missed me dearly while I was gone and it did feel good to come back to his arms. We always miss each other so much even when we’re only away from each other for short periods of time. I truly think we are a match made by the Creator of the heavens! I am so blessed to have him as a husband and I never take that for granted (well if I do, I don’t do it consciously). I’m ready for bed now and turning in. I’m not getting in bed as early as I’d like but I had to get all these things out of my head and on to some paper. I’ve got to get up early in the morning to go to church and we have a luncheon afterward. It should be a good time of fellowship! Hope everyone else had a good day today and many more to come in this new year.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Unsure What to do With My Day...
I’m wondering what today has in store for me. Last night Shay and I got all dolled up again to take pictures. They turned out really well if I do say so myself. I have so much fun with her and I love her so very much! The girls and I have come so far in the last 10 years and it just blesses my heart. Each of us had our own trials, yet by the grace of God we have overcome them and have a wonderful relationship. It makes me wonder what the next 10 years has in store for us. More blessings I’m sure of, but I’m excited to see where God takes us.
Today is my grandma’s birthday and I’m wondering if I should call her or not. I really don’t want to, but I’m trying to think what the Lord would do. If I thought the phone call would be received well I wouldn’t hesitate, but I’m unsure what would come of it. I’m sure the right thing to do is to call her, but my heart pounds just thinking about it. I don’t know if I’m more scared of the unknown or the possibility of rejection. I’ve had enough rejection in this relationship to last me a lifetime, and I’m leery of more of it. I wish we had a wonderful relationship because the Lord knows I love her dearly. Growing up I had the best relationship with her and I miss that so much. She was a wonderful grandma and up until these last few years that relationship remained. Now she has been poisoned by my mom’s bitterness and hatred and it makes me so sad. I think I will call her so I have no regrets when it’s all said and done. The best way to live life is to do the right thing so when you look back you have nothing to be sorry for because you know you tried your best.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do with my day yet. I know I need to clean my bathroom badly, but the Christmas stuff needs to come down too. The Christmas stuff may take me a few days, but last year it stayed up for months after Christmas due to my depression and lack of drive to do anything. My friend wants me to go shopping for her a new phone and I haven’t seen her in over a year so I’m pretty sure I’ll go in and see her. It will be fun and I have missed her like crazy. I don’t know how that will limit me in the things I want to get accomplished today, but if nothing gets done there is always tomorrow!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Today is my grandma’s birthday and I’m wondering if I should call her or not. I really don’t want to, but I’m trying to think what the Lord would do. If I thought the phone call would be received well I wouldn’t hesitate, but I’m unsure what would come of it. I’m sure the right thing to do is to call her, but my heart pounds just thinking about it. I don’t know if I’m more scared of the unknown or the possibility of rejection. I’ve had enough rejection in this relationship to last me a lifetime, and I’m leery of more of it. I wish we had a wonderful relationship because the Lord knows I love her dearly. Growing up I had the best relationship with her and I miss that so much. She was a wonderful grandma and up until these last few years that relationship remained. Now she has been poisoned by my mom’s bitterness and hatred and it makes me so sad. I think I will call her so I have no regrets when it’s all said and done. The best way to live life is to do the right thing so when you look back you have nothing to be sorry for because you know you tried your best.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do with my day yet. I know I need to clean my bathroom badly, but the Christmas stuff needs to come down too. The Christmas stuff may take me a few days, but last year it stayed up for months after Christmas due to my depression and lack of drive to do anything. My friend wants me to go shopping for her a new phone and I haven’t seen her in over a year so I’m pretty sure I’ll go in and see her. It will be fun and I have missed her like crazy. I don’t know how that will limit me in the things I want to get accomplished today, but if nothing gets done there is always tomorrow!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Friday, January 1, 2010
To Dress Up or Not to Dress Up? That is the Question...
Today seemed to be a successful day. Outside of the time I was on the computer I was cleaning the house. Now mind you I was on the computer most of the day (as I am everyday), but when I wasn’t I was cleaning the kitchen, the living room, and just little things here and there. I think it proved to be a productive day. The only thing I haven’t done yet is my Bible study. I’m trying to convince myself to go do it, but I also would like to go take a nice long, hot bubble bath! Man I love those things! Drink a small glass of wine, read, man that is a good evening! Maybe I can just do some quiet time with my bath! Just an idea, though I wouldn’t want to drop my Bible in the water. Heaven knows it doesn’t need a washing lol.
I’m still trying to decide if I want to get dressed up again and get the pictures I didn’t get last night. I’m pretty comfortable right now in my lounging clothes, but I would still like to get some pictures. Maybe when Shay gets home she’ll want to do the same thing. We’ll see… But I know I need to find something to do because it’s when I’m bored that I really start craving a cigarette (like right now!!!). I could go work on my bathroom, but I really don’t want to clean any more today. I’ve played on my phone, updated Facebook, chatted with Skyler (my buddy!!), and now I’m blogging yet again.
What I didn’t write about the other day was Bob’s funeral. I’ve know Bob since I was two (or younger?) because my mom went to work for him at his mobile home business. She worked for him for over 20 years and they became very close. Now when I say really close I mean as close as you’ll allow your imagination to go (get the hint!). He was married and had three kids and was a family man. Now I’m pretty sure he was one of the father’s to one of the two babies my mom miscarried. In any case Danny also wondered if he could be one of my potential fathers. We’ll never know now, but I really don’t think he is or was. Anyways, I always called him Uncle Bob and his wife Aunt Kay. So when the funeral is over my mom goes up to Kay and they just start hugging and crying together. Now Kay knows about the affair that Bob and my mom had. I sit there thinking, “Is this awkward for anyone except me? The wife and the mistress are hugging and crying together. This ranks as one of the top weird moments of my life.” The tribute they had for Uncle Bob was very nice. The moment was weird but the time was nice. Mom was actually civil to me and we hugged and she cried on my shoulder. I don’t know what that means other than the fact she was just very emotional that day. I am hesitant to become hopeful, because we’ve had these moments in the past and it didn’t amount to anything after that.
Well that’s the latest goings on over here. I feel like I am adequately caught up now. I can say I had a successful day my first day of the year, and now I just need to keep it going throughout the rest of the year. Time is the true test of all these goals I’ve set before myself.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
I’m still trying to decide if I want to get dressed up again and get the pictures I didn’t get last night. I’m pretty comfortable right now in my lounging clothes, but I would still like to get some pictures. Maybe when Shay gets home she’ll want to do the same thing. We’ll see… But I know I need to find something to do because it’s when I’m bored that I really start craving a cigarette (like right now!!!). I could go work on my bathroom, but I really don’t want to clean any more today. I’ve played on my phone, updated Facebook, chatted with Skyler (my buddy!!), and now I’m blogging yet again.
What I didn’t write about the other day was Bob’s funeral. I’ve know Bob since I was two (or younger?) because my mom went to work for him at his mobile home business. She worked for him for over 20 years and they became very close. Now when I say really close I mean as close as you’ll allow your imagination to go (get the hint!). He was married and had three kids and was a family man. Now I’m pretty sure he was one of the father’s to one of the two babies my mom miscarried. In any case Danny also wondered if he could be one of my potential fathers. We’ll never know now, but I really don’t think he is or was. Anyways, I always called him Uncle Bob and his wife Aunt Kay. So when the funeral is over my mom goes up to Kay and they just start hugging and crying together. Now Kay knows about the affair that Bob and my mom had. I sit there thinking, “Is this awkward for anyone except me? The wife and the mistress are hugging and crying together. This ranks as one of the top weird moments of my life.” The tribute they had for Uncle Bob was very nice. The moment was weird but the time was nice. Mom was actually civil to me and we hugged and she cried on my shoulder. I don’t know what that means other than the fact she was just very emotional that day. I am hesitant to become hopeful, because we’ve had these moments in the past and it didn’t amount to anything after that.
Well that’s the latest goings on over here. I feel like I am adequately caught up now. I can say I had a successful day my first day of the year, and now I just need to keep it going throughout the rest of the year. Time is the true test of all these goals I’ve set before myself.
Melissa Fitzwilliam
My Desires for 2010...
Well we had fun last night. It was exactly what I had in mind (wanted to go to some kind of hopping party or something) but it was still ok. We did have the most expensive dinner we’ve ever ate! I couldn’t believe how much it cost. I do have to say it was the second best meal I’ve ever had, but for as much as we paid I would expect it to be the best ever! But it was still wonderful! We did get all decked out and Danny did too, but I forgot the camera so we don’t have any pictures to show for it . And it was incredibly cold outside! I think it was down in the 20’s and here I am in this barely there dress, but it was still cute and Shannon looked adorable and Danny looked so handsome!
Well here I sit on this New Year’s Day 2010 contemplating what my New Year’s resolution should be. I really hate making them because rarely do I follow through with them. But there are several things I would love to accomplish this year. I would like to be more consistent on doing my quiet time and Bible study, with a deeper passion for God. This past year has made me realize just how real He is and how very much He loves me. He got me through what I like to call the great depression and now that I’m doing better I want to devote my life to Him. I want to have that burning passion that just can’t be contained. It’s been so long since I’ve felt that, but I know if I get in the Word more that I can find it again.
I do want to lose some weight since I gained so much last year. I’ve had to go up a size in my clothes and that just frustrates me to no end. I would like to join a gym that has racket ball because I love that, though I don’t know if we have the money to do that. I do need to make an effort to exercise more. I don’t know how many people make the same resolution, but this is something that really drives me. I’ve realized this last year how vital good health is and not to take it for granted. Watching Ma and all she went through makes me realize how blessed I am to be as healthy as I am. I want to make a point not to take this for granted and to live life to the fullest. I’m also happy that I quit smoking and still can’t believe I picked it up last year. But this is one thing that I am resolute about! I won’t pick them up again because I’ve realized just how addictive they are. It’s the one thing I am most ashamed of that I did last year and I’m determined not to treat my body like that again. After all my body is a temple that the Holy Spirit indwells and I wouldn’t want to grieve the Holy Spirit that way.
I do want to make an effort to keep the house clean for the family. They deserve that! And since I am a stay at home wife and mom there is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to accomplish this. It seems to get away from me so easy, but if I get started and stay on top of it, this is something that is I can absolutely do. I want to be a better wife and mom to my family. I need to make sure I put their needs before my selfish wants and deny my flesh where I would be tempted to give in. Outside of God, there is nothing in my life that is more important to me than my family. If this is so (and I say it is) then I should strive harder to provide them what they need. I have a great family, one that I love so dearly, so my love should be demonstrated through my actions and ways that I can provide for them.
I need to try to be more loving to people. I need to show my thankfulness to my friends for their friendship. I need to rely on Christ to love those I would deem unlovable and love them through the power of Christ. I need to show my feelings in a loving way. I need to be more active in thinking positive thoughts and put away any self-pity. I need to love my estranged family the best way possible and pray for restoration. I need to pray more, especially for those in need of prayer. Prayer is the strongest weapon I have against the enemy and I need to use it. I need to put on the armor of God. He can equip me with all my needs if I just rely on Him. I need to love deeper and live fuller. The only way to do this is to live a life devoted to God and not to myself. I need to stop doubting the power of God and know He is faithful to fulfill all of His promises. This is a deep list that is only possible through the power of God. If I can rely on Him to provide me the perfect parking spot (and I do ask this of Him) then why don’t I ask Him to provide me what He would deem what’s perfect for my life.
I don’t know how successful I will be with all of this, but it is what I desire. I want 2010 to be one the best years ever and I know it’s up to me and God. My relationship with Him must be paramount! Without this I am doomed to fail. I know that with Him all things are possible. So this list is doable if I depend solely on Him. He is the key to fulfilling all that I want. I’m not going to say that I will perfect this list, but I will strive for it. I wouldn’t even say these are resolutions as much as they are goals I will try for. I think resolutions fail because they are things I think I must do. When I feel pressured I rebel. Rebellion was the theme of 2009 and I am determined that 2010 it won’t be a repeat.
I pray for everyone else that 2010 is a blessed year for them. I want 2010 to be a great year for everyone; one that surpasses their expectations and gives them more than they ever hoped to find. No this isn’t a list of resolutions but a prayer. A prayer I will continue to strive for in all ways possible. With the help of God all this will come to pass and I will be able to feel that I was able to accomplish something in 2010 that I was never able to do in years pass. This is my prayer for me and for all of you too!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
Well here I sit on this New Year’s Day 2010 contemplating what my New Year’s resolution should be. I really hate making them because rarely do I follow through with them. But there are several things I would love to accomplish this year. I would like to be more consistent on doing my quiet time and Bible study, with a deeper passion for God. This past year has made me realize just how real He is and how very much He loves me. He got me through what I like to call the great depression and now that I’m doing better I want to devote my life to Him. I want to have that burning passion that just can’t be contained. It’s been so long since I’ve felt that, but I know if I get in the Word more that I can find it again.
I do want to lose some weight since I gained so much last year. I’ve had to go up a size in my clothes and that just frustrates me to no end. I would like to join a gym that has racket ball because I love that, though I don’t know if we have the money to do that. I do need to make an effort to exercise more. I don’t know how many people make the same resolution, but this is something that really drives me. I’ve realized this last year how vital good health is and not to take it for granted. Watching Ma and all she went through makes me realize how blessed I am to be as healthy as I am. I want to make a point not to take this for granted and to live life to the fullest. I’m also happy that I quit smoking and still can’t believe I picked it up last year. But this is one thing that I am resolute about! I won’t pick them up again because I’ve realized just how addictive they are. It’s the one thing I am most ashamed of that I did last year and I’m determined not to treat my body like that again. After all my body is a temple that the Holy Spirit indwells and I wouldn’t want to grieve the Holy Spirit that way.
I do want to make an effort to keep the house clean for the family. They deserve that! And since I am a stay at home wife and mom there is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to accomplish this. It seems to get away from me so easy, but if I get started and stay on top of it, this is something that is I can absolutely do. I want to be a better wife and mom to my family. I need to make sure I put their needs before my selfish wants and deny my flesh where I would be tempted to give in. Outside of God, there is nothing in my life that is more important to me than my family. If this is so (and I say it is) then I should strive harder to provide them what they need. I have a great family, one that I love so dearly, so my love should be demonstrated through my actions and ways that I can provide for them.
I need to try to be more loving to people. I need to show my thankfulness to my friends for their friendship. I need to rely on Christ to love those I would deem unlovable and love them through the power of Christ. I need to show my feelings in a loving way. I need to be more active in thinking positive thoughts and put away any self-pity. I need to love my estranged family the best way possible and pray for restoration. I need to pray more, especially for those in need of prayer. Prayer is the strongest weapon I have against the enemy and I need to use it. I need to put on the armor of God. He can equip me with all my needs if I just rely on Him. I need to love deeper and live fuller. The only way to do this is to live a life devoted to God and not to myself. I need to stop doubting the power of God and know He is faithful to fulfill all of His promises. This is a deep list that is only possible through the power of God. If I can rely on Him to provide me the perfect parking spot (and I do ask this of Him) then why don’t I ask Him to provide me what He would deem what’s perfect for my life.
I don’t know how successful I will be with all of this, but it is what I desire. I want 2010 to be one the best years ever and I know it’s up to me and God. My relationship with Him must be paramount! Without this I am doomed to fail. I know that with Him all things are possible. So this list is doable if I depend solely on Him. He is the key to fulfilling all that I want. I’m not going to say that I will perfect this list, but I will strive for it. I wouldn’t even say these are resolutions as much as they are goals I will try for. I think resolutions fail because they are things I think I must do. When I feel pressured I rebel. Rebellion was the theme of 2009 and I am determined that 2010 it won’t be a repeat.
I pray for everyone else that 2010 is a blessed year for them. I want 2010 to be a great year for everyone; one that surpasses their expectations and gives them more than they ever hoped to find. No this isn’t a list of resolutions but a prayer. A prayer I will continue to strive for in all ways possible. With the help of God all this will come to pass and I will be able to feel that I was able to accomplish something in 2010 that I was never able to do in years pass. This is my prayer for me and for all of you too!
Melissa Fitzwilliam
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